Little Bird (Ziall Horlik) M-preg

Chapter 15

Zayn's POV

I was woken up by the sound of a baby whimpering beside me. I opened my eyes and saw the room was still dark, so my head didn't hurt as bad as it would if the lights were on.

I pulled the baby closer to me and I looked down to see Christopher was in his blue monkey footy pajamas. Niall absolutely loves these. He stopped his little sounds as I held him closer to me. I looked over at his sister, who was wrapped up in Niall's arms, and felt a wave of guilt rush over me.

How could I be so stupid to want to leave this? Not only that, but be so stupid to believe that Niall, a responsible trustworthy father of two, would cheat on me. I'm not making excuses for why I messed up, but I know in my heart I don't deserve him. I'm so much older than him, I'm a stupid man that paints for a living and sells art, and I can't love him in any of the right ways no matter how hard I try.

I reached my hand out and ran my fingers under his puffy eyes. I did that to him. I hurt him and made him cry. I always wanted to be the one to save him from pain or tears, now I'm the one that inflicted that on him.

"I'm sorry, Nialler." I whispered to him, hoping he would hear me. His eyes fluttering open and he looked at me through his sleepy eyes. He nodded and leaned into my hand.

"Why wouldn't you believe me?" He whispered back, his Irish accent seemed allot thicker a this ungodly time of night. I ran my fingers over his cheek again, but didn't break eye contact no matter how hard it was to look into those broken blue eyes.

"I thought Harry was my best friend. He's always so honest and out for everyone else. This isn't something I ever thought he would lie about. But, it also wasn't something I thought you would do. It was just my insecurities and stupidity telling me to believe Harry." I told him quietly with some of my own tears spilling down my face. He moved his head to the side and kissed my fingers, then looked back at me.

"You're perfect, how could you feel anything but that? You're kind, loving, giving and not to mention completely selfless. How could you feel insecure about yourself?" He asked me. That was all it took for me to break. I sobbed quietly while holding my son close to me. I've never told anyone this, not even my parents know about this. I've always hid it behind a few things that look believable.

"Tell me, Zayn." Niall whispered sweetly and scoot closer so he could kiss my cheek, but not close enough to squish the babies between us. I took his kiss and decided it was time for me to stop that stupid fake brave face I put on for everything and tell someone the truth. The reasons why I feel like I'm never good enough for anything. The real me, who is anything but brave. The real me who is actually broken.

"When I was in school, I was bullied because I'm half Pakistani. Really I knew it was because I'm brown and not white. The teachers would tell me I would amount to nothing, kids wouldn't sit by me because they thought I was dirty because my skin wasn't pure like theirs. I would get beat up in bathrooms, locker rooms, you name it. One day I actually got lit on fire, I was in my first year at high school. They told me I should burn in hell like the rest of my people should. I couldn't look at my ruined self after that without hearing the hateful words being repeated in my head. That's why my whole arm is covered with tattoos. I don't even like them very much, but it covers up the scars and damage done to me. I never told anyone this because I thought it was normal. I never told my parents this because I thought they would think I'm weak and would stop being proud that I could provide for our family at such a young age. The words spoken to me every day since my first day of school to my last have forever been embedded in my brain. I know in my heart I didn't amount to anything, and I know in my heart I am worthless. So, when you came into my life, those words seemed to always resurface and tell me again who I really am. I don't deserve you, not in a million years. I'm a weak insecure idiot that will believe the worst thing first, thinking I deserve it. I'm so sorry I'm not good enough." I told him and kissed the tip of his nose. I let my tears fall freely and ran my fingers through his hair.