Expensive Mistakes

Some Secrets Weren't Meant to be Told

"Emilio Murkmere. Tobias's boyfriend."

In an instant, Tobi had Emilio by the shirt and dragged him out the front door before anyone could say anything. Once they were outside, Tobi let go of him. Emilio opened his mouth to say something, but Tobi snapped "Not here." He walked into the woods and Emilio ran to catch up.

Tobi led in silence as they walked farther into the forest. Emilio began to get nervous. Tobi hadn't said anything since they started walking.

"Tobi..." Emilio said.

Tobi didn't reply and Emilio couldn't think of anything more to say, so he fell silent again.

Tobi was upset, to say the least. Why had Emilio said that? He'd done research; didn't he know what kind of trouble that would get Tobi in— get them both in?

Tobi didn't know where they were going or what he was going to say. He just wanted to get away from the church. He'd think of something to say on the way there.

How was this going to go? What could he say that wouldn't mess everything up? He needed Emilio to take back what he said, but Tobi knew that asking for that wouldn't go over well.

"You're not bringing me out here to kill me, right?" Emilio joked awkwardly, tying to dispel the tense silence.

"Can we not do this right now?" Tobi asked quietly. "I need to think."

"Right." Emilio let the silence engulf them once again. He needed to think too.

He's not out. Tobi's not out.

Why had he assumed that? Why had he thought that that's what this visit had meant?

You usually don't introduce your boyfriend before coming out.

But Tobi wasn't usual. Tobi was special. That's what was alluring about him. Emilio should have known better. Known Tobi better.

He cursed himself in his head. Vanessa had told him not to mess it up and now look what he'd done. Why hadn't he just kept his mouth shut?

Tobi's feet carried him to an unknown destination.

Why is it so hard to think of something to say? Why are relationships so hard? You're not meant for this. You're meant to be alone.

Tobi's heart ached at the thought. After having someone, he didn't want to be alone again.

It's up to Emilio, Tobi told himself. If he doesn't want to be in a secret relationship, he should be allowed to leave.

They came upon a clearing and Tobi realized where he had been taking Emilio. He stopped walking and stared into the trees. Emilio came up behind him and stood silently, waiting for Tobi to collect his thoughts. After a few more minutes, the silence became unbearable.

"Why did you say that?" Tobi asked at the same time Emilio said, "You're not out."

"Of course not!" Tobi snapped, then brought his voice down again. "Only Mattias knows."

"I had assumed. I don't know why. I'm sorry."

Tobi nodded and was quiet for a moment, thinking how best to word his next sentence. "I need you to take it back."

Emilio looked shocked. "What?"

"Say it's not true. Say it was a joke or something. I don't know. Just take it back."

"They're not going to believe it."

"They'd rather believe that than I'm gay!" Tobi shouted.

Emilio took a step back. "I can't take it back."