JAHSEH ONFROY
"So why do you think you're having a hard time adjusting to baby?" Dr. Rivera asked me. My obgyn referred me a therapist after I told her about my postpartum depression.
"I don't know," I shrugged. "It's like I want to love her but I just.. don't."
"Tell me some history with you and dad," she asked me.
"Well he.... You can't tell no one what I say right?" I stopped and waited for her answer. She nodded her head so I began talking. "He kidnapped me," I started. "And I just started to feel these romantic feelings towards him. For a while he had feelings for me too but then he just stopped. Next thing I know he dropped me off outside a hotel and that's when I found out I was pregnant with Marianna. I was too far along to get an abortion so I kept her. Then I got back in contact with her dad and we sort of date now. Be even now it seems like he doesn't really love me. He's been working a lot too. We just brought her home so I just thought he'd want to be around more."
"Have you heard about Stockholm syndrome?" She asked me.
"No, what is it?" I asked.
"It's when you fall in love with your kidnapper because you're trauma forces you basically to believe that it's real. It's a defense mechanism," she explained.
(Idk if it's true in making shit up and I'm high so work with me🤣.)
"So you're saying I never loved him," I mumbled. "What does that mean about my daughter though?" I asked.
"You probably resent her because she's the child of the man who kidnapped and raped you," she stated.
"He didn't rape me," I argued. Who is this quack?
"You were brainwashed Jahseh, I'm surprised that you even wanted to be around him after escaping from his prison."
"That's the thing though," I chuckled, "it didn't feel like prison. It felt like home. I do love him even after learning what it could be. I know that I love him I feel it when I'm around him."
"Well what do you think it could be?" She asked me.
"I mean she was unplanned and unwanted," I confessed. "I'm not saying I don't love my daughter but I didn't love her or want her when I learned about her. And the only reason she's here today is because I found out too late. And I just feel terrible saying it. When the doctor told me I was pregnant I immediately asked for an abortion, and then I changed my mind after I heard her heartbeat and saw the ultrasound."
"Jahseh, maybe you should consider adoption," she asked me. "She's still really young and would go fast."
"I don't know," I don't like the sound of that at all.
"Well how about I give you a few papers to read about it and you can take some time to think about if this is what you want. Or maybe there are other solutions that we haven't yet discovered." She explained.
We finished up the appointment and I was off to pick up marianna from Stokeley so he could go back to work since he had to come home so I could leave.
