SUGAR CONTENT; gintama oneshots

liar, liar - kawakami bansai

On account of loitering, (Y/N) was sent to the Shinsengumi station, which surprised her considering she was apart of the terrorist group, the Kiheitai. Although the public didn't know her face yet, the thought that she was being arrested for rebellious affiliations still flashed through her mind when the officer walked over to her. Not wanting to cause a scene, she had gone willingly, leading to her current situation, making it through the weapon checkpoint without raising suspicion. 

The officer who had brought her in, an average looking man by the name of Yamazaki instructed her to take out all potential weapons and place them in a bin. He promised her belongings would be returned to her once she was let out.

"I don't have any," (Y/N) lied, shrugging.

Yamazaki gestured to her left arm, pointing out the elephant in the room. "You have a knife strapped to your arm."

He didn't ask why she had a knife on her, raising (Y/N)'s concerns for the lives of the Edo citizens the Shinsengumi was supposed to be protecting, after all there was no reason for an ordinary citizen to be carrying around a harmful weapon if not to commit horrible atrocities. In compliance, (Y/N) sighed at the stupidity of the officer and took off her first knife, setting it in the box, as instructed.

"Do you have any more?" Yamazaki asked, still unconcerned.

"A few." (Y/N) answered honestly, wanting to see how much she could get away with at this point.

Since swinging a sword was not her strong suit, (Y/N) carried around a variety of knifes - twenty to be exact. The knives ranged from small to large, located in various hiding spots across her body and through her clothes. She carried seven on her torso alone, three on each leg, two on each arm, one in the fold of her jacket, one in her right shoe, and the final one was hidden within her hair (she kept that one instead of giving it up, ensuring she had a last resort if she couldn't convince anyone to bail her out).

As much as she enjoyed her knives, she enjoyed the look on Yamazaki's face as she kept bringing out more and more knives, a mixture between concern and fascination. 

Finally, when (Y/N) acted as though she had dropped her last knife in the bin, Yamazaki said, "I didn't know chefs needed this many knives."

...Chefs? 

He thought she was a chef? 

(Y/N) blanched, unable to believe the level of stupidity displayed before her now. This was the Shinsengumi the terrorists were always running away from? For star's sake, she wasn't even wearing white, let alone a toque blanche (the fancy way of saying a chef's hat). What kind of criminals were these guys pursuing if this officer thought someone with a lot of knives was in the cooking business?

Shaking off her shock, (Y/N) requested her one phone call once she was in her cell. Yamazaki happily passed her the phone and she was tempted to order food instead of calling the one person she figured could bail her out. Instead, she picked the logical route and rang her superior in the Kiheitai, one of the few people whose identities hadn't been made public yet.

"Hello?" The voice of Kawakami Bansai echoed throughout the phone, bringing a mischievous smile onto (Y/N)'s face. There was no way she wasn't going to have fun with this, especially with all the entertainment she had been privy to so far.

"Wah! Kawa-kun, I'm in a terrible predicament!" (Y/N) exclaimed, purposefully making her voice higher than usual. "I was doing a delivery and accidently got arrested for loitering!" 

A long, suffering sigh came through, making (Y/N)'s cat-like smirk grow wider. She loved teasing her superior more than anything. 

"I see. Where are you now?"

Leaning against the bars, (Y/N) twisted the phone cord around her finger as she talked. "I'm at the Shinsengumi headquarters. The bail's a million yen."

The phone was hung up abruptly causing (Y/N) to cackle quietly. She handed back the phone to Yamazaki, who set it back to it's resting place, before returning to the outside of her cell and asking, "Who's coming to pick you up?"

"Just my boyfriend," (Y/N) answered casually, her cat-like smirk returning with pride, "You might know him, he's the producer for O-tsu-chan's music! I'm so lucky to have him!"

"You're acting like a completely different person from earlier," Yamazaki noticed, resting a hand on his chin, thinking heavily, before snapping his fingers together, "Does your boyfriend mean that much to you?"

Man, (Y/N) was certain she had a future in acting. She raised her hands to her cheeks, feigning embarrassment. "Ah, is it really that obvious? Kawa-kun means so much to me! I think he might propose to me soon."

"Really, that's great!" Yamazaki said, buying every lie that slipped from her mouth.

"I know, right!" (Y/N) let out a dreamy sigh externally, but internally she was laughing evilly. 

Before she could go on and ruin Bansai's name any further, another Shinsengumi officer came in and informed Yamazaki that a 'Kawa-kun' was there to pick up (Y/N). Just the mental image of Bansai having to introduce himself by such a name made (Y/N)'s entire week. Yamazaki went on to let her out of her cell, return her knives, and escort her out to the front of the Shinsengumi Headquarters where a familiar face was waiting.

Like usual, Bansai was wearing a pair of sunglasses and had his headphones on, and shamisen was hung across his back. She imagined he was glaring at her behind his shades, but that didn't stop her from skipping on over to him and grabbing onto his arm while he apologized to the police for troubling them.

To further her act, and because she wanted to see how he would react in person, (Y/N) said with a smile that barely masked her evil smirk, "Thanks for picking me up, Kawa-kun!"

He stared at her for a brief moment, as if trying to compute her actions, before saying, "It was no bother. And, thank you for taking care of her."

"It was no worry!" Yamazaki said, sending Bansai a thumbs up, "It's always nice to meet a chef and her kind boyfriend." And then, as though she could no longer see him, the officer sent the blue haired man a wink, adding, "Good luck!"

(Y/N) had to bite her lip to keep from bursting out laughing at the utterly confused expression she received from Bansai. Laughter that escaped her once they were far enough away and didn't stop the whole walk home. 

It was safe to say she earned herself a ban from going into the city for the next week.