this is pretty much just going to be me talking about how I realized I was aro ace, things I go through that may be different than other people because I am, and things like that. If you're ace and or aro then yay I hope you like it and can relate...
Hi everyone. I think this chapter will be about feeling invisible.
(Who needs an invisibility cloak when you've got the ace flag am I right? *Cries in invisibility*)
Anyway, lately I've just been feeling kind of invisible because there's almost no real ace/aro representation in the world and sometimes it all just feels really lonely. What I do to compensate is just look at a shit ton of ace/aro memes and stuff and basically anything I can find online that talks about it. That's fun and helps me I think but it's also so sad because like my parents probably don't even know aro is a thing, much less what it means. It's sad that the community is so ignored and disregarded. Maybe I'm being dramatic I'm not sure it just bothers me.
Also the other day I was talking about something to do with being ace to my sisters (two of the five people I'm out to) which I don't do very often because I'm scared I'll talk about it too much and bother them. Anyway I said how I wanted to dye my hair purple since it's the color on the ace flag and they were like be careful not to make one thing (they didn't outright say it but they obviously meant being ace) your whole personality. I just went along and agreed because I'm not a very confrontational person, but it really bothered me. Because like I talk about being ace/aro and stuff way less than my sister talks about a guy she likes but I need to be careful not to be *too* ace I guess. Also, maybe I overcompensate and talk to them about it a lot (which I really don't, I make a joke or comment every now and then but not all the time) because I'm not out to most people and I feel invisible! Ugh. I'm not trying to throw a pity party or anything but like they don't know what it's like! And so what if purple and green are my favorite colors partly because of the flags! I just feel kind of invalidated I guess. Even though that makes me angry it also makes me want to never talk about it in case I annoy them. Honestly why the fuck should I worry about annoying them anyway. This is an important part of who I am and I deserve to talk about it some.
That was nice to kind of rant about. Thankfully my friend Michael is really nice about it, I don't talk about it as much with him since we mostly text and it doesn't usually come up, but today I sent him this meme I made
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And he said it was beautiful (he makes tons of memes) which was really nice. So that felt really good. Also today is national best friends day! I should have told him happy national best friends day but I might not be one of his best friends so I didn't. It's weird because he is the only friend I have that I actually chose to be friends with, all my other friends are my siblings. Even though I love them all it's kind of special with him because there's no obligation to talk with him or anything, we just enjoy each other's company. It's just different. Also shout out for platonic love!! Because I love him a lot honestly but platonically. It's tricky loving people platonically because even though he knows I'm ace/aro and is very supportive of me it would still be kind of weird to say I love you. You know? That's annoying. I also wrote a poem about him and our friendship last night but I didn't send it to him because I don't know I guess I'm scared it will make things awkward. I love how I can write my deepest darkest secrets in here and you wonderful people on the internet will see them but no one else. *Virtual hug to all my internet friends*
Aaaaaanyway I think that's about all for tonight, have a wonderful day/night you amazing valid you!!💚🤍🖤🤍💜🏳️🌈
