Everything I Do, I Do For You

Chapter 13

It was Tuesday morning, and for Belinda Bassett, that meant only one thing. Dread. For the rest of her family, Tuesdays had become a time for reunion. And while she could not deny her enjoyment that came from seeing her grandmother, recently she had felt as if all eyes were on her. It hadn't helped that both of her sisters had gotten married, as Belinda now seemed to be everyone's topic of interest. She tried to avoid such conversations, volunteering to sit with the nearly twenty cousins or so. If the Bridgerton children knew anything, she told herself, it was how to breed. Someone in her family had been expecting a child nearly every year.

"I think I shall volunteer to throw myself onto the cousins" Belinda told her mother during breakfast that morning.

"Oh but I figured since things were going so well between you and this Kellan Butler, you could tell your aunts and grandmother about it. I am sure they will be excited to hear such news."

Belinda forced a laugh, "I wouldn't say things are going that well"

"I think much better than these past two seasons if I say so myself" Daphne answered confidently.

Before Belinda could think of any sort of answer, the two were interrupted by the arrival of Belinda's sisters.

"Viscountess Joliffe and Lady Findley Wyatt, your grace."

"At the same time?" Belinda asked

"Yes, I picked up Caroline on my way over" Amelia said, coming in without time for acceptable social cues.

"Well she is the queen of punctuality," Caroline said with a sigh. "I was hardly ready to leave yet. I was still eating breakfast myself."

"Caroline" Amelia said sweetly, "from what I have seen, you have not stopped eating since nearly two months ago"

Belinda watched her sister put a hand on her round stomach. "I cannot entirely help it. Geoffrey's mother said she was the same way when she was having him. It makes me think we are more likely to have a boy."

"I'm hoping to have a girl this time around myself,' Amelia replied. She had only recently announced that she and her husband would be expecting their second child nearly three months ago. Belinda had watched, almost enviously as the two women had connected on a different level. It was she who was often mistaken for Caroline's twin, and Belinda had expected for the two of them to grow apart, but something else stung.

"Well if we are all here now, and grandmother expects us here at noon, then I guess we should get going," Amelia said.

"Robert has really done you quite a disservice with this punctuality." the duchess said laughing, "Of course it is nice to see you so soon, but some of us still need to be ready to leave"

"Well I suppose we don't need to leave right now," Amelia said, 'but I insist on helping you finish up. I must admit even after three years of marriage, I quite miss helping you around the house."

"I can tell you with great certainty that that feeling never goes away" the duchess responded with a smile. "Now if you do wish to help me, I need to get something for your aunt Lucy. She asked me to bring her some of that thread I used to embroider your brother's Christening gown. She wishes to make a similar one for your cousin Colin."

"I would like to hope that uncle Colin was already Christened by now." Amelia teased.

Now alone with Caroline, Belinda felt the courage to ask, "Am I different to you?'"

"What?" Caroline questioned.

"Am I different to you?" she repeated

"No, you seem ever as Belinda as you always have been" Caroline replied sweetly.

Belinda shook her head, "Maybe you wouldn't know. You haven't been out much"

"Well if you tell me, then maybe I can help."

Belinda sighed, "I have been spending time with the Earl of Wexford, Kellan Butler. By force. And as much as I want to get rid of him, more and more recently I have not felt that way. And when you started showing interest in Geoffrey..."

"Belinda are you trying to tell me that you think you are in love?" Caroline looked shocked.

"Well that's just it, I do not know at all. And it scares me." Belinda.

"Well if it's scary, then I hated to say it, but you clearly feel something positive about this..Kellan Butler?"

Belinda felt as if she was going to be ill. "God but marriage sounds awful."

"Belinda if this is the kind of thing where even you are considering marriage, then I would say that yes you possibly do love him." Caroline answered.

"But that would mean I am giving up!" Belinda answered. "And giving in to the undesirable idea of domestic life."

"Undesirable?" Caroline seemed to only hang on to the last word.

"Yes. Being a wife seems highly undesirable. And limiting." Belinda said with an air of confidence.

Belinda watched her sister's face pinch up, like she had just sucked on a lemon, "By saying that" her voice was sharper than Belinda had ever heard before, "You have just done a great disservice to myself. A great disservice to mother. And a great disservice to grandmother. For you to say that being a wife limits one's life makes it sound like you consider all of us to be failures."

Belinda did not know what to say.

"And furthermore, how would you even know that marriage limits a woman, if you've never been married." Caroline shot daggers with her words.

"Well I just..." Belinda stammered.

"Well now I get it." Caroline through her hands up, "Geoffrey will be so relieved to know I've figured it out."

"What are you talking about?" Belinda asked, almost crying

"I have been trying to figure out why you were so averse to marriage. I don't think it's that you are against it. You are afraid of it!"

"Afraid of it?" Belinda questioned

"Yes. Everything you do, you do because it feels safe for you. You don't know anything about what marriage will do to you, and it scares you. God I am still very good!" Caroline clapped.

The words lingered in Belinda's mind. She hadn't considered that. She enjoyed challenges, but really only when she knew that she could win.

"You could be right." Belinda whispered, rubbing her eyes.

"I hate to brag, but I believe I am" Caroline answered confidently.