Can I Unveil What's Hidden?

Room 42

where do i start?
you think i'm one way but i am another
you think i live in a world of color
but in fact i don't
you think i'm happy, and i am
but not in the way you think
i am happy when i am comfortable
not when i'm death gripping the edge of the sink
until my knuckles turn white and
the water spills over
when my guts are being pulled out beneath me
and my feet are nailed to the tile floor
because the real world we live in
is holding a mirror to my face right now
confess, it tells me
and i am
i want some absolution
but there's still mud in my eyes
remember that i'm only me
and i cannot try
with my hands on my thighs
explain to you the consequences of my lies
that gave life to the cries of the people who
were touched by my wicked spies
and these spies, or so they are called
were my own thoughts that came from
my own mouth and were formed by my own tongue
these thoughts that were meant to uplift
eventually they cut deep and brought
everyone down, down to the ground
lower than you can imagine
but not lower than how you see me
a reputation? what is that?
i've never had one so i don't understand
the concept of having a head start
i started off sitting on the bleachers
with a broken heart
and i'm not asking you to sympathize
only realize that it's not fair
to see others from your distorted
point of view
just know that i view everything
from above, like a planetary watchtower
but only when i'm laying on these
sun-stained cream colored sheets
that smells like the shampoo of the
people who laid here before me
in the faux embrace of a dimly lit space
with the furniture always in the exact same place
i don't pay too much for the night
and it isn't far from my favorite place to eat
its the only place where i can sleep
without feeling everyones eyes on me
maybe you could come here too
and you'll see this madness
from my point of view