A house is only as fun as your house mate

Chapter 8: Keith

It had been a few months now since I had moved in with Lance, about five to be exact. And it wasn’t all that bad. We hadn’t argued for some time and whenever either of us needed space, we would give it to one another. Work had been going well for me and I actually enjoyed my job. Bellamy was a cool boss and he constantly had to comment on mine and Lance’s relationship. He just couldn’t seem to keep his nose out of it. The only downside was, I hadn’t kissed Lance since the night that I ran away. And that was over four months ago. He seemed to pull himself away from me more and more recently, enclosing himself inside a box almost. I mean I understand that I did that to him on a regular basis, but he has always tried and tried with me, it’s as if now, he has just given up. Especially within the last week. When we eat together, he has very little to say, when we sleep next to each other, he has his back to me completely, if I end up under the duvet, he refuses to get under it himself and vice versa. I don’t understand, what did I do wrong? Does he not like me? Did I misinterpret the signs that he was giving? I lay hunched over myself on the bed next to Lance who was softly snoring away to himself. I found my phone in the darkness and checked the time. 3:46. It was only Sunday so it wouldn’t matter were I to sleep in because I didn’t sleep now but I wanted to be able to spend a day with Lance. He wasn’t allowing such pleasures at the moment. He wouldn’t even look at me head on. Continuing to cradle myself gently, I thought more and more about what possibly could have gone wrong between us. I look over at him as his side rose and fell with every intake of breath. I couldn’t sleep. I had been having trouble sleeping more so, since Lance started brushing me off. Only sleeping in hour intervals and the little sleep I did get, left me feeling groggy by morning. I took one more look at Lance before feeling a slight course of bravery within me. He lay under the duvet and so not only did I decided to get under the duvet myself, I wrapped an arm around his bare torso in the hopes that holding him close would put me to sleep. I breathed in the scent of ocean and bubble-gum, feeling pleased at what I had managed to achieve all by myself. I burried my nose in the nape of his neck, causing a little grunt to escape the Cuban man’s throat. He shifted slightly beneath me but not so much so that I lost my grip on him. Part of me wished for him to know that I was doing this, that he could recognise that I still wanted him. Yet that dream, like every other one of mine, was too far fetched and not realistic. I just let reality take me instead, allowing the present to make me feel comfortable in my current state. ‘I just want Lance back’. I thought, ‘i just want him to love me’. A single tear rolled down my cheek and onto his back, soaking into his soft skin. ‘i just want Lance to love me’.

The next morning, I awoke to a pair of arms cradling my shoulders and my head on a chest. I was sat in their lap humming softly in content, before I realised exactly what I was doing. I didn’t move but I had stopped humming at the least, and I had gone slack in their lap. “morning sleepy head.” Lance yawned, gruffly. I peeled my arms away from his waist yet he refused to let me go. I lay slumped on him awkwardly, yet I was still happy with the position. I was too scared that he would leave me again and go all distant, to not try and keep him there as long as I could. Sitting like this made me feel that moving out would be a bad idea, that I should stop looking now. The truth is, I think I had found a place now. I nearly had enough money, I just hadn’t told Lance. Even though I knew I had to move, I didn’t want to. Moving away from Lance would break the fact that I had told him I would never leave him. I told him that I would come back every week to check the cupboards, but we both knew that something like that would hardly ever happen. Once I move, I’m gone. We both knew that. I was never one for looking back on the past. It was only recently that I had started looking back as often as I was. Damned Lance made me like this. A mess. He placed his chin in my hair, making his grip on me tighter. “whats this all of a sudden?” I mumbled.

“i woke to your arm draped over me and I guess I took the opportunity.” I sat bolt upright then, ripping his tight grip, severing it but not breaking it completely. “you took advantage of my sleep induced form?” I cried. Panic flooded his face. He shook his head profusely. “no that’s not what it was like.” He let me go and ran his hands through his hair anxiously, the way he always did. “i hadn’t held you like that in a while, especially never while asleep.” He sighed.

“It’s been four months Lance.” I huffed, crossing my arms over my chest.

“what do you mean?” he asked, pain evident in his tone. I sighed angrily and sunk into the pillow on my side of the bed. “of course you wouldn’t know.” I growled. It had been some time since we have both acted like this with each other. I tell you now, I did not miss it. “keith.” He huffed warningly himself.

“You haven’t given me any form of affection for four nearly five months McClain. What is up with that? And now you just weedle your way through to me by hugging me while I’m asleep. Do I get no warning?” I half yelled. I was so done with him at this point. He was an oblivious idiot. He didn’t care for me, he was just another walking pity party that seemed to tail me. I decided to drop the bomb then and there. “i think I found my own place.” I explained. His face fell now.

“You did?” he squeaked. I nodded. “oh.” He ran his fingers through his hair yet again. “why would you care?” I demanded. Lance gulped.

“You know what, I don’t, I'm glad you found your own place.” Anger laced his voice fairly obviously. I stood up, huffing as I did so. I grabbed myself a shirt and threw it over my head. “well I’m glad you don’t have an issue with it.” I said before walking downstairs to get myself a well earned drink. Lance, surprised at my actions, stumbled upstairs before running downstairs towards me. I was too late to picking up on what he was doing. He planned on hugging me and holding me to him, yet I spun around at the wrong second, so not only did he end up pushing me into the table from the velocity at which he was running at me, but he tripped leaving our faces, dangerously close to each other. “am I a mistake to you?” he asked eventually. Confused at what he had said, I had to think of what he meant. That’s when it dawned on me. The day of my interview, I had explained that the song we were listening to, reminded me of one of the gravest mistakes in my life. I had told him that the mistake was him. I shook my head. He still refused to move his face away from me. I glanced down at the sweater that he had pulled on. I didn’t recognise it as one of his and got worried that he had actually been secretly seeing someone else without my knowing, when I realised it was one of mine. He had obviously grabbed it accidentally in his plight to get down the stairs. He hadn’t even put it on properly, it was not only askew on his broad shoulders but back to front and inside out, making his look even messier. “then why did you say I was a mistake to you?” his eyes were glassy and his stare was painful to look into.

“You weren’t the mistake to me. My feelings for you were. I couldn’t come to terms with them quick enough and I lost you.” Realisation sparked across his face. The realisation soon got replaced with utmost guilt. “but it’s okay, I will be moving out soon anyway, you needn’t worry about that anymore.” I sighed. I was about to say something else, when I felt his lips upon mine. My spine pressed further into the table, digging in severely. I would have stopped it but it felt too good having him kiss me after so long. I had missed the sensation that he gave me. The way I could just lose myself entirely in everything that was him. I couldn’t live without this man, he was everything I wanted to be. He made the parts of me that I lacked whole. We had grown so in sync that we knew a lot of what we were both thinking, even when he ignored me, he still picked up on the signals that I was radiating. I opened my eyes and saw Lance’s closed. I smiled against him and pushed back so that I could relieve the pressure from my back. When we pulled away eventually, Lance had begun to pant faintly and his lip looked slightly more swollen than what it was usually like. I couldn’t help the giggle that escaped my mouth at the sight of him. He smiled himself and held me close to him. “please, if you have to leave, can you wait a little longer?” he begged into my ear softly. I chuckled.

“i think I can hold on for another few months." I confirmed.

“i can take that.”