Getting To Know Me (Completed)

The Ship Lounge

Nellie was uncomfortable. She kept looking from me back to her phone. I spooned apples from the parfait I ordered and kept my eyes on her.

"Is your boyfriend joining us?" I asked.

"I can cancel it if that's not okay with you," she said quickly.

Why was everyone bent on making me seem inconsiderate?

"You should have asked me first."

She was silent. The broken parts of our friendship danced around, mocking us.

"It's fine," I said.

She nodded and looked around. I also did. We were at our favorite spot - the last table in the ship lounge. There were just two other tables occupied - a tolerable crowd.

 The past few days it seemed something had happened to both of us. We were more quiet around each other, even cautious. Nobody was making jest of the other, we were not making jest of others too. We were there like two strangers eating out for the first time.

The things I was keeping from her, choked me so hard. They threatened to spill out even with my mouth closed. In the past, she could have sensed I was holding back. Maybe she sensed it then but decided not to address it. 

"Some things happened during the weekend," I finally said.

She shifted her plate of sausage rolls from the way and placed her hands on the table, all set to hear stories. I laughed.

"I am not going to tell you about the crazy ones," I said.

She pouted. "Tell me everything."

I smiled and thought about it. I was not a storyteller so I didn't even know where to begin. 

I breathed in. "Alright, I kissed Tony."

"You did or he did it?"

She was already laughing even before I told her I was the one who initiated the kiss.

"Was it nice though?" She asked.

There was nothing mind blowing or strange. It was not like Linda's kiss. I could describe Linda's kiss in detail but Tony's kiss was just there.

"It was good," I replied.

She nodded. "What's the crazy part?" 

I could not say it. It was heavier than I thought. I understood then why she never talked about her lesbian past. Firstly, It was not my business. Secondly, it was unnecessary. Thirdly, it felt like an ammunition; it could destroy anyone's image.

I dug into my parfait without saying anything. I did not want to lie so I said nothing and told no lies. She could have perceived I did not want to talk. The new Nellie did not insist. She simply accepted my silence and got back to her sausage.

"This is not us," I said.

"That's just what I wanted to say," she replied.

I wondered then when she would tell me the story of she and her boyfriend - if she would tell me. Like I was sharing, she was also supposed to share. 

"Do you like him?" She asked.

Tony was a protective person and that was good but apart from that, I did not know anything about him. He was almost a stranger. That was what I told Nellie.

"He's a good person though," she said. "He won't deliberately hurt you."

I nodded. Nellie was vouching for her boyfriend's friend. It made me wonder how long she had been dating the man to know his friend so well. I used to think we were joined at the hip and I knew everything about her but I was seeing it; I only knew little.

Maybe she told her boyfriend not to come. He did not show up till we left the lounge. As usual, Nellie protectively held my hand as we crossed over to the other lane to enter a bus going back to the campus.

She pulled me past the place the buses going to campus were loading. "Let's stroll around."

"Strolling is better in our own environment," I said without withdrawing.

We left the main road and walked past residential buildings. The environment was unfamiliar but I did not know if it was for Nellie.

I freed my hand from her hold and put an arm around her shoulder to pull her close. 

"I missed you," I said.

"You should," she replied.

I hit her head, laughing. 

Silence followed. It was not uncomfortable but it was new; we used to have too much to talk about. But now we seemed to have touchy topics and they were avoided. I decided to broach it - an attempt at mending the small bridge in between us.

"Does Justice treat you well?" I asked.

She must have been caught off guard by my question but she quickly replied, "Yes. He tries." 

Then she looked at me. I nodded and smiled, putting a hand in my pocket.

"I'm sorry for everything," she said.

I smiled and out of nowhere I said, "Linda and I had a thing." It did not feel heavy to say it that way.

She moved away so she could look at my face properly. " What does a thing mean?"

I weighed her tone for resentment or judgement then I summarized she was just curious.

I shrugged, kicking an empty bottle of Pepsi on the ground. She returned to me and put my arm around her shoulder. I realized she was going to ask Linda about it, not me. Her silence at that time had to have a backup plan.

Those days we did not talk, I developed a life that was not dependent on her. I made my meals, ate alone, downloaded and watched movies alone. Even when my own solitude could get uncomfortable, I found ways to bear it.

We walked back to the main road and entered a bus going to the campus. I sighed as I settled in beside her. I knew I had changed. A day could change anyone but I still wanted Nellie to be my best friend. I still wanted to be a best friend to her. Her hands moved until they were in mine. I held it, believing time was all we needed to mend the parts of our friendship that were broken.