Cheers to Self Love ✓

29 | relapse

tw: themes of self harm | read ahead with caution

it had been quite the few days since i received your letter or a call from you, i wonder how you're truly doing.

i decide to get up from my desk and write you a letter when i get a call. excitedly, i reach for the telephone when i hear your trembling voice and it sends a shiver down my spine.

"w..what happened..?" i stutter, fear reeling through my mind, clogging all my confidence.
"can you just stay.." your voice was growing thinner by the minute, suggesting something was really troublesome.

my breath is hitched in my throat as i nod but internally face palm myself, realising that you aren't seeing me now and choke out a yes, despite the coldness hugging me.

it takes a while and i wonder what was happening, i thought you fell asleep, but that didn't seem to be the case, as the tension in the air just seemed to get thicker and i'd have loved to cut it with a knife if only my thoughts complied with my actions.

"you sure you won't be mad at me, right?" your voice pulls me out of the trance.
"no, i wouldn't," i breathed.
"well.. i hurt myself" you said and i could imagine you scratching the back of your head while saying this.
"uhm.. did you fall somewhere or accidentally hit something..?" i questioned, feeling queasy.
"no.. not like that," you paused and i wanted to question, but i waited for you to open up.

"there's a blade in my hand right now, and i.." i didn't hear the next few words cause my ears started ringing loudly to the point, i struggled to keep my balance while standing so, i took a seat.

"uhm.. sorry, i guess. i know i had promised you that i wouldn't, but i couldn't help it, there's been a lot going down.." you sighed heavily and muttered a few words. i could feel that you were drowning in guilt. relapse could make it even worse.

"hey hey.. its alright, you know. its okay to be selfish about yourself. you were.. uhm, overwhelmed by things going down, and had no idea of how to deal with it. but, at least i am here now. its.. okay.." i paused, shuffling my feet when i thought about what had happened and what way i could help, "but, i just need to know if you're safe now, are you?"

i heard clicking sounds in the background, perhaps you were working on something. i let out a soft sigh, when you replied with a yes.

"please take your time to heal, love. i don't know what you're going through, but it'll be alright. i promise. i am sorry for not having kept contact with you as well. i.. i.. well, some of my close friends passed away.. due to.. covid..." i said before breaking down completely.

you stayed with me through the call and consoled me. i wish i could meet you and hug you, probably i shouldn't have said about it, when you were in a more grave situation than me. but you hushed me and said, its alright, we got each other's back, and we'd get through this.

~ stranger

so, this is based on an actual story, and well, yeah, it hurts.. but, i think if there's one take away from this is the way to console someone, who is going through a rather ugly time.