MAE DAY (Book 1 COMPLETE) (Book 2 in progress on Wattpad)

Chapter 17 - MAE DAY

I sat at the table well after everyone had gone back to bed. I couldn't wrap my head around how or why Lee had made me forget. I had over stepped the mark with him. I knew what his mother had said about 'one not being able to resist the other' and I knew in my mind that although I was attracted to Lee, as anyone would be, he was my sisters brother in law and it just made it feel wrong, like I somehow I was betraying her memory.

I couldn't believe I did that, it was so unlike me and how the hell I could ignore the fact that Suri was ill and under the same roof as I jumped her fathers bones... it just doesn't make sense. My moral compass would never allow that to happen. Maybe the sleep deprivation and loneliness of being a mum to three orphans, whilst mourning my sister, and trying to find my feet had made me act irrationally.

As if life wasn't complicated enough, I now had another little life to take into consideration and be scared for. That is if the stress I was under already didn't make me miscarry. A horrific fleeting thought of 'maybe that would be for the best' passed through my mind. I couldn't stop the tears that had been falling for the past ten minutes or so. Rolling one after another down my cheeks and just when I thought they were stopping I would remember why they had started, and cry again.

What had started them off? Being pregnant? No. Not remembering having sex with Lee? No. Feeling like I had betrayed Suri by taking advantage of her father whilst she lay ill in bed? Partly. The main reason. My sister April was not here for me to turn to. She was not going to become an auntie. We wouldn't meet for coffee and have fat babies sitting in the highchairs giggling at us or go shopping for baby clothes, discuss names, how big my bump was getting and how terrifying the childbirth stories were at my birthing class. She couldn't tell me what I had gotten myself into or should I say what she has got herself into, which cost her and her husband their lives, and very nearly the children. I couldn't hide behind her when Lee and I came face to face or when his parents hit the roof because he is due to marry Stephanie, let alone who ever else got involved in this mad world I had come to call home.

The soundtrack to my life played in my mind 'Mad World'. I had liked the song before and now it's haunting melody and lyrics resonated too much with my life to hold anything but contempt.

I just want out. I want to grab my bag and run. I want my old life back. Cheating boyfriend and all. That I could deal with. This... this was far too much for just my shoulders to carry.

I sat at the table, head resting on my folded arms. I decided that it was time to speak to my mother; I hadn't spoken to her since my sister died and she should know she was going to become a grandmother again. I dialled the number on my mobile and waited. She would be up for work so the chances of her answering were good.

"Hello," she answered in a sing song voice.

"Hi mum," I said trying to sound just as happy.

"Lisa! I was just about to call you. I've got the day off work to finalise some things. Your father and I were thinking of arranging your wedding reception at that big manor house you like. Apparently they are hosting weddings now and yours will be the first after the refurb..."

"Mum it's Mae," I said as she rattled off at high speed, her voice full of excitement.

"Who?" she asked.

"Mae..." I repeated my voice breaking as she didn't recognise me. "Your daughter," I said into the handset.

"Oh Mae, look sweetheart I don't have time to speak right now, I am getting ready for work. Perhaps you could call back later..."

"Well a minute ago when you thought I was Lisa you said you have the day off work."

"Oh... erm well it's not the best time to call. I am..."