Complicated||Han Jisung

|Chapter 17|

- A Week Later -

Sitting in the practice room with Stray Kids and Elle, they were all just fooling around since they didn't need to do anything right now. Stray Kids had just finished some filming, and Elle had to be there since it's her job. I just finished practicing with the other back-up dancers and Elle texted me to join them. So now it's around 5pm and I'm sitting in the practice room watching Stray Kids act like the kids they are.

During the week, Jisung and I didn't really talk. Mainly because I was avoiding him, but only because I wasn't ready to talk to him about a serious relationship happening between us. I know that's what he wants to talk about, so I've been trying my hardest the whole week to avoid him. I have been talking to him in a very professional way or just talking for short periods of time, so the conversation doesn't go too far.

I know it's a bitch move since I fully accepted my feelings and finally kissed him back, but I'm not ready for a relationship. It's such a weird feeling knowing that I like him and want to be with him but then also having all the negative thoughts and feelings of a relationship in my head. I was so positive that I could start something new with Jisung.

However, the moment I start thinking about everything that I've been through or the possibilities of something bad happening, I completely crumble and coward out of all the thoughts and feelings I had before. Therefore I kept saying I'm a test itself and because of this it would hurt Jisung. I finally gave that boy hope and happiness from kissing him and now I'm ripping it away from him just because I keep fighting myself.

I want a relationship with Jisung but I also want everything to go slow, and I mean very, very slow. I want us to move like turtles but I'm a little worried that Jisung might not want to go slow, and it'll only piss him off more. For some reason I can't see Jisung wanting to take it slow with me and if he does, I think he'll get impatient and just leave me. I don't want him to, and I know that everyone would tell me he wouldn't, but I can't see it happening any other way.

That's why I've decided that it's probably best that I avoid him and pretend that nothing happened between us. Maybe Jisung will take it as a mistake and stop trying but it also might hurt him so bad that he'll want answers. I just hope it's the first one.

Jisung has been trying to talk to me, but it never turned out the way he wanted it since I was doing such a good job avoiding him. However, that was going to change today because the moment I saw him in the practice room, he had a look of determination. I know he probably talked with Elle and Chan because they're normally the ones that can tell him how to approach me if something like this were to happen. So, whatever those two said gave Jisung confidence and I wasn't ready for it.

*~-~-~*

An hour passed, Stray Kids was fully done with their filming and now it was just the ten of us chilling in the practice room. Since I was feeling a bit tired, I decided to just sit in a corner by myself and watch them fool around like earlier. However, my peace didn't last long when I saw Jisung walking up to me. He stood in front of me and then moved to the side so he could sit next to me. He sat with his legs crossed and just looked straight ahead to everyone around the room. It was silent between us until Jisung broke it with a serious tone. "We need to talk." I didn't look at him, but I could feel his eye piercing through my skull.