Sweet Little Serena (Original)

Chapter 105

Serena's tears were silent as they fell.

She sat in the cleaned-up library with her brother as they read through the journals they'd recovered from Valentine's house.

She had been floored by what was in the few that bared her name.

Every lesson, every punishment and step forward she had ever made in her 10 years with him was detailed in the pages. Jace had tried a few times to see what was in her books, but she refused to let him read it, refused to let him see what she'd endured so he didn't have to.

She didn't even hear Clary come in.

"Did you find anything in Valentine's books?" she asked.

"They aren't books. They're journals," Jace explained.

"Valentine used to keep these on the highest shelf in the cabin," Serena explained, voice raw and face red as she ran her hand over the leather-bound books imprinted with her name.

Clary went to ask if the girl was alright when Jace stopped her, indicating not to ask.

"I remember trying to read them once, see what all the fuss was about. He got to me before I could even open it. That was the last time we went back to that cabin," Jace said.

Serena sniffed as she wiped her nose on her sleeve, having flinched slightly at the mention of the event and hoping to cover it up but Jace saw it.

"I wondered why he never punished me for it. He used to lose his mind whenever we touched his things, especially those journals. You took it for me, didn't you?" he asked his sister, and she bit her lip as she tried not to cry harder. The physical scars may have been gone but the mental ones were still there.

"For years I buried the memories of our time with him so deep because I never wanted to relive them again. I chose to remember the few good times we had together. But these journals, they bring back each and every one, in detail. Majority of this you never even knew about."

Jace squeezed her hand as he pulled her chair closer to him, letting her rest her head on his shoulder.

"Jonathan Christopher," Clary read. "These are about you."

"Morgenstern...Herondale," Jace said as he pointed to a page in the journal he read where the names Jonathan Christopher Morgenstern and Jonathan Christopher Herondale were inscribed side by side.

"You were...you were opposite ends of the same experiment?" Clary said in disbelief.

"There are hundreds of pages of notes. Years worth of research. These...these journals are all that's left of our childhood," Jace said as he closed the one he was reading and threw it onto the table.

"Wait, but if you and Jonathan were part of the same experiment, why does Serena have journals?" Clary asked.

"I was an extra," the girl admitted sadly, head still laying on her brother's shoulder as he squeezed her hand. "Valentine wanted the Herondale son. I was the one who was unexpected. He didn't have to worry about keeping me alive as he did Jace. He was free to do what he pleased with me, especially when I took punishments for you."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Jace asked as he kissed her hair, heart breaking and guilt rising. How could he have been so blind?

She sniffed again. "I was the older one. It was my job to protect you. And then we thought Michael was dead so, I didn't want to bother you with it."

"Rena, that would never have bothered me. Angered me at what he did to you, but never bothered me. And he will never hurt you again, do you hear me?" 

Serena didn't answer as she laid her head back down to rest on his shoulder and Jace whipped out his stele, writing a message in fire.

"What are you doing?" Clary asked as she looked up from the journal she was reading and Jace only held up a finger, signalling to wait a minute, and then they heard footsteps running.

Alec appeared in the doorway and when Serena met his eyes, she bit her lips as she frowned, tears leaking down her face as she tried to fight them, but she couldn't fight her emotions with Alec's stare.

Alec only scooped her up from the chair, Serena clinging to his neck as if he was the only thing real, the only thing grounding her, anchoring her to this world and this life as she cried.

And Alec held her as if she was glass as he carried her out of the room and Jace eyed the journals on the table with his sister's name on them.

Serena Annabella Herondale.

And he had every intention of reading those journals cover to cover and having Alec repeat the motions.

It may have been an invasion of privacy, but Serena wasn't ready to talk about any of it yet after having repressed it for so long. And Jace needed to know, and he had no doubt Alec did as well.

But the sound of Clary's voice snapped him from his train of thought.

"Jace, you said this was your childhood, but this entry was 10 years ago," Clary said as finally glanced at the date on the page. "Jonathan died in a fire when he was an infant. How could Valentine still be studying him if he was already dead?"

Then a look of realisation passed across her face. "Ithuriel wasn't talking about you," Clary said aloud. "He was talking about my brother. He's still alive."