My experiences as an aro ace

How I realized I'm ace

So about two months ago I was thinking about things (I'm 17 btw) and realized I'd never seen someone and thought wow I want to have sex with them. I've also never dated or even gone on a single date. (I live in a small town so even if I wanted to there aren't many options) I realized most people probably do think that, even if it's about a celebrity or something. So then I was like ok, I've heard of asexual, let me learn more about it. I read several articles about asexuality and thought wow that really seems like me. I also thought it made sense because like when I was maybe 10 my sisters had crushes and one day I was riding my scooter around outside and thought I want to have a crush too, so I decided that I had a crush on Spencer from Good Luck Charlie. I remember thinking cool, now I have a crush. I didn't know at the time that you don't just decide to have a crush on someone, it comes naturally.

So fast forward several years, I'm 16. I had seen hot guys and thought wow they're hot, but had never wanted to sleep with them or anything, and didn't even know that was a thing people did. So there was a guy my age who I thought would ask me to go to prom (I'm homeschooled so it was a homeschool prom) and I was thinking if he did and if we started dating would I want to kiss him? I thought ew no I don't want to kiss him! At the time I was like that's so rude to him it's not like he's ugly or anything, and I felt bad about not wanting to kiss him or anything. (Turns out he didn't ask me and the prom got cancelled because of covid anyway)

In different tv shows and movies and things I saw guys I liked, but mostly just because of their personality, and didn't ever think of actually wanting to sleep with them or anything. So I didn't notice I was different than anyone else. Also, I had sexual fantasies (I think my microlabel is aegosexual) but I could never put a face on the person I was imagining doing it with, or else I stopped because I didn't like imagining that. Even if it was a celebrity or even a random face I made up, I didn't like it. I came to realize most people would enjoy imagining things like that, so I was somehow different. That's part of why it took me so long to realize I think, because sex as a theoretical and impersonal concept didn't bother me and even seemed fun. But even picturing myself kissing or doing it with any of my guy friends seemed weird and gross. Meanwhile, my sisters talk about how much they want to kiss different celebrities and how much they want boyfriends. So eventually I came to accept that I was asexual. It was a pretty big shocker, because I'd never really thought I was all that different from other people, and I love making dirty jokes and stuff and it didn't bother me to see sex scenes in movies. Over two weeks I came to terms with it and called myself asexual, but didn't tell anyone. It was also a surprise because I always thought I'd get married one day and all that, and realizing I might not was a big thing to accept. I'm very happy in my identity, I don't think I would choose to be allo even if I could, but it was a lot to process. So there you go, that's how I found out I'm ace! Stay tuned in the next chapter for how I came out to my siblings and friend.

Random fact: today I had a breadstick and it was delicious. I also wore my black ace ring all day which made me happy, thankfully no one seems to know what it means.

Anyway yeah, have a great day and remember you are valid and not alone! 💜💚🤍🖤