Jaspar One Shots [abandoned] boyxboy

I Am So In Love

-Joe POV-

As we walk to my locker, I notice something odd. There's a little note sticking out.

As we come nearer, I see it has a heart on it. A love letter? I look at my friends quickly. No one seems to notice.

Except for Caspar. His eyes are locked on it and he looks uneasy. But he doesn't say anything. He doesn't mock me, or even point it out. How odd.

I dismiss the guys quickly. They complain at first, but oblige.

"Come ooonn." Marcus whines.

"Really, guys. Leave. Your presence is no longer needed."

Alfie and Jim chuckle, and Caspar just looks annoyed. But with a mix of something else. I don't know. It's impossible to read him.

I shoo them away with my hand, and turn back to my locker. Intent on reading that note.

As soon as they see I'm really not interested, they head off to their next class.

I carefully pull out the piece of folded, wrinkly paper and open it up. It reads

Dear Joe,

Hi. You probably have no idea who I am. Well, actually, you do know. Very well. But you know me as a friend. I notice you in a more... particular way. I'm just going to say it. I am in love with you. I love your goofy personality. I love how amazing your hair is every day. I love how you don't cringe at my awful jokes. You are so nice to me, even when I may seem sometimes like a major nuisance to you. But I just don't know how to act. I don't know what to do. What the hell are you SUPPOSED to do when you're in love with your best friend? How are you supposed to act? There's no manual. Nothing. I obviously feel awkward around you, because, after all, you're my crush. But you're not just a crush. I've loved you for so long. So long. But how would you ever love me? How could you love another man? Another anybody, really, because you have Simone. I'll never be as lucky as her. I'll never get to experience what it's like to be held in your arms. To get a good morning kiss every day. To cuddle with you. To be loved by you. I need you, Joe. I need you way more than you need me. I want you to be mine. I want to hold you an never let you go. I want to be with you forever. But I will never get this opportunity. I have to move on. But how? I read somewhere that if you have a crush on someone for more than 4 months, it could be true love. And Joe. I have loved you for 3 years, 5 months, 22 days, 16 hours, 45 minutes, and 31 seconds. Yes, I documented the exact date and time I fell in love with you. The moment I knew I needed you in my life. My life will never be complete without you. And I need you to know that. But you probably won't get this letter, as I'll probably never send it. I just needed to get my feelings down. I need someone to know how I feel, even if it is just a sheet of paper. You are the reason I'm still here, Joe. The reason I get up every morning. The hope of seeing your face. Talking to you. You are my motivation to live. The reason I haven't cut in the 4 years I've known you. You mean so much to me, Joe. More than you could ever possibly know. The thoughts I've shared here are only a small portion of what I'm feeling. You are my everything, yet I'm probably just a friend to you. In fact I AM just a friend to you. And I think that's what hurts the most. The fact that I would take a bullet for you without a moment's thought, yet you don't even know my middle name. I will never get you. I will never be with you. And I feel the pain of that every day. The pain of loving someone who will never love me back. The pain of loving a boy who has a girlfriend. Who is so in love with her, yet I am so in love with you. I am so in love with you, Joe. Yet you don't have a clue. You will never love me, I know. But I feel like you should know how I feel. Like you have a right to see inside my mind. Know my true feelings. I am so in love with you Joe, and it hurts that you'll never feel the same way.