talking to the moon || tsukiyama

chap. 2

It was the next day. Yamaguchi was up and ready to leave his house to walk to Tsukki's place to pick him up.

*brr brr*

That was yamaguchi's phone. He got a message from tsukki.

Yamaguchi's Point of View

*brr brr*

hm? who is texting me this early?

NEW MESSAGE FROM Tsukki♡
I won't go to school today. No need to pick me up.

Finally he's staying at home. At least he'll probably get better. I'll be a little lonely tho but it's fine as long as tsukki is getting better.

Author's Point of View

3 days passed, Tsukki hasn't been to school in those 3 days. Yamaguchi feels worried, of course. Tsukki doesn't usually get sick for so long. He knows that tsukki is the type of person to be sick one day and then automatically get better. So he decided to message Mrs. Tsukishima.

Yamaguchi:
Hello, Mrs Tsukishima! It's yamaguchi, tsukki's best friend. I wanted to know if everything was okay with him and everyone at home. I have noticed that he has gotten a little sick and he told me everything was okay, but I know he doesn't like to talk about his true feelings. Have a nice day!

Mrs. Tsukishima:
Hello, yamaguchi. I realized that Kei didn't tell you. He has been hospitalized for the last two days. This might be a little shocking, but the doctors think he has a tumor inside his lung. I'm sorry for not telling you earlier but as you might've realized, I've been suffering with this too. He's in the hospital xx-xxx, If you need to visit him. I'm sure he'll be happy to see you.

Yamaguchi read the message as soon as in was sent. He just couldn't believe it. He knew there was definitely something wrong with tsukishima, but NEVER expected it to be what is was. He was so shocked he couldn't breathe properly. Next thing you knew, was yamaguchi's tears hitting the ground like crazy, containing his screams due the fact that he was in the middle of the street going home. Yamaguchi blamed himself for not knowing that tsukki was suffering that bad, he didn't even think twice before thinking it was his fault. He quickly ran to the hospital tsukki's mom sent him, which wasn't that far away from where he was, and asked for tsukki's name as soon as he came in the building.
- I want to visit Tsukishima Kei. -he said trying to control his breathing.
The lady gave him the visitor pass and he ran to tsukki's room.

He opened the door and saw a really pale tsukki, connected to an oxygen machine. This image broke his heart. He wanted to do something about it but he knew he couldn't. He wanted to end that suffering but he couldn't.
He sat on a chair that was next to his bed. His parents had left a little earlier, they probably knew Yamaguchi would come as soon as he knew and wanted to leave them to talk alone with each other.
Tsukki was awake, he just had his eyes closed, but as soon as yamaguchi sat on that chair, he opened his eyes and looked at him. His eyes widened. Tsukishima didn't want yamaguchi to see him like that, specially because he didn't knew about the tumor yet. That was the first time ever tsukki wanted to cry compulsively. Seeing yamaguchi's red eyes and puffy cheeks from crying broke him. He felt guilty. Guilty for not telling him sooner, guilty for trying to push him away because of it. Pretty much guilty for everything.
A tear escaped his right eye. Yamaguchi only sat there, looking at tsukki's teary eyes. He was still shocked.
- You can't talk, right? - Yamaguchi asked, putting his hand on tsukki's face, wiping his tears.
- I can, but not too much...- tsukki responded, following to some light coughs escaping his mouth.
-Why didn't you tell me? How long have you known this for? - Yamaguchi didn't know what he was feeling. He had a really big mix of emotions in his head. He felt sad about the whole situation, angry because tsukki didn't tell him and he couldn't do anything, afraid because he might lose the only person who he only truly cares about.
- One month... And I didn't told you... because I didn't wanted to... Make you sad... - Tsukki answered with some pauses to make sure he acquired the necessary amount of oxygen.
- You wouldn't make me so sad if you told me right after you knew tsukki... - Yamaguchi added, trying his best not to burst out crying.
- I... Don't want... To die... - Tsukki said.  Yamaguchi felt that more than he felt anything else in his whole life. He just couldn't keep his tears anymore. He started crying a lot. Tsukishima cried too. He didn't want to die, even tho he knew he probably would. He thought the worst of it was seeing yamaguchi like that, suffering with something he can't control. He couldn't help but let some tears escape too.
- You... You can't die yet!! It's too soon! You're going to be just fine! I believe it and I'll always be here with you! So don't ever tell me to not worry about you again or that there's no point on doing it... - yamaguchi was sobbing uncontrollably. It was like his glass heart had been hit with a iron axe.
Tsukishima didn't know what to say. He only knows that he made his favorite person feel bad.
- I already... Started the treatment... and with luck... I'll be home soon...- Tsukishima said, hopefully he could make yamaguchi a little happier.
- Don't you dare die on me Kei. - yamaguchi said, holding tsukishima's hand tightly.
- I won't... - he responded, making his friend smile.
Yamaguchi passed his hand through tsukishima's hair, only to discover he was losing a lot of hair too. He looked at his hand, full of hair, and thought to himself that this was going to be really difficult. He was thinking about the worst, in this case, losing him. Yamaguchi can't imagine his life without tsukki, and he hasn't told him about how he truly felt towards him.
He took out a little bag he had in his pocket for an unknown reason and put a little bit of hair in it. After that, he put the bag back in his pocket and looked at tsukki, who was deeply in his thoughts.
What was he thinking about you ask me? Everything. The fact that he probably won't live long to graduate with yamaguchi or to visit places he always wanted. Or that he wouldn't be able to visit as many museums with yamaguchi as he did. Basically everything that involved yamaguchi. Tsukki's pretty obvious, just like yamaguchi. They're just both blind enough not to notice, and both of them are afraid to confess. Tsukki always saw himself living until he was old with yamaguchi. He thought they would be the "old gay couple", even if he didn't knew if Yamaguchi liked men or not. He had all this life-program thing ready, and now it's all ruined because of a stupid tumor. Even if he survives, it's not going to be the same.
- Go home... It's late... - tsukki said, looking at yamaguchi again.
- I'll come back tomorrow, okay? - yamaguchi said, getting up and ready to leave.
- Rest, tsukki. - he said before leaving, tsukki nodded his head in a positive answer and closed his eyes to fall asleep.
Yamaguchi called his mom to pick him up from the hospital and when he arrived home he immediately went to his room.
He got the "hair bag" out of his pocket, and grabbed a box from under his bed.
It was an indigo blue box with a lot of star stickers and a big white moon drawing. That box was where yamaguchi kept his things from his best memories with tsukishima.
It had a little dinosaur toy, bracelets, drawing, even the markers tsukishima used to connect yamaguchi's freckles to make constellations.
He grabbed a little tiny box he had where his sister used to put her earrings, and put some strings of tsukki's hair inside it. Then he closed it and put it inside the indigo box.
After putting the boxes in their place, yamaguchi started thinking again. "It's incredible how all this memories can evaporate in within seconds" he thought. He started realizing that he might lose him, so he needs to accomplish some things before anything happens.
And one of them, is confessing to Tsukishima.