Knee Pads

15 | pivot

CHAPTER FIFTEEN | PIVOT

blocker with a front to back stripe on the helmet.

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          In my opinion, there was a clear difference between acknowledging someone's absence and missing them.

          Though I had certainly noticed Theo's absence in my life in Connecticut, as I kept searching for her in the people around me and couldn't help but compare them to her, I was still hurt over her betrayal, and that stopped me from fully missing her. It wasn't an aching absence, constantly hovering around me, but she'd been my closest friend at some point, regardless of the romantic aspect of our relationship, if we could even call it that. Therefore, it was only natural for me to feel like there was something missing when she wasn't around, especially when we were living on opposite sides of the country.

          Having Theo here, chatting with Katrina as though they were lifelong friends, was a bitter memory of everything I'd had to leave behind in California, and not by my own accord. She acted like nothing had changed, but I knew better; things would never be the same and we'd soon go back to our regular lives away from each other.

          Having her here was something akin to emotional torture. She was so close, yet so far, much like the rest of my normal life. With her present, there was someone I could tell the truth to, in spite of my previous attempts to keep her out of it, and, as soon as she left—if she wasn't here to tell me she was transferring to Yale for her final semester of college just because of me—I'd have to go back to omitting information and telling half truths to everyone. It was exhausting, like I was living two completely separate lives, and, with everything on my plate, it was getting harder to keep them apart.

          "What are you doing here?" I blurted out, in place of a proper, actual greeting.

          "I asked my parents to let me fly here during the break," she explained, eyes darting between me and Corinne, who I was keeping at arm's length. "I have an uncle living nearby. Since it's just him, I'll be keeping him some company during Thanksgiving, but I thought I'd stop by to see you."

          "Oh," was all I managed to say. "I see you've met Kat."

          "I did! I asked around if anyone knew you, then Kat overheard me say your name, or something, and told me I could wait here until you got back from . . . wherever you'd headed off too." She was staring right at Corinne now, who remained firm. I hardly thought of Corinne as someone who would be easily intimidated by someone, especially someone she didn't even know, so her attitude didn't surprise me. "She didn't say anything about you being with someone."

          "Right. This is Corinne"—I gestured back towards her—"and that's Theo. On my bed. Theo's my friend from back home. Corinne is—"

          "—the captain of the Yale roller derby team, for all intents and purposes," Corinne completed. This time, I didn't correct her, as I felt like that would only worsen the already palpable tension in the room. She nudged me. "I'll go pick up that book, but maybe I'll stay in my room. I wouldn't want to interrupt anything."

          "You wouldn't be interrupting anything." Her eyes narrowed ever so slightly. In the background, Katrina scoffed, clearly amused by the whole ordeal. "You can stay if—"

          "No, it's okay. I focus better by myself, anyway."

          She turned on her heel and headed off towards the end of the hallway, leaving me speechless. It felt so rude to ditch her over Theo, even though I'd known the latter for much longer and she was here because of me, but she shouldn't have felt the need to leave. I found myself going over everything I'd done and said up until now, wondering if I'd given her any hints that Theo and I had once been more than just friends, or that I didn't want her around, but I couldn't find anything.