Two Sides of Jada

❤Fifteen❤

I look at Ryan's sleeping figure as I run my fingers through his hair. I've told him that I'll be gone for a longer time. Maybe weeks or even months. It depends on how creative and smart Leo's killers are.

Earlier I had signed the adoption papers of Ryan so that when I'll be back, we would go away and start a new life together. I didn't tell him that I adopted him but I told him that I'd come with a beautiful surprise that he'll love. I bend down and kiss his right cheek then stand and walk to the room next door.

I see a sleeping figure that stirrers immediately when I enter. "Do you have to go?" I nod knowing Abby can see me. I walk to her bed and sit beside her and she rises and hugs me. Abby has been my closest friend here and has helped me cope too apart from Ryan.

"Take care of Ryan for me." I whisper and she nods still hugging me.

"C.. Can I kiss you? For the last time?" She asks and I nod after a few seconds. She raises her head and kisses me slowly. The kiss turns passionate and her lips leave mine and continue down to my neck. I let out a moan as she kisses my soft spot. Her fingers tug at my tee before my senses kick in.

"Not today Abby. I'm not in the mood, okay?" I say and her face holds disappointment.

"I want you before you leave. You know my body like no one does." She says her eyes holding some sort of passion. I look at her face. Her dilated honey eyes look at me expectantly and her lower lip is in between her teeth. I've always loved this look but It's not doing anything for me." I push her away slightly.

"I have to go back to Ryan. And I have to pack too." I say and her face falls.

She moves away from me and lies back to the spot she was in and looks away from me and raises her quilt to her cheeks. "Abby. Why are you reacting this way?" I ask looking at her ridiculously.

"It's nothing. You just said you have to go back to your room and so I need to sleep." She says just as she lets out a sob.

"Abby. Talk to me. What's wrong?" I ask in concern she's never like this. She gets up abruptly throwing the quilt to the side.

"You are the problem Jada. We've been doing this for four years. The first year you we're unsure, scared even but I was patient with you until you were comfortable. I always did what you wanted. Tried following your stupid rules." She pants and I look at her indifferently.

"I don't want to commit to someone who hides me like a dirty secret, a person has never accepted that she's bisexual or one that doesn't have these feelings towards me that I have towards her. I know what I signed up for when I accepted your conditions and so now I choose myself." She says. Her words have shocked me but I know my face hasn't changed. I never knew she felt this.

"Were done Jada." She says and I stand.

"I'm so sorry it had to end this way." I say and she looks away. "You've been my only friend even when I pushed you away. I didn't know you were going through this and I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry I can't be the girl you need. I'm dead inside. Being with me will destroy you too." I say and turn to leave. I shut her door slowly and walk to my room.

I just lost a friend because of intimacy. Being intimate with me has brought so many bad than good. I've lost the only two intimate people I've been with.

In high school, I realized I liked girls just as I liked boys but I never came out to anyone. I was the queen bee's sidekick or minion as people secretly called me. I had to look perfect. I dated one of the hottest jocks but just as he was almost taking advantage of me, a boy, the school nerd saved me. I know it was cliche but I started liking him the more time I spent with him. I stopped walking with Diana, the queen bee, and hanged out with him. Gradually, I changed.

People said I was meaner than Diana. I made two girls transfer schools and one changed her personality and started wearing very dull colors and gothic accessories.

Ash changed me to a better person. We visited every person I wronged and I apologized to them. People started accepting me and I loved that. We graduated, went to the same college but he died on a plane crash when I was five months pregnant. I was broken. I dropped out of college and when home. Mum was also sick so I distracted myself with taking care of her as my belly grew. A month before the due date for my child's birth, I walked to buy my mum's medicine and I as I came back, I found the house on fire. People tried everything but nothing. Everyone and everything was down to ashes. My dad, mother, two sisters and my older brother.

I ran and slept on the bus station before two men came in the middle of the night and took me. To torture me. I never understood why until when Mike told me about my dad. If I knew that this Job killed my dad, I would've never done it.

I walk to my bed and crawl beside Ryan and hug him as he continues sleeping. I kiss the top of his head trying not to think about my baby that the Italians killed.

I wish they could just let me touch my baby once. No gender reveal was done. The midwife only took the baby and gave the man that was standing outside the door. She cleaned me without a word and left silently. I heard a gunshot just outside of my room and the woman's cry of pain and I knew they killed her.

"Why are you crying Jada?" I hear Ryan ask.

"Don't worry about me. Just sleep and I'll go pack my clothes."

"I woke up ten minutes ago I think. I'm not sleepy." He says but his voice betrays him. I chuckle and start humming a song to him. My mother always did it to my younger sisters and I got used to it until it stuck to my head. I never knew the words but it was fine.

Ryan drifts off to sleep and I kiss his head and stand. I walk to my now empty closet and wear my leather pants and jacket. I take out the letter I wrote to Ryan and put it beside him. I take my bag and head out of my room. I look at Abby's door for a second and I leave.

Leonardo's killers better be ready for me.

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