summer '91 // damon albarn x reader

VI. secrets

25th of december, 1984.
12:27am.
grandmas house.

damons pov.

i was just rummaging through my stuff, looking for a cd to play, looking for some inspiration. ive been writing a lot these days. and i got my acoustic yesterday, as an early gift. so i was excited. when all of a sudden, i hear the phone ring. thinking it was for grandma, i just let her answer it. "damon! its your da! he wants to speak to you!" she yells out, i go over to her and take the phone. "alright?" i greet him, i was just thinking he was going to wish me a merry christmas or something.

"damon, uh, y/n called. she found the number and i lied to her saying you were in a park or something. she wants to talk, you should call her and explain everything before you get yourself into more shite? ok big lad? yeah cheers, merry christmas- OI OI LEAVE SOME ROOTBEER FO-" he hangs up, probably drunk out of his mind speaking to someone else, but what worries me most now is how y/n found the number. i dont know what to do. i really dont. i feel tremendously guilty now. why did i promise anything at all. why.

"well, damon, you have cookies on the table if you get hungry, im going to bed now, love you!" grandma waves at me before leaving to her room. this was my perfect chance to light up a fag next to the window, and call graham, cause hes good with advice i suppose. i dial his number and wait for him to respond. he immediately does. fast. i appreciate that.

"ok, mate, so y/n has found our number and i genui-" i was about to say, graham cutting me off "woowww hello damon good to hear from you!! how are you!! thank you im doing just fine!! merry christmas!! oh wow thank you damon!" he mocks me. i roll my eyes. "gra, sorry man. im sorry im so panicked now. i really need your help." i say. "oh, whats happened?" he asks. "well, y/n found the number and she called, dad picked up, she said she wanted to talk to me, my dad made some boring excuse, and now i dont know what to do." i sigh, i cant believe she found out.

"...? well just call her? wont hurt, will it?" graham suggests. "she will see its a british number! we have 11 digits, spain has 9! i dont know what to do man, i thought this lie wont hurt anyone but its hurting her, and i know she will hate me when i tell her everything!" i yell out, almost crying. my voice was shaking and frustrated. "damon you didnt even tell me what the lie was about anyways... how am i supposed to know if its a good or bad thing?" graham asks. fair point. i need to explain it to him.

"we were supposed to leave on the 14th. i was told that on the 12th. hearing that made me breakdown. i cried, almost have broken stuff in my house, all because i know how lonely y/n would be. i couldnt leave. but our trip was set in stone. the next day, 13th, i told her i was leaving, when in reality, i was packing for grandmas house, which is still in england. so im still in england, not in spain." i try to explain. "yea mate but i still dont get why thats a bad thing? why didnt you just stay at home then?" graham asks. "its complicated but, i already told her i was leaving, and on the 13th my parents helped me make up a lie and went to grandmas to set things up so i could stay here, cause grandma wanted to see me. they left me in england cause i have to take care of grandma, and also just couldnt go to spain cause of y/n." i reply.

"so youre in england to take care of your grandma, but when you get extremely homesick you can just catch a train and visit your girlfriend?" he summarises the story. "sounds about right, i just feel bad for not telling her cause, she was so happy for me, and she thought spain was cool, and im just in deep shit. i made an ant into an elephant somehow." i cry out. "i also dont know how she got the number, we sent out postcards and we gave everyone our 'spain number'. but only her postcard didnt include the number. i didnt want her to call cause im not there. but i promised to call. and when she sees that ive been lying, its going to hurt her even more. but you know, missing her helps me songwrite, no matter how bad that sounds." i sob.

"youve had two girls before her. you should know what youre doing dames!!" graham speaks out, and i just am left there speechless. "the other two were shags graham!! shags i tell you!! they only wanted me when they were up for it and used me for that!! thats why i never had genuine feelings for any one of them!! i never fell in love with anyone before other than y/n!! i genuinely fell in love with her, and i dont know how to act. i dont know what youre supposed to do when you actually have someone to love?! im clueless! fucking bloody clueless! i never felt this way before with someone! i thought i could get away with a small lie, but no! she found out! and i dont know what to fucking do or say! im afraid of losing her! im nothing without her! i fell in love!! for fucks sake!!" i yell out, followed by a groan. im just mad at myself for being so inexperienced. what an idiot. i cant even treat my first proper girlfriend right.

"jesus, sorry man. but, im sure if you tell her everything now it wont go to shit. cmon man, it will be alright. just call her. it wont hurt." graham reassures me. "i cant. i just cant. but,... graham... could you do me a favour?" i ask. "yeah, whats up?" he replies. "i know that every new years, she celebrates at her house, so naturally, i know that you can sneak out from your home and crash into her fest, and just hang out with her. i bet she feels like shit right now, so i need you to be a friend to her, ok? and you need to find out how she got the number. please? ill get back a day before mum and dad do, just to make sure shes alright, but, would you do that for me mate?" i ask the favour. "alright man, i just hope she finds me okay." he agrees. we say our goodbyes and i lie on my couch, completely worried and confused.

why did i lie to her!? why didnt i just fucking tell her the truth? she will hate me. its not even that big of a deal, but i sure as hell made it a big deal. fucking christ. im an idiot.

-

your pov.

i knew damn well i was getting no second call from that number. he wasnt going to call. he stopped caring. probably shagged 5 spanish gals at this point. "oh, y/n i promise ill try to call you and write back, oh y/n i promise i promise!! i also promise ill forget about you and completely shut you down when you need me!" i mock him in my head. if he cared so terribly much he wouldve sent me that bloody postcard five times to make sure at least one of them arrive.

i light another fag, and i opened all of the windows. i have a feeling this box wont last. but at the end of the day. his cigars. his lighter. its like i just wanted everything that was his. i couldve went and bought some if i truly wanted a fag. but oh nooo, little old me has to depend on him, like hes my whole life. now that i see how much he truly cares, this wont last long.

i just dont get what the big deal is? why would he lie about everything? why would he hide anything from me? was it his fault? was it on me? if he fucking trusted me told much he would call me and tell me that he shagged seventeen girls and i wouldnt mind that. but if he hides that, that is my breaking point. looks like we have made it to the end. and i wont even try to explain anything to mum. ive been boring her with all of my stupid problems. she doesnt need another gray hair on her head.

golden slumber is all i need.