SUGAR CONTENT; gintama oneshots

fighting ghost - toshiro hijikata

perhaps the title is a play on the JOJO opening, Fighting Gold

also, hijikata x criminal! reader

When (Y/N) realized her apartment was haunted by a pesky ghost, the first thing she did was go to Odd Jobs to see if they had any remedies for getting rid of the paranormal. She wasn't afraid of ghosts or any supernatural beings in any way, she just didn't know what methods to use to make them go away. Since Odd Jobs boasted about being able to do any jobs, she figured they could give her advice. 

"Do we need to hide you from the police again?" Gintoki asked the moment she walked in. He was lounging on one of the couches, drinking strawberry milk directly out of the carton, having known (Y/N) for quite some time. Kagura was sitting beside him, eating pickled seaweed.

With a sheepish grin, (Y/N) rubbed the back of her head and said, "Not this time. I have a ghost problem and need advice on how to get rid of it."

The moment the word 'ghost' left (Y/N)'s lips, Gintoki dived behind the couch, spilling his strawberry milk. As Sadaharu began to lick up the milk spilled all over the floor, Gintoki peeked from behind the couch, shaking. "G-g-ghost? We don't deal with ghosts here."

Shinpachi came from the direction of the kitchen, carrying a tray with a cup of tea on it for (Y/N). He set it in front of her and she thanked him. Turning back to his boss, Shinpachi said, "(Y/N)-san said she needed advice, not an exterminator."

"That's right!" (Y/N) agreed, "I thought you guys would know what to do. I'll be getting rid of it on my own."

"You should throw salt at it, uh-huh!" Kagura suggested, reaching across the table and drinking from (Y/N)'s tea. "Or bully it into leaving!"

Reluctantly, Gintoki climbed back over the couch, returning to sitting normally even though he was still shivering slightly. "We'll do the research for you, but we will not go within fifty feet of your apartment."

(Y/N) was set to accept his proposition, but a knock came to the Odd Job's front door before she could say anything. As the only member of the group that played the role of a host, Shinpachi got up to answer it. There was a brief conversation, then an invitation for the guest to come inside.

"It's Hijikata-san, he said he's looking for something," Shinpachi said as he returned, bringing the Vice Chief with him.

Gintoki pointed an accusing finger at (Y/N), "You told me the police weren't looking for you!"

"They aren't!" (Y/N) insisted, "I haven't done anything in, like, a week!"

Sighing, Hijikata said, "She's right. I misplaced my lighter and thought I might have left it here."

At that, Kagura and Sadaharu began digging through the couches to find the missing mayonnaise shaped lighter, while Gintoki seemed to think of something truly evil. Gintoki's lips curled into a terrifying smile as he looked back and forth between the oblivious Hijikata and the patiently waiting (Y/N).

"Hey, Hijikata, as a police officer, it's your job to get rid of pests, right? Criminals, terrorists, all that." Gintoki brought up.

Raising an eyebrow right into his fluffy bangs, Hijikata said, "Yeah. Why do you ask?"

"Well, (Y/N) here has a pest problem, and since you would be more suited to the job, I thought we could turn it over to you."

It was no secret that (Y/N) admired Hijikata even though he had arrested her dozens upon dozens of times. Her whole face lit up as she obviously agreed with Gintoki's idea. She, however, had no idea that Hijikata was just as afraid of ghosts as the Odd Jobs boss. That being the only reason Gintoki had even suggested it in the first place.

"What kind of pest?" Hijikata felt obligated to ask after taking one look at the malicious expression on Gintoki's face.

Together, (Y/N) with enthusiasm and Gintoki with satisfaction said, "A ghost!"

"I found your lighter!" Kagura chirped happily, having missed the conversation. She handed it over to Hijikata, who had gone pale.

With shaking hands, Hijikata put an unlit cigarette in his mouth and tried over and over again to light it with his newfound lighter. Sparks would appear, but they wouldn't reach. He finally managed to light it, attempting to calm his nerves down.

Smirking at the Vice Chief's reaction, Gintoki turned to (Y/N) with a false apologetic tone, "I guess Hijikata's too scared to help you."

"It's alright, I'll be fine on my own," (Y/N) said, wanting to reassure Hijikata more than anybody else.

"No, I'll help you, (Y/N)," Hijikata spoke up, regaining his bearings. "It's my duty as the Vice Chief of the Shinsengumi to help citizen's in need."

At this, Kagura and Shinpachi began laughing, having seen how the Vice Chief reacted to ghosts before, even Gintoki, who was just as afraid, was chuckling into his sleeve. (Y/N) was too happy that Hijikata was going to be helping her in the first place to pay them any mind.

Since Odd Jobs had ended up helping her, although not in the way she originally intended, (Y/N) left a stack of yen on the table and joined Hijikata in standing near the doorway. She began to lightly push him towards the door, so he didn't notice the money she had left wasn't exactly acquired via legal means. Luckily, Hijikata was dumbfounded and didn't notice at all.

"Bye, Odd Jobs! Thank you for your help!" (Y/N) said as she left their home, dragging Hijikata by the arm.

"Good luck with your ghost problem," Gintoki called out by means of a farewell.

Halfway to (Y/N)'s apartment, Hijikata broke out of his nervous daze and pretended to check his phone for an important call. He coughed a couple times, telling her, "I forgot, I'm supposed to be investigating a bank robbery a couple streets over. I can't help you with your ghost problem today or any day."

Ignoring the way he faltered when he said ghost, (Y/N) patted his arm, "I was the one who robbed that bank. There, case solved. Come on."

"I have to arrest you and take you down to the station, then," Hijikata protested as she continued to pull on his arm, guiding him towards, what he would call, his doom. He didn't try and take his arm away from her, as he didn't want to be flipped onto the ground like he had seen her do to Sogo and Kondo many times before. Somehow, he still hadn't realized she would never do that to him.

"After we get rid of the ghost,"(Y/N) insisted, "What if it invites it's friends over while I'm gone and then I have a ghost party at my place? I'd have to call the entire Shinsengumi to get rid of them!"

One ghost over multiple ghosts was more appealing to Hijikata, so he stopped using the threat to take her into police custody. He finished smoking his first cigarette by the time they reached her apartment, which thankfully, didn't look like it was haunted. In fact, it appeared as completely normal as usual.

(Y/N) brought out her keys and opened the front door, entering her apartment with Hijikata following more hesitantly after her. She threw her keys onto a hook meant for coats, then went into the kitchen.

"Do you know anything about – " (Y/N) cut of her statement abruptly.

Both worried something had happened to her and scared the ghost had eaten her, Hijikata reluctantly called out her name. When she didn't answer, he shuffled into the kitchen, only to find (Y/N) standing there reading letters written on her wall in blood.

"Apparently the ghost doesn't want to live here anymore." (Y/N) said after she finished reading. She sent Hijikata a victorious grin.

Hijikata sighed in relief that he wouldn't be facing any ghosts today.

"(Y/N), next time, don't hire a cop as a ghost hunter. You'll just end up stressing them out."

...

thank you for reading! have a great week :)