Everything I Do, I Do For You

Chapter 16

"What?" Kellan repeated in the now empty room. Everything was going perfectly. He had confessed his true feelings for her, and she had felt the same way. They had even gone so far as to make love, which he had to add was better than any other time he had done it before. But something was wrong. And Kellan Butler had no idea what it was.

Getting out of the bed, Kellan walked over to where she had been. Looking at the pile of notes around where she was sitting, he couldn't help but notice a familiar letter.
"Oh no," Kellan felt sick.

How had he let that letter from Lord Fairfield slip in there. He must have accidentally grabbed it when he was compiling what to give her. She must have read it and thought it was the truth.

And in a way, he knew it was the truth. This had all started out as some kind of drunken bet. But over the past few weeks, it had become real. He loved her. He knew it to be so. For if he did not actually love Belinda Bassett, then he would not feel so terrible right now. In just those brief perfect moments, he could have ruined her for life.

Rushing to dress himself, he knew he had to find Belinda. He picked up every single paper he could find and went out into the hallway. It was dark, as he was sure Lord and Lady St. Clair had not expected anyone to make their way down here, and he highly doubted Belinda would sneak back into the ballroom. Unless of course that was just what she had planned on doing. Setting him off track. He headed down the less likely but more probable route to attempt to find her.

He pushed his way through the crowd searching for Belinda or the duke and duchess. They had simply vanished, making him feel worse. He needed a higher vantage point, that way he could see if they were leaving. Climbing up the main staircase, he searched hopefully for her. Staying there for a solid five minutes, Kellan came to the unfortunate conclusion that she must have ventured deeper into the house, and for the time being was practically lost to him. He knew he would have to make amends tomorrow. Now he knew he needed to go home. It would only hurt Belinda more if he remained and stayed social after hurting her like that.

Without bothering to bid farewell to his host and hostess, Kellan made his way outside. Like meeting a funeral procession head on, Kellan found himself face to face with Lord Connor Fairfield.

"Leaving so soon?" Connor asked, his words slurred by alcohol. Kellan noticed that the woman on his arm was not one of the ladies of the ton, but instead one of the St. Clair maids.

"This is all your fault" Kellan grumbled angrily.

"So I should guess things have not worked out between you in Miss Bassett? You can give me the 500 pounds as soon as you are able." Connor laughed.

Pulling back his right arm that had won him multiple titles throughout university, Kellan hit Connor squarely on the cheek.

"You've nearly broken my nose" Connor said, rubbing the hit area.

"Would you like me to break it for you this time?" He held up his fist again.

Connor shook his head. His lower class partner put her hand on his cheek and whispered something kind to him.

Kellan dropped his hand and ran towards his carriage. The past four hours had simultaneously become the worst and best times of his life. He needed to comfort Belinda. He needed to apologize.

He would understand if she never spoke to him again. Despite the best intentions, what he had done was awful. She deserved someone better than that. Surely he had ruined his chances. Arriving home, he could only just imagine what his family would say. But tonight, the voice escaping from the painting was his father's. In his mind, Kellan knew his mother would be too ashamed to have a son act that poorly.

"You don't have to worry about anything son," His father said, "You're a man. You can do what you want. There will be other girls falling at your feet within days of them finding out that you and Miss Bassett are no longer together."

"I don't want other girls." he replied. "I want Belinda. Or at least for her to know that I am sorry for what I have done."

"I didn't raise you to act like this," his father answered.

"Yes and I think that that is the problem." Kellan headed up to his room to get some sleep.

As he had done the nights before, his dreams were flooded with the presence of Belinda. But this time they were different and much worse. He saw her, diminished to nothing, living on the worst side of town on the streets. The duke and duchess must have been so ashamed that they kicked her out. In her arms, which had grown very frail due to the lack of food and shelter, she held a baby. His own by-blow. This is why they had kicked her out. Being taken advantage of was bad enough for any young woman, but that child. One that in other circumstances would have been welcomed with great love and joy (after all it was easy to get away with an eight month baby) had taken all opportunity away from her.

Kellan tried to reach out to the woman he loved. But before he could get close enough, she ran away. He tried to keep up, it was his own dream dammit why couldn't he have control? But she stayed just out of his reach. Kellan woke up in the middle of the night, with tears wet on his cheeks.

"I am so sorry Belinda" he said loudly to no one. "I have let you down. And if I have to, I will spend the rest of my life apologizing to you."