New Year's Day: Hurrah!! Another year of hell!! *blows NYD whistle* I CAN'T WAIT TO GO INTO DEBT OR LOSE MY JOB!! *puts hands up into air* BETTER YET, BOTH AT THE SAME TIME!! *dances like a maniac* *intensely hums 'shake it off'*
Groundhog Day: A holiday to celebrate a lazy- but adorable groundhog wake up from the dead. *snaps picture* Omg, so so adorable. Ooh! Should I take a selfie? Totally!! *tries taking selfie with tempered groundhog* *gets face ripped off*
NOT MY GORGEOUS FACE, ANYTHING BUT MY GORGEOUS FACE!! YOU STUPID GROUNDHOG!! I'M SUING YOU FOR THIS!!
*calls Sasha* um *clears throat* Hi Sasha, I know that I promised to never call again after last time but you won't believe what just happened! A groundhog just decided to rip my face off for no apparent reason. I mean, who'd want to do that? Only an evil groundhog. Am I right or am I r- *Sasha hangs up*
Valentine's Day: *reclines against sofa, happily munching on a bagel and drinking bleach* *turns on tv*
The movie be like:
Human #1: i LiKe LoVe yOu sO mUcH
Human #2: i LoVe yOu mOrE
Human #1: uM, nO. i dO
Human #2: nO hOnEy, i dO
Me: *spits out bleach in disgust* DAMMIT ALREADY! WE GET IT ALREADY! YOU BOTH l-love EACHOTHER AND THAT'S THAT *throws hands up into air and trips over*
*changes channel while halfway dead* Ah, a peaceful death is better than a sappy one.
*realizes I'm not dead and only injured my arm* um... ok? *gets back up again and continues watching the television*
*tv show gets I interrupted with romance movie* YOU'RE KIDDING ME, RIGHT? *screams at sky* WHYYYYY????
( What? Sometimes those movies can be pure cringe. Not all, but some. Sue me )
Saint Patrick's Day: Despite their claim to give you gold if you are to steal them, no matter what they offer, DON'T BELIEVE THEM!! IT'S A TRAP! As a matter a fact don't even look at them straight in the eye, or else you're forever hypnotized and converted into a midget yourself.
I'm talking about leprechauns. The one's with green hats and four leave clovers. They're evil. Pure evil.
How evil? As evil as dolphins! ( now everyone gasp please )
Yes, you heard me right! Leprechauns and dolphins.... *tremble* they work together, always have. Their goal is to poison every human on the earth's surface by this year.
How to avoid leprechauns and their manipulative behavior? Easy. Just carry around caffeinated coffee and if one is to ever to get close simply sprinkle drops of the coffee as if it was pepper spray. Leprechauns can't stand coffee, especially caffeinated. Why? It'll only diminish their size into a shorter length. Don't ask me why caffeinated coffee affects leprechauns like that. Just be grateful there's a strategy to outsmart them.
March 22: Audrey Audrey Audrey Audrey Audrey Audrey Audrey Audrey Audrey Audrey Audrey Audrey Audrey Audrey Audrey Audrey Audrey Audrey Audrey Audrey Audrey Audrey Audrey. Audrey Audrey Audrey Audrey Audrey Audrey Audrey
April Fool's Day: Well, what can I say? It's the best holiday to ever exist besides Christmas! Pranking your friends who don't trust you in the first place in fUN indeed!!
April's Fool Don't get this mixed up with 'April Fool' because despite the similar name, they're not connected whatsoever.
Unlike April Fool's, April's Fool is a day when a young fearless bear tamer by the name of April/ Not April is tasked with choosing a 'fool' to be her servant until the next April's Fool. Then she must choose a different 'fool' next year. The holiday annually takes place April 12.
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𝚑𝚞𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚜 𝚗𝚘𝚗𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚜𝚎 𝚟𝚒𝚒𝚒
HumorDespite what the title miserably fails to persuade you, I can assure you this is not humorous. Just nonsense. However, I'm not one to judge *glare* oh wait- I'm writing this book so I c a n Enjoy reading this garbage!! Don't forget to read Volu...
