Complicated||Han Jisung

|Chapter 20|

I couldn't take the wave of emotions he was giving me since my emotions weren't in the right place right now. So, without wanting to, I ended up repeating my previous sentence in the same tone. "Who told you?" Jisung rolled his eyes at me and squeezed my thighs harder. "Chan and Elle." Jisung's tone has irritation in it. Kind of not surprising but for some reason sounded really hot.

Rolling my eyes, at Jisung's answer but also at myself. I really gotta stop thinking this shit well in a serious situation, I mean really? With Jisung's answer though, I had nothing else to say and even though I knew he wanted me to say more, I couldn't. With the silence that was going around the dorm, I could feel Jisung slowly lose irritation but start to get a little upset.

"Really? That's it? You left for 3 whole weeks and all you wanted to know was who told me? You left without saying a word and didn't even text or call anyone to tell them what happened. What if we thought something bad happened anD CALLED THE POLICE? WHAT IF WE THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD???!" As Jisung was speaking, his voice got louder with every question he asked.

Sadly, what Jisung didn't know was that I wanted to tell him everything because he'd hold me and let me cry but I didn't want to get more emotionally attached to him than I already am. Without really thinking about it, I said the first thing that came to mind. "I told the important people. That's it." Jisung looked at me with a 'are you fucking serious right now?' look. I couldn't really judge him for thinking that since even God would consider him an important person, but I didn't want it.

Jisung rolled his eyes and scoffed, then said, "So what? I'm not an important person? If I'm not important then why did you let me kiss you, twice? Why did you kiss me back, huh? You leave and think you have the right to say I'M not important to you? – Jisung took a deep breath - (Y/N), please just talk to me." Jisung's sentence started off so powerful but as he made it to the end, I could hear the sadness in his voice. He was done playing the bad guy, Jisung's feelings were coming out and I don't think I can handle it.

I looked into Jisung's eyes and could clearly see that they were glossing with tears. He was trying so hard to keep them in and I could tell just by his breathing that he didn't want to cry in front of me. However, he wouldn't be the first one to cry right now because the moment I saw Jisung's tears I couldn't hold anything from him anymore.

Jisung broke the walls I have been holding up since I got cheated on and even though I did everything I could to keep them up and keep him at a safe distance. It never worked. It only got worse as the days went on. We spent so much alone time together and talked about so much with each other. He got to know me and tried to be friends with me, even though I acted like a bitch towards him every single day. Jisung tried everything to make me comfortable and everything he did made me feel safe with him.

Now Jisung was trying to hold in tears that only started because of me. Jisung was crying for me out of anger but from what his eyes said it was mainly out of worry. I tried so hard to be strong in front of him, but I couldn't even do it for 10 minutes without letting everything in me break down. Han Jisung was powerful when it came to my feelings.

Without realizing, all my thoughts about Jisung made me tear up and now there were streams after streams of tears rolling down my eyes. I broke and I did it in front of the person I wanted to the most but also wanted to the least. The moment that Jisung saw the streams of tears rolling down my cheeks, he took his hands off my thighs and wrapped them around my shoulders. Bringing me into a tight hug and whispering 'shh', 'it's okay' and 'I'm here' while patting my head.

It took me a couple minutes to calm down but when I finally did, Jisung let go of me and just stared into my red eyes. I'm pretty sure that I had red, puffy eyes with a wet face. I honestly don't think I looked the best right now, but I also don't think Jisung was really paying attention to that right now. He was just staring at me and after a little while he brought his hands up to my face and used his thumbs to slowly wipe all the tears off.