47. I just wanna taste it

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Harry

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Harry

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Breathe me in, breathe me out

I don't know if I could ever go without

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Yesterday I didn't feel like myself and I still don't, we got to our hotel and we all got our own rooms, except for esme and Patrick which for sure has something to do with Patrick, Esme tried and refused to stay in the same room with him but she ended up just staying with him after Matthew had a talk with her 

we left the hotel around 5:30, we did sound check and I got dressed I was still very sluggish and I knew everyone could tell, I didn't want to be there and I still don't, right now I just wanna go back to before tour and how things were with esme, when we were together and not separated 

when I got on stage I instantly wanted to get off of it, if I wasn't feeling like myself then the crowd would notice and I wouldn't give them all I could it made me feel terrible and I tried to put a smile on my face and dance around like a maniac like usual but my body didn't have it in me 

I was drained 

when I woke up I felt the cold and empty side of the bed where esme should be, I didn't want to get out of bed, I'm miserable I didn't know how much she affected me till now 

I stayed in bed for a good hour and a half until I heard someone knock on my door and I bolted to it, maybe it was esme 

when I open the door I see Nialls face and I feel a wave of sadness hit me, "what's got you all pouty thought you'd be happy to see me" he looks at me with a serious expression and I turn to walk back into my room, I hear the door shut and I see niall walk in behind me 

I sit on the edge of the bed and he leans against the door, "pass me my whiskey in my bag" I point to it with my hand and he tilts his head, "it's 10 in the morning?" he says concerned and I scoff, "not like its stopped us before" I shake my head and I motion to my bag 

"what's on your mind?" he says ignoring my request and he sits next to me, "nothing" I lie and I stare off into space looking at the beige wall in front of me 

"so this state your in has nothing to do with why esme was all cuddly to Patrick, and why they now have a room together?" he says and I don't say anything, 

"mate what the hell is going on" I hear Niall speak a few minutes later and I stand up as I pace the room, "Matthew caught us and now he's punishing the both of us" I say vaguely and he looks confused 

"Matthew found out about esme and I, so he's making esme and Patrick be together in public but Patrick doesn't just want to be with her in public he's making it his mission to try and get her back" I say as my tone gets more and more angry 

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