Dream a little, Dream of me

Love is another leap of faith.

She had been in bed for three days, only getting out to take some berries and water as food and after that she'd go back to brooding in that lavish room.
Her eyes were badly swollen and her nose was running, eyes bloodshot from crying. Flashbacks of her childhood hit her every other hour and she'd try to dodge it, tried to come out of the painful memories, but after many tries she just took Nicholas out of the room so he wouldn't endure more of her screaming and punching walls. Her knuckles too were bleeding and bruised. Nicholas had been apparently searching the house to find some plush toy. And had been unsuccessful and unheard of for a day.
The flashbacks had been mostly of her childhood and some of other things.
And now Lilliana was perched on the sofa bandaging her knuckles, her hair falling over her face, cheeks puffed and tears rolling down her cheeks and she pathetically and miserably cried over her irritating and pathetic husband, but everything was fine when you put two pathetic people together. Yet this time it wasn't.
Flashback starts
And then her mind shifted to another scene rewinding to her past, and she was back in her childhood room again.
The walls of the room were of ice, this would have been a winter wonderland to some but to Lilliana it had always been a challenge and prison.
Well technically not Hawthorne and the winter court but this room and palace.
She was in one of her sleeping gowns, her pale hair in pigtails and a scowl on her face as she pleaded with her mother who every once and now liked to remind her that she was a mistake. No, really she was.
"Child get off me." Her mother said pushing her embrace off.
"Mum please. I promise I'll behave." The little Lilliana pleaded.
"No! Now shut up before I send Flora in."
"No, not her please mum. Please stay with me." She cried
"God no!" Her mother said
"Why?" The hurt in mini Lilliana's eyes was crystal clear.
"Because, you are not Kallias, and you are a mistake, and I don't want you as my child."
Mini Lilliana's eyes began to tear up.
"Mum-
"Mother for you."
And her mother left the room locking it shut as she twisted the key and shackled the door to the wall clip.
The younger Lilliana sighed as she cried into her pillow and her stomach growled. No food was coming tonight.
Her mother had left damage with every word. Since she was two years old, her mother had locked her inside, for the past eight years, this was her mother's ritual; to be satisfied with the click of the lock as she locked her unwanted child in and heard her soft sobs and walked away with a smile on her face.
Kallias was their mother's shining star, golden child and she was the unwelcome surprise.
Their father would always be in the north, living there and visited twice a month and only then she was to go out of this room and spend her day with him, her mouth shut knowing that her father wouldn't believe her since he loved his wife a lot and her mother would starve her for a week. So she would keep quiet about this with everyone and only her nursemaid and mother knew this.
Flora was the nursemaid, and she hated Lilliana but stayed for the pay. And got along beautifully with her mother. Since they devised ways to make Lilliana feel pain not just physically but to break her spirit and they had been successful, very successful. Flora had her cane, and at unnoticed times, the cane would strike her somewhere, mostly her spine and her hands, the stick would usually strike in a swiping motion and would bestow the hurt on her knuckles, the same knuckles that were bloody now.
And flora would Slap her a lot.
At times light poison in her food and drinks, sometimes heavy sleeping tonics in her milk, or give her rotten fruits in the fruit bowl. And that food was compulsory to eat, because if she didn't then no food for five days. Once Flora had given her the routine milk and it had been mixed with stomach upsetting tonics and she had been in the loo for a long while and had come out with dull and pale skin and a high fever.
And then Flora entered the room interrupting her thoughts.
Mini Lilliana was still on her bed, staring at the wall and crying.
"Crying again? Stupid useless girl."
And Mini Lilliana was not only sad and angry but particularly stupid at the moment so she spoke.
"I'm not useless, it's you that keeps me locked in, I'm useful."
"Girl, you are useless, trying to deny that will grant you nothing. You are pathetic and useless and nobody cares for you and wants you, you are bound to remain miserable." Flora said
more damage to that broken spirit that had been breaking with every single moment for the past eight years.
"You don't mean that." The younger her said weakly
"I mean that you pathetic child." The crone said and slapped her and before she could respond, slammed a dagger into her hand.
Mini Lilliana cried out shrieking at the dagger that ran clean through her palm. She burst into tears as pain shot through her hand and arm. It began bleeding and she screamed, the scream was heart shattering. And Flora then slapped her. She was weeping clutching her bloody hand.
Flora then placed a handkerchief in her mouth and pulled out the dagger and pushed it down again through the same wound as blood splattered across the younger Lilliana's face.
The girl cried out her voice muffled. Flora smiled.
She shook her head and the sobs shook her body. Blood kept dripping on her sheets. The blood was seeping through her gown.
Then Flora pulled it out clean. And then the woman pulled her off and dragged her to the bathing chambers and washed her hands as the younger her shook in pain.
After cleaning the gruesome gnash, Flora stitched it and bandaged it.
And then left Lilliana in her room, the blood still on her clothes and on her sheets. That night Lilliana hadn't slept and hid under the bed crying as her stomach kept growling for food.
Flashback ends
And she was back in that room, crying again, the flashback had really hurt her and she looked at the scar on her palm, that knife had run through clean, cleaving through skin and flesh.
She began sobbing all over again.
Eris came to her mind, he had made her feel happy, even if only a bit, it had been a start perhaps to a healing journey but she was stupid to think she, the useless, pathetic, unwanted, unwelcome, miserable girl, could change someone.
She wanted the affection, even if it had been minute. She had craved love, and she had gotten some small amount of affection. And to think that she could live a happy life of marriage with Eris Vanserra was total bullshit.
Her eyes felt heavy after days of crying mostly.
She wanted something more than restless mornings but all she had was herself that too was a weeping mess. She had sought his love and care and only had gotten stabbed in the back with a painful knife.
TW,SELF HARM
She grabbed the dagger, Eris's dagger. She sighed and bitterly laughed cursing the male himself. She closed her eyes as new hot tears streaked down her face and in a swiping motion made a cut on her wrist, and blood began oozing out. It was sharp unlike her mind. And then etched a few more cuts like that on both arms, the blood was oozing out. She smiled at the cuts emotionlessly. And tears kept falling down on the cuts as she gazed at the wall in front of her.
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Hello folks, so thank you for the 3k reads on this fanfic and 4K reads on the Rowaelin one. I'm more than happy to see that people are reading this and to the lovely people who comment, you guys make my day.
And writing this chapter was kind of painful. I did cry while writing this, I just want Lilliana's past to be out there a bit so the next few chapters mostly consist of flashbacks of her and Eris' past so it will be one hell of a ride and I'm not prepared for it but I'm ready for the challenge. I hope you feel some emotions in this chapter. And keep reading.
Love you all for the votes and comments