Doggin Around

Someone else?

As the pair left the park, Mr. Peanut Butter turned to Bojack.

"Bojack," Mr. Peanut Butter said, looking down.

"Yes?" Bojack replied. 

" I've been thinking lately-

"never a good sign-"

-Um...You know I've had three wives."

"Yes?"

"And I've always liked women, I'm a totally straight guy!"

"The way you felt the need to clarify makes me feel like you're kinda not straight, but okay"

"However, there's this one guy, whenever I'm around him I kind of feel like..."

"turned on?"

Mr. Peanut Butter looked up with a guilty expression. "....No?"

Bojack chuckled softly but awkwardly looked down as he felt a hot blush spread across his face. 

"Bojack, what do I do?" Mr. Peanut Butter asked sadly.

Why was he asking Bojack? Mr. Peanut Butter had always been hotter, smarter, funnier, and better at just about anything. If only Mr. Peanut Butter knew Bojack was facing a very similar question.

"Who is this...mystery guy anyway?" Bojack laughed, trying to hide the eagerness in his voice. 

"Well...he's charming in the weirdest way imaginable, he's cute AND hot which- who even knew that was possible? He always acts tough...but once I got to know him, I realized he has a soft side-" Mr. Peanut Butter kept mumbling about this man, but Bojack wasn't listening.

How could he have thought Mr. Peanut Butter and him could ever have worked out!? Bojack was delusional. Mr. Peanut Butter had found a better man, a man he definitely deserved. But still... Bojack felt his heart ache as Mr. Peanut Butter went on and on about this perfect guy. 

"Bojack-" Mr. Peanut Butter began to say.

"I-I gotta go..." Bojack rushed to his car and drove off. 

Through his review mirror, he saw Mr. Peanut Butter standing in the parking lot, looking rather confused. 

...

 Why had Bojack left him standing alone? Mr. Peanut Butter wondered. He must have figured out that the man Mr. Peanut Butter was talking about was him... maybe he didn't feel the same way? Or possibly, Bojack was mad at Mr. Peanut Butter for feeling this way towards a man at all. Regardless, it didn't look good. 

Mr. Peanut Butter pulled out his phone to text Bojack, hoping his crush would reply. 

< Hey. 

<Sorry if I made things awkward back there, you can just forget that ever happened

<I can't change my feelings, but I don't want them to ruin our friendship either.  

<Bojack

<Buddy?

<please respond

Mr. Peanut Butter drove home in depressed silence. Bojack's lack of response erased almost all doubt-he was angry at Mr. Peanut Butter, for some reason. 

Mr. Peanut Butter pulled into his driveway, still moping. What was he going to do? He entered his empty house while checking his phone intermittently. Still no messages. Mr. Peanut Butter walked to the fridge and peeked to see what was inside. He hadn't been shopping in quite a while, but there was a bag of bagels and a few slices of cheese to be found. He made a snack and took it to the couch to eat. 

Hours passed. Still no messages from Bojack. When he was unreachable this long, Mr. Peanut Butter usually assumed he was at the bar, getting drunk, getting laid, or some combination of the above. Usually that. 

Just as Mr, Peanut Butter was beginning to give up hope, he heard a ping from his phone. Could it be...Bojack?

He opened the text app, overjoyed to see that the text was from his friend, but was immediately shocked by the contents of the message.

<Hey babe

<wanna fuck?