Desideratum | The Mandalorian

Feel My Wrath and Extreme Self-Doubt Pt. 2

*warning for this chapter- mentions of past abuse, not graphic*

Faye had hoped the rest of their trip would go by quickly and quietly. Her head hurt-scratch that- she hurt everywhere and all she wanted to do was doze in her copilot's seat and watch the stars. Unfortunately for her, Mando chose this time to actually decide to start a conversation. Faye wasn't sure whether she should be proud of his slightly growing people skills or ticked off because he broke the silence.

"Where did all of those scars come from?" And of course he led with the one question Faye was hoping he wouldn't ask.

"I fell off my hover bike as a kid." His helmet tilted in such a way that she knew he didn't believe her "Uhh... multiple times?"

"Scars like that don't come from accidents." Mando placed the ship on autopilot and turned to face her. He must have noticed the mix of fear and panic traced with a bit of sadness on her face.

"You don't have to talk about it. Sorry I asked."

"It's fine." It wasn't, but Faye understood why he had asked. She shifted in her sit, wincing and grabbing her side as the movement agitated her wounds.

"Why do the Imps want you so bad? What good are you to them?" Faye flinched slightly at the blunt question but knew the hunter didn't mean anything by it. At least that was a question she didn't mind answering, to him at least. By this point, Faye trusted the Mandalorian probably more than she should, granted he did save her life.

"On the planet I'm from, the elite of the society are seated in their positions because their ancestors were thought to have the blood of the Phoenix flowing through their veins. So you can imagine, rebirth and knowledge was important to our culture. That's where my family and our ancestors fit in. We were called the Keepers. We were tasked with keeping the knowledge for our planet, all its generations, and any information we could learn of the rest of life in space. That's how I can speak Jawa." Faye chuckled, as she heard a small puff of air escape Mando's shiny helmet. She smiled slightly and continued. "From practically birth, I was taught years of history and languages. It's a good thing my people were blessed with extensive memories. It's a blessing and a curse." Mando watched as Faye's eyes darkened seemingly lost in the memories that her story brought.

"A lot of the knowledge I have could be dangerous if it fell into the wrong hands. That's why I am constantly being hunted."

"Why aren't you with your people? Surely they could protect you." Faye turned and looked at the Mandalorian with an emotion he well recognized and he knew what she was going to say before she said it.

"The planet was destroyed not long after I left. Some say it was from a solar flare or a group of asteroids, but no one knows for sure. As far as I know, I am the last of my people, and the last with the knowledge that the Keepers guarded for centuries." Mando's mind was flooded with memories from his own past. Memories that he kept locked away as they only ever brought pain, and pain was weakness.

"My parents are also gone. They were killed when I was a child. The Mandalorians saved me, took me in, gave me a family. I would have nothing if not for them."

"I understand how you feel." That was the wrong thing to say. Mando lashed out, uncomfortable sharing his past with someone he barely knew. And also because part of him felt comfortable sharing because it was her.

"How could you know what that's like? You had loving parents, and you're the one who chose to leave. Don't pretend to understand what it's like to lose someone you care about." A heavy silence fell. Faye sat in shock at his outburst. Her eyes blinked slowly as she looked at the heaving shoulders of the Mandalorian. This was so different from the cold, uncaring man she had first met. Faye carefully calculated her next words.

"You're right, I chose to leave. But you're wrong if you think I don't know what it's like to lose someone." Mando's helmet quickly snapped toward her and Faye held up a hand to stop the raving he was about to start.

"My mother died when I was young, four or five, I think, and after her death my father changed." Out of the corner of her eye, Faye saw Mando's shoulders start to lower and he slowly shook his head.

"He no longer kept the records as diligently, he stopped helping me with my studies and learning our culture. That's why my Mando'a isn't up to par." Mando let out an exasperated grunt. At least that answered one of his questions, Mando thought. The small smile Faye sent him quickly faltered as she continued.

"And then he started drinking-"

"You don't have to." Mando interrupted, afraid of where this was headed. He wasn't sure if he wanted to know what demons Faye had in her past, especially if they were ones he couldn't kill.

"Yes, I do." She took a deep breath. "He started beating me, or throwing things, for basically anything. Not fixing the food the right way or not knowing the information that he refused to teach me. That's where my scars came from. So, I decided to leave. I was eight. I snuck onto a transport ship and I never looked back. After the planet was destroyed, I made the mistake of using my last name. The remenants of the Empire caught word that a Keeper was still alive and the hunt for me began. I've been running ever since, making a lot of enemies along the way. So yes, Mando, I understand loss." The words weren't delivered in spite or anger, instead, they were given in resignation. Mando could see the tired lines under Faye's eyes and regretted bringing up her past when she had only recently woken up from extreme blood loss.

"Well, we've kind of messed up the whole friendship process." Mando turned to see Faye sporting her mischievous smirk once again, like the conversation never happened.

"What do you mean?"

"You're supposed to ask the small questions first and then move on to the deep stuff. But now you've gone and done it backwards."

"You're the one who decided to answer with your life story."

"You're the one who wanted to know in the first place." The corners of Mando's mouth lifted in a small grin. The banter was normal. It was easy. Much easier than the deep conversation from earlier, but Mando was glad it happened. He understood Faye more now, and he knew then that he would never let anyone hurt her like her father did again. If he had to take on the whole galaxy to protect her, to protect the child, he would.

"Okay then, what's your favorite color." Mando started.

"Oh no, you've stepped over the line with that one Mando." Faye's words dripped with sarcasm and she could feel Mando's eye roll.

"It's brown." Faye said.

"Brown? That's your favorite?"

"Yeah. I mean, brown is so many different colors, you know. It's the color of chocolate, or the rich, darkness of the earth. I associate it with the heavenly smell of fresh, hot caf and the clean smell of the woods. It's the best." Faye had closed her eyes and a small smile rested on her lips as she thought about the color. Mando studied her from the bottoms of her feet, to her arms wrapped in gauze, to the top of her head covered in all that bouncy, red hair. She opened her eyes and stared directly into his. The bright green of her eyes reflected the passing stars, and Mando wondered how she always managed to automatically find his gaze behind his vizor.

"What's yours?"

He didn't even have to think about his answer.

"Green."