Everything I Do, I Do For You

Chapter 19

"My shoes?" Belinda sat hunched over her desk scribbling away in her journal. She felt as if she was almost back to her normal self. The first few days had been a hard adjustment for her, but now she felt as private and snarky as ever.

Just two days ago she had received a visit from that monthly companion, and she had stumbled into hysterics again. Despite the relief that should have come from stained sheets, Belinda felt as if this was the ending of those few weeks where she started to actually feel something towards Kellan Butler. He was finally out of her life, and her system, and she could possibly go back to being the same old Belinda again.

Until this morning, when her daily writing time had been interrupted

"You have a guest this morning. He says he has your shoes?" a servant called out.

"Who would have my..." it had taken her just a brief second to remember that night nearly two weeks earlier when she had left him with her shoes. She debated as to whether or not she should dignify him with her appearance. Then again, if she was as put together as she felt she was, then she would have no trouble taking the shoes and then asking him to leave. Closing her journal, she stood up and checked her reflection in the mirror. She hadn't bothered to do her hair this morning, then again why would she? She wasn't expecting company. And now that she did have a guest, someone who had hurt her so, she felt no need to fix herself up for him. She practiced her best dissatisfied glare and made her way to meet her unexpected and unwelcome guest.

She found him sitting on a parlor sofa. He looked horrible and underslept. Good. she thought to herself. Her pleased reaction only told her that she was already moving along from him. Though a small part of her wondered why he looked that pooly.

"My shoes" she stuck out her hands indifferent to him. She would not show him any emotion in either direction. For it was this unphased Belinda that he had met just the month before.

"Belinda I..."

"My shoes?" she repeated. She could not look him in the eyes. She thought that if she did, she would let on to some buried feeling she had for him.

"I gave them to the young man who brought me here." He answered, She noticed how strained his words sounded.

"Then you may go. I shouldn't be unchaperoned with a man like yourself anyway." Her words felt almost as snarky as they did so many nights before, but there was a pretense of falsehood to them.

"Look at me in the eyes. I would like to apologize" Kellan shot back.

"For keeping my shoes?" Belinda played dumb, "They aren't even mine. I told you that, or maybe you didn't hear me as you were too preoccupied with your gentlemanly bet."

"You never said they weren't yours. And... ack besides that." Kellan was growing all the more frustrated, but she would not dare to look in his eye. "My God woman, do you have to be so stubborn when someone is apologizing?"

"I do not owe you anything." she answered. If he could only just leave. It was getting harder and harder for her to have him here.

"I will apologize for not telling you about the bet I had made with Lord Fairfield. I was beyond intoxicated, which may not be a valid excuse, but what I will not apologize for is spending any time with you."

"What?" she relented, looking at him in the eyes. She saw some sort of hurt that she was feeling herself.

"Yes. This was a bet, and it was ungentlemanly to do such a thing to a woman of such esteem, but everything I said to you. All those letters and notes, they were real Belinda. I really did, hell I really do still love you."

She felt her face grow hot with rage. This was not the answer she wanted from him. No. He could just continually be lying.

"You are brutally honest, stubborn, and mischievous. Three of the worst characteristics a woman could ever have, but I want you still. But I understand if you do not want to ever see me again. But I return these shoes with an apology for mistreating you. But I will not apologize for loving you."

She didn't- no she couldn't answer him.

"And if our night only a few days ago has led to some, unexpected circumstances, then I want you to know that I am fully willing to support you."

"I'm not carrying your bastard," she finally replied.

"Oh." he answered, his voice dropping deathly quiet, "I was almost hoping you wouldn't say that."

"You wished for me to conceive out of wedlock?" she asked him.

"If it meant that I got to see you again, then yes I did." Kellan answered confidently yet still quiet.

Belinda took a deep breath and finally sat down. "What you did was awful. I am not some boxing match, you had no right to bet on my account." her words were sharp and accusatory, "but I would be a liar if I did not say that finding out that I was not carrying your bastard hurt almost as much as finding out that you had involuntarily brought me into this mess." Belinda felt tears running down her cheeks.

'Now I am trying to pull myself together, and it does not help that you have come here telling me that you really do care about me."

"And that is why I intend to leave you alone after this point, no matter how much it may pain me." he answered

"You really do care for me?" Belinda asked with the slightest amount of doubt, "This is not some dark horse bet."

"Belinda, not that it matters, but it has now been twenty nine days since I started my bet with Lord Fairfield. It is essentially over. I have lost the bet... And regretfully so, I have lost you." Looking deeply into his eyes, she could feel that he meant everything he was saying. She should have been satisfied with hearing he had lost his bet, but his last remark tugged at her heart.

"Then I suppose there is only one more thing to do." Belinda said, wiping a tear from her face, "But it will involve yet another wager."