Dream a little, Dream of me

I once believed love would be black and white. But it's golden

Seraphina handed her a bottle of wine as she poured some for herself before they sat down on the couch. Lilliana looked at her friend and knew that if someone went back in time and told her that she and Seraphina would be friends, she would probably headbutt them.

"So how are you?"

"Honestly speaking, it's difficult to handle court problems," She said with a small smile on her face. "And ever since Kallias insisted on monthly trips and what he calls 'double dates', it's very tiring to go now and then and come back to piles of reports."

"It must be exhausting," Seraphina replied, nodding slowly. " But isn't it cute how you, Eris and Kallias and Viviane go on these dates?"

"I'm sure he does this to keep an eye on us," Lilliana muttered, folding her arms.

Seraphina chuckled.

"It's stupid, honestly..."

"He does this because he regrets never spending time with you and wants to make up for all of the hurt he caused you. I never had a sibling so I can't confirm what I think." Seraphina spoke softly.

Lilliana looked at her and slowly nodded, taking it all in.

"But, Lilliana, I didn't ask about how work is, I asked about you?"

She couldn't help but smile bitterly.

"I believe it would be better to skip this question, Sera."

Concern matted her face.

"Lilliana..."

"I...I'm supposed to be happy, right? I, somehow, came back and had a happy ending, so, I should be grateful and joyful all the time. But, Sera, there...there is some part of me that questions why I came back. I died willingly, I died because I wanted to, and I died because I hated myself too much to consider myself worth living anymore. I didn't ever think that I would come back with my memories intact." And then she burst into tears.

"Oh, Lilliana.."

"Even if I had to be reborn, I wish I didn't remember anything. Because nothing...nothing can make me forget any single moment of my life. And I know it's hurtful to wish for something like this knowing that my absence hurts people but all those memories of wanting to die, wishing for death, considering suffocating myself to just disappear and vanish won't go away. "

Lilliana looked up at her friend to find her in tears as she pulled her into a hug. Lilliana felt her hand rub her back as she just cried.

"And I want to tell Eris everything but I can't see him in pain, I can't see tears in his eyes. I wish I could but I just can't."

"I'll listen, tell me anything Lilliana and I will make you feel heard."

She hugged Seraphina tightly.

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Lilliana wasn't sure when Seraphina left, or when she took one sip of the wine in front of her telling herself it was fine since she was waiting for Eris.

But she knew that she was drunk and that there was barely anything left of the wine left. Taking the last sip, she pulled herself up using the ledge of the table as support and walked to the cupboard on shaky legs. She pulled it open and reached for the top shelve. Her hands barely reached anything on that shelve. Of course, he would place all bottles far from her reach.

Stupid, stupid Eris. She got on her toes and then felt cold glass. Bingo. She pulled the air around the bottle towards her hand and then she had the bottle in hand and pulled it down, closing the cupboard door she took her bottle to the bed and opened the cork and started taking small sips.