Our Little Secret ||Historical Lams Oneshots||

Drowned

"You wished to see me, General Washington?" I asked as I stepped into his tent, Lafayette at my side. The General sighed and wiped his eyes. "I did, Colonel Laurens," he said. "Although not on good terms."

"What happened, sir?" I asked, a bit worried now. Lafayette seemed a bit concerned as well. General Washington sighed again. "It's about Hamilton," he said, not meeting my eyes. "He... well..." he trailed off, eyes glistening. "What is it, sir?" Lafayette inquired. "Was his mission unsuccessful?"

"Hamilton is dead," Washington said suddenly. "Drowned."

I fell to my knees. I could vaguely sense the two of them talking to me, but I couldn't hear their words over the blood rushing in my ears. No. No, no, no, no, no! my head cried. This can't be happening! I tasted salt as tears ran down my face. I felt Lafayette put his arms protectively around me, and I broke down into them. I was aware that I was probably screaming. My Alex...

"John, look at me," Lafayette instructed. I sobbed softly and did as he said, locking my gaze with his. "You have to be strong. Mon frère would not want you to grieve so terribly." I watched a drop roll down his cheek. "I'll let you two be for a moment," the General said, startling me; I had nearly forgotten he was there. "I'm so sorry." He placed a hand on my shoulder for a brief moment then left his tent.

"You know how much I truly and intimately loved him, Gilbert," I told Lafayette through sobs, using his first name. "I just can't believe he's gone. Just like that." He tightened his grip around me and I buried my face into his shoulder as he stroked my hair, attempting to calm me. "Alexander is still with us, mon ami," the younger Frenchman assured me. "As long as you're here, his spirit lives on," He cupped my face with his hand. "You were everything to each other."

That's why it hurts so damn badly! Why couldn't it have been me? Alexander had so much more life to live.

I only nodded, keeping my thoughts bottled up. "I'm going to miss him." was all I said.

"We all will."

~that night at dinner~

General Washington invited all the aide-de-camps to a memorial dinner for Alexander. Most of them knew that the two of us were close, so I got a few comforting words. They didn't help.

Lafayette clinked his glass after everyone was seated. "Let us toast to the memory of a valiant soldier; one that I am sure we were all well acquainted with. May you find peace in the next life, Alexander." His speech was met with a few "hear, hear"s as we all raised our glasses.

Say something.

I cleared my throat and stood up. "Alexander was an incredible, courageous, if not reckless, friend," I said. "He was perhaps my closest companion, and I'm assuming most of you know that already. Let us all take a moment to remember this lost addition to our number, and an individual who had so much more to contribute," I broke off, a soft sob escaping from my lips. "The only thing we can do now is wait to be reunited on the other side." I finished, voice breaking.

"You won't be waiting much longer." I hear a faint, but gleeful, voice behind me. I whip my head around and drop my glass. It shatters on the ground.

Against all odds, it was Alex. My Alex. He was shivering, and his ginger curls were plastered to his forehead. He stood unevenly, as if he had a limp. But it was him all the same.

"Alex?" I whispered. "Is it- it's really you?" He nods, a smile stretching across his face. I release a cry and run towards him, engulfing his small body in my arms. "John!" he squeaked. "We're in public." he murmured. I shook my head and held him closer. "I don't care," I said. "The only thing I care about is that you're alive." He returned my embrace.

I could feel the stares that we were getting, but I pretended not to notice. Nothing could make me let go of Alex. "Je t'aime, John," he said so quietly that I would be the only one that heard him. "I always will. In death and in life."

We stayed in the hug for a good three minutes, at least, until Washington coughed and dismissed us. "You two," he said, pointing to Alex and I as we went to leave. "Stay." We took a seat back at the table, sharing a worried glance. He didn't know, right?

"I don't know how you did it, Alexander," he started. "But somehow you managed to defy reason once again," The three of us chuckled lightly. "It's good to have you back, son." Alex didn't even flinch at the term of endearment. "It's nice to be back, sir." he said, shaking the General's hand.

"You two be safe, alright?" he continued. Confused, I nodded. He dismissed us with a wave of his hand. "Goodnight." he said as we left.

"Be safe?" Alex repeated as soon as we were out of earshot of his tent. "What does he mean?" He stumbled and I grabbed him by the waist so he could regain his balance. "Perhaps he wants us to be safe from prying eyes." I responded, and kissed him passionately.

He broke off, a shiver going through his tiny frame. I took off my jacket and draped it around his shoulders. "You're freezing," I said. "Let's get back to the tent." We walked swiftly back to our shared bunk. I led him inside and he collapsed on the bed.

I laid next to him and pulled the blanket in his direction. "No, John, you'll be cold." he protested. I pressed a finger to his lips. "Who's the one who nearly drowned and is currently shivering to the bone, my dear boy?" I asked teasingly. He huffed through his nose and accepted the blanket.

"Goodnight, my love." Alex murmured before his breathing steadied and he fell asleep.

I kissed his forehead. "May sweet dreams come your way." I whispered.

I slept with the wonderful idea that if my Alex could survive drowning, then anything could be possible.