Expensive Mistakes

Careful Makin' Wishes in the Dark #8

Tobi's journal:

I would be better off not feeling a thing. My emotions affect me too much and just cause trouble in the end. Things wouldn't scare me, so there would be nothing to fuel my nightmares. Emilio would not have my heart in the first place, so it would be impossible to get it broken. 

But the consensus seems to be that apathy is an entire other world of trouble. 

One cannot win. 

Still, how much worse than this constant aching for something missing can it be? It seems worth it to cause others this bit of trouble if the ache would stop.

Pining like a hopeless romantic. That's rich. Imagine! Me— any type of romantic.  A year ago the thought would have been laughable, but now...

"Then if you can't trust me, maybe we should break up."

I blinked. I hadn't expected to find myself reliving the breakup. At least, not so soon. I've barely had time to mull over all of my numerous failures regarding this. What could Edburt possibly use?

Dream Emilio stood across from me, looking calm.

"What?" I asked stupidly. I knew what he had said, I just needed more time to process.

"I said we should break up. It's clear that you don't want to let me in, so—"

"It's not that I don't want to," I replied.

"Then why won't you? What harm could it possibly do you to just talk to someone?"

I paused, not entirely sure of the answer. 

"Or have I begun to bore you and you're just letting me down gently?" he asked.

I frowned, balling my hands into fists. "Of course not!" I shouted. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me!" 

Silently, I cursed myself for addressing him as the real Emilio. It was no use talking to him and diverging from the original interaction. The real Emilio would never hear any of this. But I needed to say it, so I didn't try to return to the script. 

"I can't tell you. You're better off not knowing. I wish I could forget. I wish I wasn't plagued every night  with nightmares. I can't do that to you."

Dream Emilio said nothing. He continued to watch me with a steely gaze. It was clear he didn't have a response (or maybe he didn't care), so I searched for something more to say.

"Why can't... why can't everything just go back to the way it was before our first fight? You knew about the scar then. Can't we go back to pretending it doesn't exist?" I asked pitifully, slightly ashamed for having this made up conversation with my subconscious. 

Dream Emilio's brow furrowed. "Before? When we were practically strangers? When you still kept me at a safe distance so that I didn't know anything about you?"

I sighed in frustration. My subconscious was a bitch to argue with. "You know that's not what I meant. I just want to go back to normal again. Why does any of that matter?"

Dream Emilio roughly shoved his hands in his pockets and rolled his eyes. "Because for all I know, you could have a number of untreated mental illnesses that could make you dangerous! I don't know what you went through!"

"I haven't hurt you." I stepped closer.

"Yet." He stepped back. 

"I won't!" 

Dream Emilio stared into my eyes with a coldness I had never seen in the real Emilio— not even during our fights. It sent a chill through me. How was it that the eyes of the man I cared so deeply for held no trace of emotion for me aside from anger? My fears that Emilio hated me only tripled. 

"You really believe you can salvage this, Tobias?"

I didn't know how to respond. Believed? No. But hoped..?

"If I just explain to you— him— we can act like this never happened," I insisted, feeling a bit like a broken record. 

"And how much longer do you think that will last? A month? Two months?" 

Dream Emilio advanced towards me, but I held my ground. There really was no point in continuing this conversation, but I couldn't figure out how to end this dream. It had derailed from the original memory so much. 

Maybe I could benefit from this dream— practice  what I was going to say to the real Emilio once I'd worked up the courage. If I worked up the courage. However, this conversation wasn't going as well as I'd hoped. 

"Do you really think he wants to speak to you? He would have contacted you already."

I firmantes as if I hadn't considered that so many times before. 

"But if I can make him listen—"

"But he won't understand," Dream Emilio said with a dry smirk, still approaching me slowly. "He thought you were someone he could fall in love with."

Was that true?

"How wrong he'd been. Maybe— have you considered?— it's nothing to do with you being closed off." I frowned, confused as to where he was going with this. "Maybe he'd grown bored of you!"

Of course I had considered this. 

Dream Emilio stopped in front of me. "He was just cheering when he had a reason to be rid of you." He smiled. "Speaking of..."

He reached into my pocket and pulled something from it that I hadn't noticed was there. It certainly hadn't been there in the original moment. It was a pocket knife. My pocket knife. I recognized the purple handle instantly. I had carried it around when I was younger. Luther gave it to me. 

"You should be punished for being such a burden," Dream Emilio said, flicking the knife open. He shoved me to the ground, pinning me by the shoulder. He pushed up my sleeve and dragged the knife along my forearm. I hissed in pain and tried to shove him off of me. "Stay still, Tobias. Accept your punishment," Dream Emilio said, giving me a cruel smirk. He pulled the knife away from my arm and raised it above his head, before plunging it into my chest.

I screamed and sat bolt upright in bed, my heart pounding. 

A/N Happy Wednesday!! This is my last dream chapter and I'm literally partying because these were so hard to write. I used pages 219-222 of Ghost Eyes as inspiration. You know where the title's from. I have nothing to say except for it's all up from here! I know y'all were getting tired of not-so-happy Wednesdays.  Vote and comment! See you next week! 

Lmfao, thanks guys.