Obsession

1

Obsession-1

You would think that I have moved on. That the past would've left the surface of my mind. But the pain still aches me. The pain that I have felt for more then a year. I couldn't deal with myself the first few days of raw emotion. I had to flee. It was the best idea to leave everything behind... right?
Mother moved me to a small town furthest away from Chattanooga as possible. Still in the state of Tennessee, just a low income facility in the middle of nowhere. Fun right?
Over time I had myself to think about. What things i've done wrong in the relationship that truly broke me into pieces. I've grown, from my facial features to my bust. I still hated how i looked. Everytime I looked myself in the mirror, he would be there. Wrapping his warm fingers around me, just to say how beautiful i looked after a long day of school.
His voice still echoes in my head. I just can't get myself to think about anything different.
"Kendra?" My mom knocks on my door. Making me shut my diary to stuff under the sheets of my bed.
"Come in," I say hiding the urge to cry.. again. Actually it's been a couple of months since i last she's a year about the heart break. Not only did he break my heart, he broke me mentally.
"I got news," it was more of a sigh that came out, only worrying me as the expression on my mother's face goes dim.
"Bad? Good?" I question.
" I got a job," She smiles by force, hiding the real problem behind the situation.
"That's great!" I smile for her. Idk if it was my fake enthusiasm that threw her off, or the fact that i sound retarded.
"Only one thing," She stops. "it's back in Chattanooga."
It was like everything came back to The surface of my mind again. Reality hitting me purely out of spite.The  universe wants me to run, break down and scream to stay here in this small town.  But i can't help what my mom has. So i chose the other option.
"What's the problem with that?" I shrug, hiding the emotions that will truly tear me apart from the outside.
"Kendra..." She knows me to well.
"It's fine mom, I'm over him. I haven't cried in months and honestly haven't thought about him either," I half lie.
"We're moving tomorrow, the truck takes us early in the morning," She smiles.
"Thanks," is the only work i can say
"I love you, goodnight,"  she tells me and i smile.
"I love you," we're the last words i said to her before she shut the door and walked away.
-
I wonder if you remember me Jaden. I wonder if you remembered the girl who truly fell for you so hard that it was almost impossible to get up. I still wonder if you looked the same, smell the same, smiled.. the same. I would kill to see your face, those lips, your hair. It was only a fantasy to me. I only wanted your love in return Jaden. All i wanted was to hear those three words to come out of you, and you meaning them. You were everything i wanted.
I would ponder over the idea of you missing me like i do. Ofc not- that's what i always told myself. Only engraving the words on my heart, making it sting more fluently. I would kill for my subconscious to be wrong sometimes, those times. But i still wonder. When i came back, would you still notice me? Would you think of me as the same girl you left broken? Well, oh well have to find out..tbc