Jaspar One Shots [abandoned] boyxboy

a letter

sorry for the lack of spacing, but that's the way i wrote it in my notes. this is an actual letter i wrote to an actual person, that im going to give to her soon. so here is something very personal, put into a jaspar oneshot, with a few alterations to fit joe an caspar:

dear joe,

hey. just as a preface, i'd appreciate it if you didnt spill the contents of this letter to anyone. if you must, just say the general idea of the second half and please please please don't tell anyone that i sent this. thank you.

anyway, so hey. it's caspar. i know, we don't really talk ever, apart from in social studies, but even that is very occasionally. i find that a bit sad because if you recall, we used to be inseparable. we were best friends at the after school program we went to called leap. since this letter is all about spilling the truth, i will admit that i was sad whenever you left. but i guess that's normal, considering we were best friends. what happened? i think it was that you decided to take french, and i stuck with spanish. i wish we had more classes together. i miss you. i miss the way things used to be. and again, this is all very personal so i'm going to ask you not to tell anyone anything from this paragraph. i guess i just wanted to say that its sad we're not friends anymore, i miss those times at leap. those were the good old days i guess. i have no clue of what you think of me as of now. you probably think i'm annoying. i'm sorry for any time i've embarrassed you, or made you feel bad in any other way. it was not intentional, and i wish to mend those mistakes if possible. i wonder if you remember how close we used to be? if you remember that i told you once that you were my bff and not my bffl because life is more temporary than forever? of course, my 8 year old self had worded it differently- more simply. when you asked if we were not only bffs, but bffls, and i said that bffl means best friends for life, and bff means best friends forever. i told you i'd still be your friend even when we're both dead and nobody remembers us anymore. i told you i'd be your friend throughout the afterlife. do you remember painting the sundial together? playing with the pine needles under the tree next to the swings? playing in the sandbox together? arts and crafts? unvoluntary rec events, bitching about having to play capture the flag or whatever the game was? sitting together in the story room, waiting for our names to be called? when i went to your house and we played just dance? you, me, and oli hanging together in mrs. pierson's room, talking about the future? do you remember adventure camp together? shit- summer camp in general! joe and caspar. those words bring an image of us sitting on the bench at leap sharing secrets to mind. do you remember the things that i do? do you even think about it? i don't know. i miss you. i miss being your friend. your best friend forever. what happened to forever, joe? i guess some people just grow apart...

and here is the part of the letter you can feel free to share the general subject of with whomever you please. just- say someone rather than giving away i'm a boy. you'll see why in a moment. so, joe. here's the thing. i am head over heels, hopelessly in love with you. i know. give it a second to sink in. if you were up for being friends before, my luck's gone. i probably just weirded you out, and you don't want to even look at me anymore. so a little backstory- i'm bisexual and came out to my parents and on instagram last weekend. this has made it significantly easier to fall deeper in love with you every day, but this crush has existed since some time in the middle last year. i suddenly realized in mrs. heffernan's class how beautiful you are. i wonder if you know how much i stare at you in social studies and math now? you're so beautiful. fuck, you're gorgeous. i love your cheekbones. i love your soft, pink cheeks. i love your sparkling eyes. i love your chin. i love your forehead. i love your cute little nose. i love your pretty pink lips. i love your neck. your body is so beautiful. i love your thighs. is that weird? probably. but they're so perfect. just like you. everything about you is perfect. your laugh, the way your eyes crinkle when you do so. your bubbly personality lifts me up on any bad day. i lose my breath a little whenever you talk to me or wave or something. god, this is so sappy and borderline creepy. i'm sorry. it's just you're probably straight (although that is hetero-normative.) and i know i have no chance with you. and i'm sorry for even writing this dumb letter. this ruins my chance of you ever talking to me again. so i wonder why i'm sending it. i guess i just have some blind hope that you'd actually want to date me. but that's unrealistic. oh well. i just wanted to let you know how i feel. maybe you can forget about this part and we can be friends? i don't know. i don't fucking know.

well, that's really it. again, if you do wish to share about the second part, please say that like "someone sent me a love letter" and pretend it doesn't have a name or something. if people knew it was a boy, all eyes would immediately go to me since i came out on instagram a little bit ago. if you want to respond, i don't think i could handle face to face. unless you're gonna give me good news. or kiss me. or even fucking hold my hand. i'm in so deep. fuck. but yeah, if you're gonna reject me, which you probably will, please do it on paper. my locker is #262 outside of mrs. skelton's room. if you cant slip a note through the cracks, my combination is 9-19-33. i love you and miss you, joseph grahm sugg.

yours truly,
caspar richard lee.