summer '91 // damon albarn x reader

VIII. voicemail

3rd of january, 1985.
12:48pm.
your house.

your pov.

hes coming soon, and i dont know how to feel. so many built up emotions. why did he even lie? it was not a big deal!! im just mad about him hiding it. not because he was at his grandmas, not because he didnt call me back, just that he hid everything from me. he needs to explain. i hear the phone ring. my mum and dad werent home, so i ran down to pick it up. "alright? its graham, damon just stopped at my place, youre up next... just dont beat him up, ignore what i said on new years. just, please. hes scared out of his mind." he says. "as he damn well should be!! thank you for telling me though. cheers!" i hang up.

my throat was sore, heart pounding. will i go in and kiss him and forget all of this? will i end it with him? god i need some water. or a bullet to my head, maybe. bell rings. and i start shaking. my brain cant think. jesus christ. i cant open the door. i cant, tears form in my eyes. just anger, sadness. i was out here killing myself everyday without him, for him to just dismiss it, he called everyone i bet, other than me. why was it such a big problem? bell rings again and i start crying. sobbing so loudly, bloody hong kong could hear me.

i get up and finally get the courage to open it. damon. it was fucking damon. "love!!! hello!!!" he smiles and hugs me. i couldnt smile. i didnt feel anything. he goes in to kiss me, but i push him away, going to sit on the couch, "wait- no, no, no... y/n..." he follows all worried. "how was it in SPAIN, damon?" i look at him, face puffy and sour. voice as angry as ever. "jesus, i know he told you. im sorry. i didnt really know what i was doing. please understand. i felt bad to lie to you, so i lied again. which is my biggest regret. im sorry. i dont know how to do this... i dont know how to apologise. its my fault, is all i know, and trust me on that." he looks down in shame.

"why did you make a big deal out of it? damon, i was dying out here, i had no one. you couldnt even call and try to explain yourself? not even a letter? for fucks sake!! i thought it was gonna be alright? is this a joke to you? if youre so 'inexperienced' why are with me? huh? why? fucking why?" i cry out, i had no time to play games, i had no time to show pity, i had no time to play a fool. "i... just... i had a bad breakdown before we were about to leave, cause i knew how horrible you would feel, so they set me up at grandmas. i got a guitar too, been writing songs about you..." his words were like small needles being thrown into my heart.

"oh, songwriting!! what did you write about- how much you didnt give a fuck about me?! or how you would lie about the smallest of things?! you fucking promised." i wipe my tears. "i wrote about you, being you. and, look, didnt you want me for christmas? im here, and im so sorry." he says. nothing sounds important anymore. nothing sounds even slightly true. "christmas is over!, and the last fucking thing i want for christmas is my fucking cds back!!" i cry even more, yelling at the top of my lungs. he reaches out in his bag and hands them back. he looks hurt. "look, i just-" he tried to explain himself once again- "no damon!! im talking about literally crying every night and you want to talk about your stupid bloody guitar and songs!! go shag the guitar if it means so much to you!! get the fuck out!! get out!! i dont want you around me!!" i cut him off, standing up and holding the door wide open, river of tears. he silently leaves and i shut the door. he looks like he was about to cry too.

damons pov.

she slams the door shut, and all im left with is my own tears and silence. i fucked up. threw a spanner in the works. threw seventeen spanners in the works. im such a cock-up. such an idiot. i couldnt even hold onto her, without lying. i unlock the door, and get into my house. same old same old. i just needed my bedroom to cry. i just needed a time machine, to reset this madness. but i wanted to call alex. see how he is doing.

i try to dial, realising i had a voicemail left on the 25th of december, thinking it was someone wishing us a merry christmas, i play it. "hello! so uh, this is for damon, so if hes around please pause the voicemail and lend the phone to him. cheers!..... hi dames, its y/n and i know you know that so i dont know why im telling you that. so, its currently christmas!! woohoo! uh, im alone at home, ignored my whole family, and, im home. cause, i miss you. im all drunk and knackered but, uh, i stole your secret fags. smoked one so far. im having a jolly time but i miss you. god knows how much i love you dames. i really wanted to kiss you, and i still do. i want to shag you too, but we can take time with that. and i know youre hearing this somewhere in january, but, i just, im really bummed out that you didnt call. but thats alright, i guess. i love you! i love you! i love you! love you!" the voicemail beeps, that concluded the message. i cry into my hands. she loved me so much. and i did this to her. there is another one, 1st of january this year. i played it.

"this is for damon once again.... so uh. happy new years. graham told me everything, and i finished your box of fags, so i bought new ones. also bought some skors with graham... look, im not mad at you, just disappointed. and when you do come home, if i break up with you; im sorry. lets stay friends. please. like we always were." it beeps again. her voice sounded like she was crying this time. god, i hurt her so much. i cant forgive myself for any of this.

if only she knew that i still love her. but i made a huge mistake. i still love her more than music, guitars, anything at all. shes the number one priority. and i cant let her go like that. i hear a knock on my door, and i open it. y/n. "was i too harsh?... gosh im sorry. it took me a while to realise what you were saying. i feel like shit now... god im so sorry." she says, still crying, and pulling me into a hug. we are both holding onto eachother crying. "i never fully realised that i was your proper first girlfriend. christ, are you okay with us breaking up?" she asks me. "its alright. i really deserve it... are we staying friends?" i ask her.

"forever, dont you forget that." she smiles.