Doggin Around

I Need Help

*hours earlier*

As Bojack drove further and further away from Mr. Peanut Butter, he felt true guilt begin to eat away at him. Mr. Peanut Butter didn't deserve this, he must be so confused. But the pain Bojack felt listening to Mr. Peanut Butter talk about someone else was so great that if he'd stayed a minute longer....he could have teared up, and how could he explain that. Damn, this was pathetic. Go home. Get drunk. Call him. Run away. Do something, Bojack.

As he drove along, he saw his favorite bar appear. 

ONE drink.

...

He didn't have one drink. 

Bojack was slouched over the bar at Bellicans, completely wasted. At some point, he'd begun talking to the man next to him, and then that turned into the entire bar.

 "And that's why I can't tell him I love him," he slurred.

Applause erupted from the bar as he finished his story. He noticed a few people with tears in their eyes.

"Another one!" Bojack yelled at the bartender, after chugging another glass of whisky. 

The sheep sitting next to him turned around.

"I overheard your...story and... you should tell him!" He suggested.

Bojack gave a lop-sided grin and took out his phone in response. He cracked a smile as he saw Mr. Peanut Butter's face come up in his contacts. Mr. Peanut Butter had always been a friend, nothing more, sometimes less. But now... things were different.   

Mr. Peanut Butter made Bojack smile, feel good about himself. The little moments they shared brightened his day, but Bojack longed for more than that. When he slept at night, he often found his dreams wandering to Mr. Peanut Butter's beautiful face, his smooth, muscular chest, broad shoulders, and certain...other parts of him, equally enticing, but very obviously not something Bojack should be thinking about. Bojack wanted Mr. Peanut Butter in a way that was definitely not friendly, and definitely not straight. 

"Here's your whisky sir," The bartender said, startling him from his thoughts.

"Thanks." 

Bojack looked down at his phone and noticed he had 5 missed calls from Mr. Peanut Butter. He must have been hurt by Bojack ditching him earlier. What a jackass move. But how could he explain?

He chugged his whisky in one go. 

Let's call Todd, his drunken mind decided. He pressed call and hoped for an answer.

"Heyyy Bojack!" Todd said excitedly.

"Hey, Todd. I need some...help." Bojack said the last word more quietly.

"Of course man! What do you need?"

"So...Um...there's this guy, and I think I...like him?" Bojack said. It was almost a question.

"Yeah um, I like you too Bojack! We are great friends!" 

Gosh, he was so innocent.

"N-No I mean I think I like him... sexually. How do you know when you're gay Todd?"

"Umm, I don't know Bojack, I've never been gay."

There was a short but awkward silence.

 "Who is he? The guy, I mean?" 

Fuck. Abort. 

"Ah... no one you know. He's a golden lab, and he's also reaaally hot, but you do not know who he is, no."

"Are you talking about Mr. Peanut Butter? Because I do, in fact, know him."

"WOW TODD. You know what? That is SO racist! All I said was that he was a golden lab, and now you're assuming he's the one that you know, why?-Cause they're ALL the SAME? How about you lose that PREJUDICE and come back to me when you're not a presumptuous PIECE of SHIT." 

"...Bojack, are you drunk right now?"

"What? No-" Bojack hung up abruptly. 

That was no good. Bojack didn't want to be attacked about his coping methods right now. Todd didn't even give him any good advice. Oh well. On to the next contact-who was that anyway?

Bojack left Todd's profile and noticed that technically, next on the list was Mr. Peanut Butter. He ignored it and moved down to Princess Caroline. That was a good choice, she always knew what to do. He hit call.

"Hi Bojack, why are you calling me this late? Usually, you're unreachable at this hour."

"I...need help."

"Oh no. What is it this time? Did you kill someone?" He could hear her sigh on the other end.

"I think I'm in love with a man."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Well, that's alright I-what is it that you need my help with? 

"I need you to tell me if I really love him. Or if I'm lying to myself. Like with Diane. Like with...you. I need to know if this another stupid Bojack thing, where I make up something that's not real, just to distract me from my shitty life. Or if it's really-I'm really-"

"I don't know Bojack. I don't know how you feel about him, I don't even know who it is you think you're in love with. If you feel like you want to start a relationship with a guy, you don't need my permission. Just tell him how you feel."

"So...you're not mad at all? You don't think I'm just, being an idiot?"

"Oh, I definitely think you're being an idiot. But I'm also done letting myself be hurt by who you choose to love. Maybe trying something different could be good for you."

"Woah. Thanks, Princess Caroline."

"But Boja-" 

He hung up. No more conversation. Time to act.

Bojack opened his last text conversation with Mr. Peanut Butter. He missed a lot of messages. 

<Sorry if I made things awkward back there, you can just forget that ever happened

<I can't change my feelings, but I don't want them to ruin our friendship either.

<Bojack

<Buddy?

<please respond

What an ass. Ditching a guy and then letting him worry like this? Part of Bojack felt immensely guilty. Another part felt flattered that Mr. Peanut Butter cared so much.

No more dodging around the truth. Bojack really liked this guy, loved him maybe, in a way that wasn't platonic at all. He didn't know if that made him gay, or bisexual, or something else, but he couldn't deny anymore that he did like men. He'd thought about it before, but never like this, never with such urgency. Mr. Peanut Butter was the first real, romantic crush he'd had in a long time. Bojack wasn't going to let this opportunity, this chance at happiness, pass him by. No fuckin' way. 

And, of course, the best way to make this relationship FINALLY happen was obviously...

Bojack began to type.