summer '91 // damon albarn x reader

X. gas

29th of february, 1985.
4:51pm.
grahams house.

your pov.

"no, damon. im more of a 'the doors' guy. i dont hate 'the kinks' but come on now... we have to agree on something!" dave spew out. damon and dave were just having another fight about who is better. me and graham were just watching the telly, their fight being pure background noise by now. "no, mate!! 'the kinks' have been around longer, and are still round!" dames yells back. graham just looks at me and rolls his eyes. "i quite enjoy 'the mamas and the papas', to be honest..." he whispers to me and scoffs.

advertising on the telly. woop woop! the commercials would go on longer than the sodding show me and graham were waiting to watch. "so, remember: if you smell gas; call the gas people." me and graham quote the ad. it was bloody stupid. and overplayed. "ah shit, i didnt know!! if i saw fire, would i call the firemen?" i joke. it was quite... dumb... to say the least. "hate that bloody advertisment. the only gas i smell here is coming out of daves arse!" damon chimes in, dave hits his arm, ah, his quick thinking. "well, fuck, no one told me alex isnt coming." i break the silence. "he probably went out to shag that one bird from our college." damon replies and laughs. "KATHY, DAMON. HER NAME IS KATHY. 'THE BIRD' HAS A NAME." graham says in the calmest angriest tone ever. i didnt like that mix whatsoever. kinda intimidating. "damn, mate. not like im the one shagging her though." damon replies.

"god knows, you might as well, graham seems to like kathy too." dave chimes in. "SURE!! lets all go have an orgy with kathy!!" i unenthusiastically reply to their weird comments, getting a chuckle from graham and a snicker from damon. dave just shrugs. something about dave made me laugh. the fact that he didnt give a shit about anything, or maybe cause he was ginger... yea, its cause hes ginger. "how are you fucking real?" i point to dave, staring at his freckles, blond eyebrows and eyelashes. "is that a compliment, mate?" he asks me and i shrug. i dunno what i meant. "youre... youre fucking ginger. man." i point to him once again, breaking into laughter, dave laughs along. do? gingers? have? souls? after all?

maybe it was the beer getting to us, maybe it was time for bed, at 5pm. maybe... maybe i was just bored. "why is y/n so fascinated about him being ginger?" damon asks, turning to graham who just laughs. "jealous?" graham asks, damon rolls his eyes, but from the corner of my eyes, i could see he was slightly blushing. maybe he still likes me? if only i fucking knew how i felt about him. its great being friends with him again, like we always were. but something about this regular friendship, felt wrong. i missed his cute flirts, the way he would cup my face with his hands when he kisses me, how he held my hand gently as we walked around london, how he would pick me up out of excitement when hugging me. i could kinda see he misses that too.

"yeah, uh, sorry, bathroom. be right back!" i stand up quickly, speed-walking to the bathroom and closing the door. i look at the mirror. its me. i sigh. its me. its me alone. no damon. was he something i needed more than air? was he the reason i went to the bathroom? did my thoughts get the best of me? i sigh once again, trying to take deep breaths. dont let this fuck up your night, no, fuck up THEIR night, y/n. breathe in, out. in, out. dont cry. dont fucking cry. everyones having fun. dont ruin everything. close your eyes. the tears will go away if you close your eyes. please. dont cry. its not worth it. dont ruin the night, the fun. dont.

i open my eyes again, looking at the mirror, damons behind me. i flinch and gasp. "fuck!" i yell out, he fucking scared the crap out of me. "god, didnt wanna scare you... sorry." he looks down and closes the door. "why, uh,... why are you here?" i look at him, just his blue eyes. perfect nose, lips, face. everything. i felt guilty. mad. overwhelmed. "youve been here for about fifteen minutes and you didnt lock the door, so i was slightly worried." he calmly says. "fuck, has it been fifteen minutes? chirst i must have lost track of time completely." i turn the tap on to wet my hand and place it on my forehead. how has it been fifteen fucking minutes? how? was i lost in neverland? wonderland? willy wonkas chocolate factory? fuck. but all i see is damon. he looks more than worried.

"are you alright? you dont look it..." he lowers his eyebrows. he looked sad. something i didnt want to see again. "im alright, i was just thinking." i hold my head like its about to fall off, staring at the ground and the tile floor. "about what?, if you dont mind me asking..." he uses his index and middle finger to raise my chin up, so i was looking into his eyes again. a millisecond hasnt passed, i was drowning already. he knows what he was doing. we look into eachothers eyes for a while, knowing we both wanted eachother. he pinned me against the wall as we started making out. this felt wrong but oh so right. and i missed him. i missed having damon by my side all the time.

"jesus, this is wrong..." he stops and breathes. "-we both know this feels right." i reply to him as we get back to it. i could feel his lips form a smile every now and then. taste of beer, malboros. nothing that isnt too foreign. i feel like if we continued going on, we might bloody shag. so, i stop the snogging and i look at him once more. he looked happy, but i felt guilty. i broke us up and now i want us to fucking shag? im a slag. im disgusting. "god im sorry. forget what i said." i quickly say as i walk out, leaving him in the bathroom alone. what did i want? what did i want to achieve? way to go, just play with his heart once more, y/n. fucking cunt... but... maybe it was the beer. maybe both of you will forget it.

"ohooo, what were you and damon doing in there?" graham teases. i look at him. serious face. crickets. now, tearing up. fuck. "oh y/n dear im sure he didnt mean it that-" dave tries to help out, but i cut him off "i, i think ill just leave for tonight, okay? it was really fun! hope you guys dont let this small incident get to you, im very sorry!" i flash them a smile, fake and filled with tears, and i grab my unopened bag, my malboros, lighter and i head out. fucking loser. dirtbag. jerkoff. go fuck yourself, y/n l/n. slag. londons biggest slag right here!! riiight here!! come by, free snogging and free heartbreaking!! just buy her some malboros and she will fuck you!!

i walk around the neighbourhood. somehow empty at 5pm. i still felt shame, like everyone knows what i did. and everyone hates me for it. but, no one saw me other than damon. so i bet how mad he is right now. and i deserve it. i sit on a bench and light a malboro, i look around, yawning, tears still in my eyes. i need let go, calm down. but i cant. was this the last straw? will he ever talk to me again after this? if not, thats understandable. i felt dirty. fifteen thousand showers wouldnt fix the filth i felt. why did i do that to him?! i wasnt fucking ready. i wasnt ready. and i cant go back to mum and dad, cause they will know something is up. i needed someone to distract me, annoy me, someone who has lots of alcohol, someone to share their stupid stories to cheer me up, so i know exactly where to go.

"stephen fucking alexander james better fucking answer the fucking door right fucking now." i whispered to myself, knocking.