End of the Day // One Direction Sickfic

Louis Breakdown

Harry POV
"Louis, are you sure you're okay in there?" I asked as I knocked on the hotel bathroom door for the second time
As soon as we got back to the hotel from the concert venue, Louis immediately locked himself in the bathroom to take a shower. Now, he had been in the shower for nearly an hour, and I was beginning to grow concerned
"Louis, if you don't respond I'm going to have to get Paul" I said as I rattled the door knob
"Harry. I'm fine" He whimpered from inside
"Louis, I can hear that you're upset. Just let me in please" I begged

I continued pushing, rattling, and turning the door knob until finally, by some miracle, the handle broke off and I pushed the door open
"Louis, what are you doing?" I asked as calmly and gently as I could as I walked over to the shower
Louis was lying on the floor of the tub, fully clothed, with bloodshot eyes from crying. He had been in the shower so long that the water was now running freezing cold.
"Louis, Louis" I cooed. "Come on, you're so cold,"
I knelt beside the tub as I carefully sat him up in the bath and began to lift him up. He proceeded to begin sobbing again
"Shhh, shhh, Louis. What's wrong?" I asked
"Don't touch me. Don't touch me. I'm disguising. Don't touch me" He choked out as he squired in my grip
"You aren't disgusting Louis, look at me. Hey, hey, look at me. It's okay, you're okay" I soothed as I pulled him out of the tub. I felt as if I was taking to a little kid or an injured animal, but I didn't know what else to do.
"They saw. They saw. They know I'm disgusting. I hate myself, I hate myself" He practically screamed and I pulled him tightly against me
"Louis, you're not disgusting" I said. He was shivering and shaking against me, and as I held him against me the cold water that soaked his clothes began to get me wet too - but I just held him tighter. There was nothing more that I wanted right now than for him to feel safe, loved, and comforted; and if I had to suffer a bit for Louis to be okay, so be it.
"They saw. They know" He sputtered. "They know"
"Shhh, Louis," I said gently, "Nobody's going to like you any less because of your epilepsy, Louis. If anything, they'll love you more, okay? You're so cold, god"
He continued to shake violently against me.
"They know," He repeated, "They know. I don't, I don't want them to know"
"Shhh, shhh" I hummed as Louis pushed against me. "Lou, Lou. It's okay, stay here" I said as I held him tighter
"Gonna. Gon" He murmured as he pulled himself to the toilet and I realized what was happening just in time for him to empty his stomach into the porcelain bowl
"That's it, Louis. Get it out" I encouraged as he continued to retch.

After about another five minutes, Louis slumped back into me, and his sobs had ceased to small whimpers.
"Let's go get you into some dry clothes, okay?" I suggested as I lifted him and he let his whole weight rest into me, his arms and legs hanging limply
As I sat him onto the bed, I thought briefly that he was in the midst of an absence seizure, but his eyes were following me so I knew otherwise.
"I'm going to grab you some trackies, okay?" I said as I let go of Louis and headed over to his suitcase.
I pulled out his comfiest looking pair of sweatpants, and one of my bigger t-shirts and brought it back over to him.
He was little to no help in the process of changing him, letting all of his limbs hang limply by his sides.
"I'm going to grab you some water, okay?" I said once I had finished dressing him and headed towards the small kitchenette
Once he had a few sips of the water, I put it on his nightstand and tucked him into bed before I crawled next to him.
I closed my eyes as he cuddled into me, and for a second, it felt like old times, back when we were on x factor and then after when we lived together. I missed being close with him. I missed being able to call him my best friend.
I was only snapped back into the current reality when Louis whispered a barely-audible "I wish I had died in the crash"
Unsure of how to respond, I remained silent, and pulled him closer into me.
"I love you Lou" I cooed as I hugged him tightly, afraid to let him go.
Eventually his breathing became slower and deeper, so I knew that he had fallen asleep.

Needless to say, I didn't get any sleep at all that night. I stayed where I was, entangled with Louis, his words repeating over and over in my mind.
I wish I had died in the crash
I squeezed him tighter.
I wish I had died in the crash