summer '91 // damon albarn x reader

IV. flashback

17th of december, 1984.
6:58pm.
your home.

your pov.

its been three days. i survived three days without him. not to mention, he hasnt called yet. i dont mind that, he probably has just arrived and hes tired, or hes off somewhere having fun with his family. i surely didnt want him to put me over family, especially during the holidays. so i was alright with that.

but it was all so... lonely. quiet. dinner felt stupid. weekends felt stupid. going to the store felt stupid. going for a walk felt stupid. hell, even listening to music felt stupid. i felt alone. for the first time in a while, and i didnt know what to do to cure it. everyone around me was so jolly because of christmas... but i cant feel that. i cant, not without him. and that sodding wham! song wasnt helping, it was catchy the first couple of times, but its been fucken bloody overplayed. now even christmas joy feels stupid.

dinner feels stupid, cause everytime id eat with my family, damon would just "accidentally" barge in and hang around with me. one time when i was 11 my mum made the blandest food on this planet, he popped around and excused me from dinner like a proper gentleman so we could go eat ice cream out. lifesaver. bland chicken isnt my go-to, but my mum is not too bad of a cook, dont get me wrong. it was just that one time.

weekends feel stupid, because wed have sleepovers almost every weekend. a year ago, when i was sleeping at his house, we watched "the exorcist" and i swear to god both of us couldnt sleep that night, so scared we had to have flashlights around, he even prayed that night, which he never did before.

going to the store feels stupid, cause whenever i went, id fetch him and we bought the most stupid shite ever. everytime wed go, id distract the nutter that works as the cashier, so he could steal some malboros on our way out. he has stolen other things too, like beer and such. but i was only there to buy millions of skor bars. i just couldnt resist them, yesterday i saw them at the shop and i couldnt even think of buying one without damon trying to steal the red malboros next to me. but he wasnt there.

going for a walk feels stupid, cause now im alone. whenever i did walk, it was after school, with him. he would always tell me interesting stories. it always seemed like his life is waaay more interesting than mine. it was all fights at school, his new books and records, about graham and what he learned on guitar, his plays and uncomfortable costumes he had to wear... no matter how boring the story was, it was damon. damon knew how to make light out of every situation.

listening to music feels stupid, cause id barely ever do it without him. me not being in his presence hurts. when i first got my abbey road record, damon got so excited he accidentally broke it, so he bought me a new one as a surprise.

all in all, christmas joy will be boring and stupid. cause we would celebrate together. dance together. gossip about our strange families together, lock ourselves in my room and ignore the world. just us. we would stargaze with my 5 quid shitty telescope and we would pretend like we could see andromeda from cloudy fucking old blighty. we would make the most boring situations fun for us.

and its only been 3 days. im not that strong. im really not. i keep getting all of these flashbacks but i just cant, i cant stop. im aware that im being more than dramatic, but when you love someone so much every moment with them is heaven, but every millisecond without them is like fucking hell. i stare at my wall, admiring all the photos we have together. i smile to myself, trying to be happy, but no use. i really wanted to cry.

my mum opens the door in my room "y/n, love, me and your dad are mad worried about you, all closed up in your room and all of that, we have some christmas tales coming up on the telly if you want to watch!" she says in a happy tone. i just didnt feel like it, but im thankful she put it up for an option. "cheers, mum, but im alright, i think ill just sleep now." i reply, my voice sounding heavy, cause i havent really spoken in a bit. she turns the lights on, and i cover my face with a blanket.

she goes up to me and removes it from my face, i just sigh and wait for her to give me some sort of lecture. but i was crying already, no need for a lecture i guess. "oh dear. whats happened?" she sits on the bed, and i just sit up. i dont know what to say. "wait, no, i think i know, this is about damon, hm?" she gives me an empathetic smile, i just nod, confirming her statement. "its just, so difficult and different without him, ma. we would spend our days together, whole, whole long days. together. you know i have no other friends, and its just - hard. i could try to speak with someone new but no one will understand me like him. hes one of a kind." i sob as she pulls me into a tight hug.

"oh my, has he given you a bell yet, at least?" she asks, that question hurt me more. "no, but i can understand that. hes with family. i really dont mind that." i say, she stays silent for a bit, but she speaks up soon enough. "by that you mean: 'i mind. it bothers me that the first thing he didnt do was called me the second he arrived there. im bothered that he didnt call me to tell me that he already misses me and that he loves me. im bothered that he doesnt call me every second and tells me about his day or how spain is like.'? or was i completely off?" she asks, knowing bloody well she was right. she read my mind. "well you got me there, mum." i giggle as i wipe my tears away.

"been there, done that. your father and i had the same issues. hed go on business trips with his dad, and id be all alone without him, so id constantly cry cause i thought he stopped loving me and found himself another bird. but, when he came back, turns out the telephone simply broke and there was no post office nearby!" she smiles at me, i raised a brow."why are you comparing me and him to you and dad? we arent dating?" i attempt at lying, which never usually goes right in any way.

"oh please, i know you two have been snogging your faces off when we werent there, your behaviour changed, you talked about him more. i was the same when i fell in love with your dad, i tired to hide it, but mum knew. history repeats itself. i know you love him. thats alright. and i know you didnt want to tell me cause you thought id tease you about it, cause, well, as i said, history repeats itself. and i promise i wont. damon is the perfect boy for you. these days will be hard, but me and your father will try so hard to make it better for you." she comforts me. i love mum. she understands all secrets of the world. "thank you ma, and if you wanna make it better, step one: stop playing that bloody wham! song please!!" i joke, she laughs and nods, happy to see me back on track.

she gets up, "well, we are both downstairs if you want to join us." she smiles once again before closing my door and leaving downstairs. i sit there in silence, smiling to myself, happy that someone could understand me. i get up and head downstairs. i know he will call, doesnt matter when. i just know he will. but for now, i need to appreciate mum and dad. i enter the living room, greeted by mum and dad. "oh great! its just about to start!" dad tells me, wide smile on his face, i guess he was happy to finally see me out of that sodding room. mum pats the seat next to her, signaling i should sit down.

maybe these 3 weeks wont be so hard.