talking to the moon || tsukiyama

chap. 8

- ...what...?

Yamaguchi's heart missed a beat. Everything became silent. He didn't want to have understood what the doctor meant.
He looked stood up and looked around, walking a little bit foward.
He started looking for Tsukishima, slowly walking, like he was dragging himself.
He walked until he saw a lot of doctors around someone, taking notes. He got them out of the way with his hands and looked at his friend's now dead and pale body.
The only thing he could hear was the sound one of the machines was making. The strong "beep" played on loop inside his head while he stared at his friend.
Yamaguchi's eyes darkened. He didn't cry, instead he didn't say a word or express anything. he just stood there with a expressionless face.
- Sir...? I don't think it's a good idea for you to be here right now... Please go home for now... I'll will send a taxi for you. - a nurse said to yamaguchi.
He didn't thanked, refuse, disagreed, agreed, he didn't do anything. he didn't even look at her. Right now, he could only stare at Tsukishima's dead body.
The nurse started pulling his arm, trying to lead him to the exit. He didn't move. He stayed right where he was. The nurse pushed him harder, she didn't want another scene of someone losing their loved one again, like she did everyday.
Yamaguchi tried not to move again, but he took a step back.
- why...
He mumbled. Now, his eyes were teary and he looked at the ground.
The nurse knew how he was feeling, after all she saw this type of things everyday. It's not easy working at a hospital.
Yamaguchi's tears fell, rolling down his cheeks. He tried taking some steps forward to get to Tsukishima. The nurse pulled his arm. Of course, it hurts her doing this, but it's her job.
- ...please... i didn't... even say goodbye properly...
Yamaguchi violently sobbed. His legs felt weak and he fell on the ground. He got up again, now free from the nurse's grip, and walked to Tsukishima again.
The nurse didn't grab him again. She understood that he needed to say a last goodbye to his best friend.
One of the doctors saw him, and signaled the others to get away, so Yamaguchi could say goodbye properly.
Yamaguchi pushed all the strength he had left and pulled a chair to sit next to Tsukishima.

- If you feel lonely...i could be lonely with you...tell me baby...why do you seem so blue...why are we so complicated...maybe love is overrated...

Yamaguchi sang, sobbing while stroking Tsukishima's head.

- I'm tired of waiting... i was never good at sports...save the games for the girls on... the tennis court...say you need me... but lately... you feel unsure...come on to me...come on... to me...i need more...

Yamaguchi kept on singing, those were the lyrics to Tsukishima's favorite song, Sports by Beach Bunny.
He looked at him and remembered when they were together at night, before going to sleep. Tsukishima asked him once in a while to sing that song for him. Tsukishima always loved his voice, he always thought it was not like the others. Instead of having a powerful voice, he has a smooth and calm voice, not too quiet but not loud either. It was perfect for Tsukishima.

- I'm sorry for being too late...

He apologized.
He started thinking to himself, what was the last thing he said to Tsukishima.
He got a flashback from the festival night.

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- Where the f!ck are you going!? Yamaguchi asked, running behind him and grabbing his arm.
- Home.
- Why won't you ever listen to me tsukki?? Why is it that you always decide to ignore me? I asked you one thing tsukishima, one!! - he said, stopping the other.
- I just want it to end already. - Tsukishima said and kept on walking.
- You know what? Okay then. die. die alone. breaking promises is fucking lame you know?

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That's the last thing he told him. To die alone. That breaking promises was lame.
He felt like he shouldn't have said that. No, he didn't felt it, he knew it.
Now Yamaguchi feels like tsukishima died, thinking that he hated him when it's the absolute opposite.

- I'm so sorry...

He kept on apologizing. Tsukishima's cold hands were held by Yamaguchi's.
Suddenly, a doctor came up to yamaguchi and tapped on his shoulder, wearing a sad expression.
Yamaguchi knew automatically that he needed to go home. It was not going to help him physically or mentally being inside that hospital.
He nodded to the doctor and took a final look at tsukishima.
He grabbed his glasses and placed them in his pocket before leaving.
He bowed to the doctor, thanking and started heading to the hospital's exit door.
He saw a taxi and got it. He said his house's address and got driven home.
He entered his house and went to his room. His house was empty, just like his heart.
He felt like he had been shot so many times, he felt both physically and mentally tired from everything.
He couldn't have a single though. A he could do was cry while Looking at Tsukishima's glasses.

...

The night came. Yamaguchi has been sleeping the whole afternoon. He woke up around 10PM.
- What a weird hour to wake up...
He got up and looked through his window.
He looked at the sky. Today, it was new moon.
There was no moon today, but the stars were visible.
He thought it was a coincidence. The day tsukishima died, it was new moon night.
Now, the stars were alone without a moon to shine with them.
Yamaguchi tried holding his tears. It was a huge fail. He cried while the wind hit his face.
It was absolutely silent. All you could hear was yamaguchi's sobs.
- Why is it that i always end up talking to myself...? Am i the problem...?
He asked himself.
He wiped his tears, thinking it was stupid to be crying now. He looked at his bed and saw Tsukishima's glasses.
He picked them up and put them inside the indigo box.
After that, he got a call.
It was from Akiteru.