talking to the moon || tsukiyama

chap. 10

Three months have passed. Yamaguchi's mental health didn't seem to get any better. It only got worse and worse every day. He didn't eat or sleep often, he always had nightmares, he stop talking to people and didn't even went to school anymore. All he did was wake up, cry, sleep, eat if he was hungry, cry again and sleep again.
The more days it passed the more he missed tsukishima. Everyday was harder to stand up and live his life, without him.
He was lost, he didn't know what to do. His family says he's being too dramatic and he has to stop being "childish" and live his life.
He wanted too, he just couldn't. It was to hard for him to even talk to his family. He didn't want to face them and tell them how he truly felt about Tsukishima. He knows he'll be judged or maybe even be kicked out of the house.
All he could do was nod at his parents words and ignore his sister.
Everyone thought he was getting better, well, that's because that's what he told everyone, that he was fine and was getting better.
Daichi had texted him a lot of times, asking him how he was and telling him how their teammates were doing.
He always replied, he lied, but at least he replied.
He couldn't find a reason to smile anymore, after all, he lost the only person who kept him alive everyday. And remembering the fact that the last thing he told him was to die alone, he felt worse, if that was possible.
He always held onto things tsukishima left at his place tight.
Tsukishima's parents decided not to ask for them back. They knew Tsukishima liked Yamaguchi, and they were pretty sure he liked him too. All of the situation was hard for them, but they understood that Yamaguchi was really suffering.

Today, yamaguchi left the house. He wanted to get some fresh air.
He walked through the streets that were thankfully empty while listening to music on his airpods. His hair has gotten long already since he shaved it, it already had the famous "antena" he was recognized for.
He looked skinnier, his eyes were red and puffy just as his cheeks. He wore a mask so people wouldn't see his face and think he was crazy.
- Yamaguchi???! - he heard from far behind him.
He turned around and saw the one and only, Hinata Shoyo.
He smiled at him and waved saying a little "hey".
The other ran towards him with a big smile on his face.
- YAMAGUCHI!!!! - he yelled, throwing himself on the other one.
- God Hinata you're heavy!!! - yamaguchi exclaimed, putting him down.
- We have been so worried about you and we all miss you a lot!! When are you coming back?! - Hinata whimpered grabbing the others arm.
- OI! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? - they heard someone yelling behind them.
- KAGEYAMA I FOUND YAMAGUCHI!!! - Hinata said, running towards the other.
- wait... Oh hey... How are you doing? - Kageyama said, walking to yamaguchi.
- Fine... i guess... - Yamaguchi replied, scratching the back of his head.
- We hope you get better soon so we can play together again! - Hinata added, appearing behind Kageyama.
- Yeah! - Kageyama said, holding a volley ball on his hands.
- Yeah, i hope so too... - The other smiled gently at them.
- So, how school's doing? - Yamaguchi asked, trying to avoid awkward silence between them.
- It feels kinda weird without Tsukishima dissing everyone around the school. - Hinata said looking down.
- Yeah... I can understand that... - Yamaguchi replied, looking at the ground, his vision getting blurry and his eyes watering. He blinked his eyes, trying not to let any tears escape.
- Yeah, it isn't the same without him, it's like it's empty... - Kageyama said.
Yamaguchi looked at him and giggled, wiping his eyes.
- what?? What are you laughing at?? And why are you crying!!? - Kageyama explained.
- It's because I thought both of you hated him, since he was always annoying you two, i can't say anything either, i was always with his after all. - he lowered his mask and wiped his eyes once again.
- Of course we didn't hate him! He was a friend, at least to me, even tho he was an asshole most of the time... - Hinata mumbled and kageyama agreed.
Yamaguchi felt a little happy. He hadn't felt like that in a while. He was glad that he wasn't the only one who was Tsukishima's friend. He was happy that both Kageyama and Hinata considered him a friend. He felt proud of it.
- Well, we'll be going home now. We hope you get better soon! - Hinata said, waving at yamaguchi and walking away with kageyama, who did the same thing.
He waved back at them and smiled, holding his tears. He looked at them and saw him and tsukishima, walking home together like they did everyday after training.
He put his hand down and covered his mouth, getting himself on a squatting position.
He sobbed as he watched his tears fall on the ground, wetting the floor.
He recomposed himself and walked back home.
He passed through a store he used to go with Tsukishima. He hasn't been there since he got sick.
He entered the store and greeted the owner. He walked around looking at the store, smiling seeing that nothing has changed.
He stopped on the music corridor. He used to always talk and get excited with tsukishima about music.
Tsukishima loved music, he was always with his earphones on and had so many albums that they wouldn't fit in his room, so he put some in his brother's room.
Yamaguchi walked through the corridor, looking around. His memories flashing his eyes as he walked. It was like he was still there.
Yamaguchi looked at the time and got out of the store, getting back home.
It was late, already 8pm. He entered the house and quickly walked to his room.
He sat on his bed again, putting down his things.
A loud sigh left his mouth.
He looked through the window. He could already see the moon. Today, the moon was just like the first day he watched the moon with tsukishima. A shiny and bright full moon.
- I'm back, Tsukki. - He said walking to the window.
- I don't think i can do it. - He said.

"do what?"

he looked up, and saw tsukishima, next to him.

- keep on living. - he replied, not questioning his imagination.

"you don't have to force yourself too. but I'm not telling you to do it, since you promised me you'd live for me"

- you were listening?

"well, yeah"

- sorry...

"It's fine."

- I wish you were real, you know...? It feels so empty without you... It hurts waking up every day and looking literally everywhere and somehow get memories with in my eyes. I just can't forget it and it keeps banging in my head... It hurts to do everything, physically and mentally... - he looked at his side again, but there was no sight of tsukishima.
Yamaguchi cried, looking at the sky.
He walked to his school bag and grabbed a sharpen.
He grabbed a pencil and took of the part that cut the pencils.

He slowly walked back to his window.

- say, tsukishima, why is it that i always end up alone? Why do people tend to leave me of criticize me? Am my that bad of a person? Do i irritate people?  I really wish I knew why people hated me so much back then when we were kids. "Because you have freckles" they always said. It wasn't my fault, i couldn't change the way i look.

" I always thought you were beautiful..."

- well, thank you.

Yamaguchi looked at his wrist and looked at the razor.

"Are you going to do it?"

- I don't think i can keep on going.

He took a deep breath and started making long cuts all along his forearm
He bit his bottom lip, containing himself to make noise while his tears rolled non stop of his eyes.
He made a few more cuts and looked at his arm again, already feeling sick from the blood loss.

- I always end up alone, talking to the moon.

"The moon?"

- Yeah, Tsukki. The moon...

yamaguchi spoke his last words before falling on the ground.

THE END

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hey 😃 how y'all doin 😃.
sorry for this lmao but did y'all enjoy ? ANW GIVE ME REQUESTS FOR A NEXT FIC CUZ NOW IDK WHAT TO WRITE.
anyways, i hope y'all liked it and thanks for reading the book!
please look forward to my future work and my oneshot "escape room" that you can find in my profile!
again, thanks for reading and i hope i haven't got y'all messed up 😰

bee 🐝