Don't Get Bit (BNHA x Reader Zombie Apocalypse AU)

Chapter 7: 10 Minutes

⚠WARNING⚠

This chapter deals with suicide as well as a lot of disturbing imagery. Reader discretion is advised.

This is also why it's a bit shorter as it is quite a lot to take in all at once.

Flashback to day 53:

You couldn't find Koda anywhere and were starting to become very worried. "Koda? Koda!" You called out, worry gnawing away inside your chest. Something wasn't right and everyone knew it. You'd already searched the main floors, and the group was now split up to cover more ground on the unoccupied areas of the building. Even though the entire building had been cleared of walkers, there was just too much space to be able to efficiently use. Koda had always been very anxious when it came to the areas outside the main setup, so it was extremely unsettling that he would be here. Your hands were clenched so tightly that your nails dug into your palms. They caught in the divot in the heel of your right palm where there was a deep scar. You ran your fingertip along it like you always did when you were nervous, tracing along it and trying to calm your breathing. 

Suddenly, you heard a shout from Shoji that made your stomach sink. "(Y/N)! GET OVER HERE! QUICK! IT'S KODA!!! I FOUND HIM!!" Everyone else who had been looking for the boy instantly rushed to towards Shoji's voice, confused when it lead them to a floor that was practically abandoned. The group found themselves standing in the doorway of an empty classroom, Shoji already there and vomiting in the back corner from the sight before him.

"Oh my god..." You whispered in shock.

It was Koda.

He hung limply from the ceiling, tears streaking his now pale face as his head drooped to the side. While everyone else was staring in horror, you were still in blatant denial of the sight before you. "CUT HIM DOWN, YOU IDIOTS!" "(Y/N)... he looks like he's been there for a whi-" "I don't care, Todoroki!!! Cut him the fuck down!!!" Unsheathing his sword, he sliced the rope, sending Koda's body to crumple to the ground with a heavy thud.

"Oh fuck- urp!!" Uraraka retched, falling to her knees and emptying what little food was in her stomach. You rushed over to the already cold body, turning him onto his back and beginning to perform chest compressions. "(Y/N) what are you doing? He's dead!" Bakugou shouted, trying to pull you back. "NO. His neck didn't break! If I can get him breathing again-" Tears streamed down your face as you continued pressing on the boy's chest harder and harder. "Stop! Please, stop! He's already gone!" Momo begged, but you just pushed her away.

"No. He. Isn't!!!" You could feel the cold of his skin through his shirt, but you still didn't stop. Your arms ached and your palms were sore, but you kept going. Hoping, praying, that somehow this could bring him back.

The brain can only survive for ten minutes without oxygen.

You had been doing this for twenty.

"We need to stop her..." Midoriya murmured to Bakugou.

"I know."

Todoroki and Bakugou walked up behind you, looping their arms under yours and pulling you away kicking and screaming. "NO!!! NO!!! LET ME GO! I CAN STILL SAVE HIM!!!" Shoji scooped up Koda's body in his arms. In death, he looked so small... so vulnerable.

"I CAN SAVE HIM! I KNOW I CAN!"

Bakugou grabbed you by the wrists and turned you to face him. "NO YOU CAN'T! You can't save everyone, you fucking dumbass! He's dead! He was dead before we even found him!" "I failed him! I fucking failed him!" "No you didn't! There was nothing you could do." "B-but..." You tried to speak, but your voice cracked and you buried your face in Bakugou's shirt. "I-I'm supposed to help people! It's the one thing I was good at! Now I'm a fucking failure!" He held you tight against his chest as you cried, words slurred by the tears dripping past your lips.

"Don't you dare say stupid shit like that. You've saved so many of us already, and I'll be damned if you say that you're a failure." "But... I couldn't save *him.*" He sighed, knowing that nothing he said could keep you from blaming yourself.

As you shuffled off to bed early, just wanting to pass out and wake up with this all being a dream, you saw something sticking out from underneath your pillow. It was a folded up piece of yellowed paper, presumably torn from one of the many notebooks that students had left behind at the start of the outbreak. With trembling hands, you carefully unfolded it. It was written in red pen, the writing neat and obviously not written with shaking hands. He had been completely calm. 

(Y/N),

I know you'll probably blame yourself. Please don't. I just want you to know that I'm grateful for you and everyone else, but it all just became too much. If you're looking for a reason, that's why. I wasn't built for this kind of world. All the death and pain was more than I could handle. I was just an extra mouth to feed, or at least that's how I felt. I couldn't let you all go on caring for me when I can't support you. It might be the coward's way out, but maybe I'm a coward. And I'm ok with that. I love all of you and I hope that you get through this. Your lives will go on without me and you'll become stronger than I ever could be. I'm ok with this. There's nothing you could have done. I made my decision a long time ago.

I love you all. Please don't forget me.

Koji Koda

The paper crinkled in your hands as you gripped it tightly on both sides. Tears welled up in your eyes and you bit your lip to try and hold back your anguished cries. The teardrops caught on your lashes, falling down to the page and warping the sheet. "N-no.... no no no..." You whispered, as if saying that it wasn't true would wake you up from this horrific nightmare. How could he have been so calm about this? Surely there was something you could have done. There had to have been. Your knees buckled beneath you and you fell back onto the bed, curling up into a ball clutching the note to your shaking chest. "K-Koda... I'm so so sorry..." 

"(Y/N)?" Midoriya's quiet voice reached you through your grief-stricken haze. His gentle hand rested on your shoulder and you looked up from where your chin was tucked to your chest. "I failed him..." You whispered, your eyes rimmed in red from crying. Your absolutely distraught expression made him feel like his heart was being ripped out of his chest. For someone who was normally so strong-willed and vigilant, seeing you curled up in the fetal position and hardly able to form sentences without sniffling... it was awful. "We were getting ready to bury him... I thought you'd wanna know."

Your thoughts were invaded by the image of Koda's body falling to the ground and you leapt off the bed, sprinting for the bathrooms as you felt the bile begin to rise in your throat. Your stomach churned as your mind almost sadistically kept pulling you back to that sight over and over again. You could practically still hear the dull THUD ringing in your ears. Before you could make it to the bathroom, you hunched over, covering your mouth. Every inch of you felt so so sick, and not just physically. Your body was fighting to purge the sight from your mind, but your only possible physical response was crying in anguish as you dry heaved with your hands pressed to the hallway wall.