Dream a little, Dream of me

He can't see the smile I'm faking And my heart's not breaking

Sometimes having expectations from someone is disadvantageous and it hurts when they do something completely opposite. However, he didn't even blame Lilliana for what she did, he understood it. He would be fine with it even if it was revenge, after all this was half of the hell her made her go through. It was only fair if she reciprocated it; her hurt. 

And even though he didn't blame her, some part of him still felt hurt, as if he was being burned and the irony is that he can't burn. The things that you never believe will hurt you, do end up being the things to rip you apart Did she feel the same when he had left her there?

He hoped that it didn't.

He hoped she didn't hurt as much as he did because it only made him deserve this more and more. 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"So you're going to marry Felix?" Sirius looked at Lilliana who sat on her seat, poised as ever. Her cup of tea in her hand. 

She nodded and smiled lightly. And it wasn't a smile but more of a frown. 

"Why?" He asked, looking down at the wooden table.

"Excuse me?" And her tone led to him looking up almost immediately, he knew his eyes were bloodshot and tired but at this point none of that mattered. 

"What? Excuse me? Why are you doing this? I know and I can understand that you may not like Eris and you feel upset and betrayed and yes you have a right to feel like that. But isn't this too much? You could've just married Felix and not have dragged Eris back home and that too in a cell. Reading your letter, I thought you had begun warming up to him and something good had happened but I'm just surprised to know this." It all came out as if a dam had broken and all the water had just flooded out. He knew he was harsh, that his words were harsh but weren't her actions harsh as well?

She scoffed. 

"Do you think I want to do this? That I want to marry that psycho? You must really think of me as very low that I would do that willingly. I don't really a have a choice, I never had one. I didn't have it when I came here and I don't have it again and don't...don't even try to tell me that I can just not do this, because it's not fair then, it's not fair to you or to him or to anyone. I started this thing when I came here, I ruined things for him because he stepped out of line for me even when I thought that he hated me, he-

Her voice had begun cracking and she was trembling She looked to the ground and then up.

"I'm sorry. I just don't...I really don't want him to suffer anymore. He should be happy-

"What about your happiness? Do you think he'll be happy without you? Do you think your happiness doesn't matter to him?" Sirius asked

She looked down again.

"I know he wants me to be happy but I don't think I can even be happy anymore. It's not even his fault, it's just something that I know can't happen because it hasn't. There were some moments when I thought that it will be alright but now it has to end with me." She said quietly and he could understand her in some way.

"What if it doesn't end with you? It doesn't have to, you can do whatever you want to and then stay with him." 

She shook her head, there was a melancholic look on her face and a sort of hopeless smile.

"Not in this lifetime, I can't do anything, I can't stay anyways so it would be better to end it with me." 

He hated that she was this hopeless. He hated it more than anything.