Roomies (boyxboy)

Shakespeare is Not in Love

Shakespeare is Not in Love

Ryan was bored...again. It was the Friday before break, and he was sitting after school, early evening, with Miranda and her friends at a coffee shop. Ongoing discussions of political protests they wanted to attend and get out the vote rallies they were planning raged on and on like a tsunami of words. They would stand up, gesticulate, pontificate, pound their fists, raise their voices, and sit back down to go over schedules only to be inspired again and tweet out thoughts and views to their followers about every issue under the sun.

Ryan just let it wash over him. He sipped his iced coffee and looked out the window as the cars passed by, their red brake lights reflected in the puddles on the asphalt. Every now and then he nodded in agreement or gave Miranda a smile if she chanced to look over at him, checking in, but his mind was far away, thinking about things better left to the past. Wishing he was somewhere else. Wondering lethargically if this was what he had to look forward to for the remainder of the year.

Miranda was wonderful. Sweet, kind, thoughtful, considerate, intelligent. He knew he was really lucky that she had agreed to go out with him. She was basically the queen of the school in a lot of ways, and even though he had been somebody at his last school, a major athlete and high achiever, these days, he barely scraped by with B's and couldn't drum up any energy for sports. But she still chose him. He put his hand on her back, rubbing gently, twisting his fingers in her hair as she went over the latest news from BLM leaders at school, arguing that the student government could do more to support their next initiatives. Her face was animated, energetic, passionate. She was making a difference and it was important. Ryan was proud of her, proud she was his girlfriend.

But even as he caressed her, he..... he truly wished he was at home, eating popcorn, playing legos with Leah as someone made dinner in the kitchen. He wished with all his heart he was there in THAT moment, with the rain pattering against the windows as Jess and someone set the table, and then quietly eating dinner, talking about preschool, playdough, books and nothing consequential. Just warm, comforting....happy.

Ryan swallowed and mentally shook his head. It wasn't going to happen, he needed to burn away all those memories and hopes. That way led to danger. Because he knew it wasn't all spaghetti and movies, whispers and kisses; it was also pain and rejection and misery.

He refocused on the girl next to him, and her friends, and made more of an effort; asking questions, participating, moving forward, letting go. It wasn't boring, just new; not his usual kind of activity, but it's always good to shake things up, try something unfamiliar.

He just wished it made him happy.

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Miranda dropped him off at Jess's house. Ryan unbuckled and stretched his long legs in the passenger seat, giving her a brief smile.

"So....what do you think? Are you up for it?" Miranda asked, her voice hopeful. She sat with her head against the steering wheel batting her eyes at him.

Ryan froze. He'd spaced out on the way home, letting Miranda's chatter go in one ear and out the other.

"Uhhh...ummm.."

"Are you tired, Ryan? I know that meeting took a long time. I also know that it's not that interesting for you. You were so sweet to come anyway," Miranda sat back smiling, not in the last bit annoyed. "No worries. I asked if you want to go with me to see Romeo and Juliet on Monday. We don't have school, duh, but I just thought it might be something different to do. Santa Cruz Shakespeare company is performing at this beautiful outdoor theater in the woods and I've heard such good reviews. Jenna went last weekend and she can't stop talking about it. I really really want to go!" She smiled and pouted. "Pretty please???"