Two Sides of Jada

❤Thirty Eight❤

I park my car in front of the hotel that Jayden had agreed on meeting me after dropping off Ryan to his new school.

This is it. I'm finally going to find out about my son. I take a deep breath before getting out of the car and handing my key over to the waiting valet.

I walk inside where I'm directed to the reserved table making me confused. I find Jayden enjoying drinking his usual brandy as he looks down at his phone. He stops using his phone when he notices us and stands. He asses me from my head to my dress clad body to my feet and lifts his eyes to me in amusement. He pulls a chair away and I sit without thanking him.

"Wow! Who would have thought Jada Costa would wear a dress willingly?" He says still amused and I find myself let out a smirk but a file next to him catches my eye reminding me why he's here.

Jayden hasn't changed in the slightest since the last time I saw him which was two weeks ago. I look at his blue tight shirt covering his muscle filled body. Images of the few times we were together cross my mind. I clear my throat as I look away.

"We can change your dreams into reality baby." Jayden says and I scoff.

"And what would my dreams be?" I ask playing his game.

"With the lust I can see in your eyes or how you're suddenly moving in your chair, I can bet my whole life it involves me and you in a hot steamy session with no clothes involved." He says confidently his blue eyes turning darker.

I smirk and lean in front.

"What will you do about it?" I flirt back my voice low. Jayden looks into my eyes as the sexual tension rises until a weird cough breaks it. I don't look away from Jayden as he turns to the waiter and order something for the both of us.

"So, why did you insist we eat here?" I ask after the waiter leaves.

"It's been lonely since you left." He confesses and I look away. "I missed you." He adds and I scoff.

"They're so many women in Los Angeles. You can't possibly be missing out on anything." I say and he shrugs.

"Yeah but you know I'm not that type of guy." He says before silence fills the table. The food comes and we continue eating in silence both of us lost in thought.

"So, what do you have for me?" I ask when I'm done after taking a deep breath. Jayden looks at me intently.

"Can you please tell me something that happened to you before." He asks his voice low and I look down. My past is weighing me down. I was advised to see a therapist but I've always convinced myself that I don't need anyone and I've been fine.

I look at Jayden who's looking at me curiously. He makes me vulnerable and I hate it. What is it about him. Sydney's best friend, Luke, tried everything but I got even more closed off. I tried at first but the memories made it hard and I pushed him further away. It was like my walls thickened.

But with Jayden, I want to pour what's left of my broken heart to him. It feels natural and I hate it. What's the use if in the end he'll leave? Gosh! I'm starting to sound like a romantic teenager. Like how I felt when I first met Ashton. Am I betraying Ash by wanting to open up to another person about my past life?

Betrayal. The word swirls in my mind as I think about Ashton's daughter. I want to feel bitter but I don't. At least he died with a daughter who was seen and loved but I failed him and our son.

"You called me to talk about my son Jayden. Now let's get this done with. I have places to be." I spit and he lets out a dry laugh as if he was expecting this reaction. I can feel my features harden and my hands form fists. He's acting like he knows me well and that makes me angry.

He takes the black file and hands it over to me and I open. I expect to see a photo as I'm used to the files for my missions given to me when I was in the FBI but there's none.

I don't even see a name either. I see the descriptions though. He was born four days before my due date. Green eyes. Black hair. I look at other descriptions like his height as I feel tears rise. I roughly wipe away and look at his medical report. He has nut allergies just like Ash did.

Two pages later I see an adoption certificate and I check to find my name and Ryan's. My eyes lift to Jayden who's watching me. I stand and take the file then leave without a word. My emotions are all over the place these days. I walk to where I know there are washrooms but a hand stops me. I instantly know it's Jayden.

He guides me to the elevator and I think for two seconds before getting in. He takes the file from my shaking hands as soon as the door shuts and presses to a button. My eyes are blurry and so I look straight ahead. I'm not weak. I won't cry. I had already known he's my son deep down and I don't know if I should call it motherly instincts but I've always known.

I hear a ding and Jayden gets out and I follow him to his hotel room. "Come here." Jayden says softly after placing the file on a table. I look at him curiously and he lets out a breath. He walks to where I am and palms my cheek then brings my forehead to his lips.

"It's okay to cry. I cry too." He whispers hugging me and for the first time I realize how he towers over me. How I feel hidden when in his arms. I see a drop fall on his shirt just below where his breast is outlined. The drop of tear is socked into the blue shirt making it darker as it spreads. I see more tears fall and soon I let out a sob.

He hugs me tightly to his chest telling me to let it out and I do. I cry for my life seven years ago. I cry for Ash, my two sisters, my brother, my mother, my papa and my son, Ryan. I cry for Candice Martins.

Jayden carried me to the bed and lays me there and lies beside me as I continue crying. I feel him kissing my face from time to time until I finally calm down. He runs his fingers through my hair making me concentrate on it.

"It's today." I say and his hand stops midway for a second before resuming playing with my hair.

"What is?" He asks, his voice low.

"The day that a part of me broke." I say and he moves an inch away from me. He looks at me in confusion.

"Twentieth May seven years ago on my birthday." I say and he raises his eyebrow at me. Today is my birthday but I don't celebrate it. It's another day for me.

"Talk to me." He says after a while making me look at him.

"I started the day like any other. My parents FaceTime me wishing me a happy birthday. I was five month pregnant then. Still in university pursing my dream course with my perfect boyfriend that I loved with all of my heart." He squeezes my hand slightly before releasing it and I let out a small laugh.

"My friends had planned this big party for me and so I told Ash about it but he kept on receiving these long calls but I never minded. He told me that his friend was all alone and was in need. She didn't have anyone else but him and I was slightly angry that he was leaving me on my birthday for a friend who was in labor. We fought and he told me how I was selfish and so I left when angry." I say before taking a deep breath but Jayden kisses my forehead.

"I was preparing myself for the party after work as I was watching the news until I heard about a flight that Ashton had told me about in his goodbye note. They had crashed and no one survived." I say as I shut my eyes. I feel his thumbs wipe away my tears but they increase.

"I hate this feeling Jayden. I hate feeling like this." I whimper.

"I know baby." He says soft kissing my forehead for the millionth time. "I know."

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