Knee Pads

06 | wall

CHAPTER SIX | WALL

two or more skaters skate together to form an obstruction to the opposing team.

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          I hated feeling bad for Corinne.

          I hated that I could relate to her even more than I hated feeling bad for her, as I hated it whenever someone felt bad for me. As soon as anyone heard about Jordan and his descent into alcoholism and depression, they felt bad for me and for my family, because it must be so hard to deal with that. It was hard, obviously, and they weren't the ones getting bottles thrown at them, but no one ever stopped to think about him and his mental health. It was just his problem and how it affected us.

          Corinne, on the other hand, was the direct victim of her mother, apparently, living vicariously through her. That was something I couldn't relate to, being the daughter of two parents who barely even saw me and hyper focused on their other child.

          I related to her because I couldn't picture her being the type of person to accept being felt bad for. I didn't quite know what to say to her; anything I could say to try and make her feel better for the shitty night she was having or for the years of her life she'd lost trying to match up to her mother's expectations would only come off as condescending. Corinne Fontaine, so self-assured, would never let me feel sorry for her.

          "That sucks," I eventually said, after a prolonged moment of silence. She merely nodded, not looking at me any longer. "Sucks that you have to go through that. I can't imagine what it's like."

          Corinne sighed, head tilted down, her hair covering most of her face. "You get used to it eventually. It doesn't mean . . ." She let out a shaky breath, as though she was about to cry, and my throat closed. I'd never been good at handling people, especially when they were crying, and it felt so out of place for someone like Corinne to be in such a situation that it only made things worse. "It doesn't mean it doesn't suck. It's impossible for me to be everywhere and everything at once, and I know that, but I keep trying. I keep trying and, somehow, it's never enough. It's never good enough."

          I didn't know why I'd stayed there. In fact, I wasn't even sure why she'd opened up to me, out of all people, considering our mutual dislike for each other.

          Theo would know what to do in a situation like this. Hell, even Katrina would, and I was neither of them. This was a type of situation I didn't know how to handle—I'd never known how to properly handle Jordan and his outbursts—and part of me just wanted to run away and leave her in that closet.

           "I'm getting you some water," I eventually said. Corinne raised her head ever so slightly, just enough to look up at me through her eyelashes, and something twisted in my gut. It was the most human I'd ever seen her look ever since I first met her. "I'll help you leave undetected, but you have to cooperate. No stumbling around with a bottle, especially at my birthday party."

          "God forbid you're seen with me," she retorted. "We wouldn't want people to assume things."

          I kicked her in the calf. To my surprise, she let out a giggle, while I didn't even know she was capable of laughing at something besides other people's misery. "I don't even want to think about what people will say if they see me walk you to your dorm. I don't want to build up a reputation for myself this early into the school year."

          That was only half true but remained a very real fear. The thing about building up a reputation that I slept around wasn't too concerning up until the point I remembered I'd heard it all countless times before and didn't need these people to assume things about me. I'd seen it happen on movies and TV and to my friends—I knew what people would assume. They'd call me easy and promiscuous when I was just minding my business.