❝Being alone is easy, it's the loneliness that'll kill you.❞
❝I can deal with the noise. I don't mind the noise. The quiet is a different story.❞
In which both Mara Reyes and Steve Rogers have no fucking idea what they're doing with t...
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CHAPTER FOURTEEN Chaos
STEVE LOOKED AT the black and white photos sat on the nightstand. He had seen them many times before but every time he visited, he couldn't help but stare at them.
"What's on your mind?"
The man turned his gaze back to Peggy Carter who was smiling at him from her bed. He easily returned it as he sat up straight. "I'm just thinking. How has your week been?"
"Same old." Peggy shrugged. "I've been here as far as I can remember. It's your life I'm more interested in."
Without thinking Steve took out a small object from his pocket, turning it over in his fingers. It was the ping pong ball Mara had thrown a knife into. He had carried it around with him since that day. He didn't know exactly why. But he found himself reaching for it whenever he was feeling... well the best way he could put it was: out of place. So he reached out for it often.
"There's not much to say." He admitted with an airy laugh. "I don't do much other than work."
"Maybe you should make time for other things. This isn't the forties anymore. The world isn't going to implode if you have one day off, Steve."
"I have days off. I just don't do a lot in them. Its quiet most of the time."
"You don't like the quiet." Peggy put together. "Thats common in soliders. After the war, when life started to go back to normal – peace and quiet, survivor's guilt was all most felt."
"Does it ever go away?" Steve questioned as he thought about the people he had seen die. Bucky included. That was the one that haunted him the most. When he looked at an orange or a car or even a key.
"It depends on the person."
"So... no."
Peggy laughed. "It takes time, Steve. The things that matter always do. And what is it you're fidgeting with?"
Steve looked down at ball and cracked a smile. "It's, uh, just a crushed ping pong ball."
"Why do you have it?" Peggy asked.
"It's not something I can throw away."
"Why not?"
"It's hard to explain." Steve said gently as he thought about Mara. "But it's important."
"I see." Peggy nodded.
They fell in comfortable silence for a while as Steve fiddled with the ping pong ball.
"Steve," Peggy said gently, breaking the silence. "I know this isn't the life you imagined let alone the one you wanted, but you can't change what happened. I don't want to see you waste your time. You have to move on. You have to start living your life. No one is gonna do it for you. Go out. Meet new people and enjoy–"
