Marriage of Necessity

~5~ To Feel Gloriously Free

I take a deep breath as I decide to ask what's on my mind. Heaven help me, if my mama were here she would be giving me a tongue lashing right now.

Mind your own business and hold your tongue, young lady. If he wants you to know, he will tell you.

It bothers me that I know exactly what mama would say, yet I'm ignoring her words and going to ask anyways.

"What was your wife's name?"

I hold my breath as I watch his back straighten. His knuckles turn white as he grips the reigns tightly.

He's quiet for such a long moment, I'm positive I've offended him and the hard eyes will return.

When I get the courage to look at him, his eyes aren't mad—They're sad.

"Rebecca," he finally says in a low, dejected tone.

"She was pretty special, huh?"

"Mmhmm"

"I'm sorry you lost her."

The silence isn't heavy, which surprises me. It's almost peaceful. I'm respecting his wife, which in turn is helping him gain some respect for me.

We ride in the peaceful silence for about five minutes. When he speaks, I jump. I figured we would spend the rest of our trip listening to the horses hooves crash against the dusty path.

"I never even asked you. Where you from?"

"Rhode Island"

He nods as he continues looking in front of him. He sees a herd of antelope prancing across the grassy terrain.

How majestic would it be to feel that free...That alive. If only we could all prance around like the antelope in grassy fields. What a glorious life that would be.

"You lived near the ocean?"

"I did. I was walking distance from the coast."

His eyes are still on the antelope as he listens. "Must be different than here I reckon."

"Night and day"

"Miss it?"

"So badly that it hurts," I say, fighting the urge to cry. I'm not a cryer, yet all I want to do is cling to my mama's skirts and weep as she strokes my hair.

He finally breaks his gaze from the wild antelope and turns to look at me.

"Iffin you ever want to go back, you ain't a prisoner here. We haven't consummated this marriage. You wanna go home, you tell me. I'll pay for yur ticket."

Tears sting my eyes, but for an entirely different reason. He really is a good man.

"Thank you," I simply say. If I say anything else, I will cry.

"So, Mrs. Salders isn't easy to get along with?"

Matthew sighs and shakes his head. "No. Her husband lets her run the roost."

"Is her husband nasty too?"

"He's a good man, he's just small and meek. That's all I'm sayin' about it though. I don't hold to gossipin'."

"Remi is beautiful. Does she look like her mama?" I ask after another moment. I'm mindful that I'm pushing, but it's what I do. Hopefully I don't push him too far, though. I'm finally making progress with him.

"Spittin' image."

"Your wife must have been beautiful."

"All due respect, ma'am...I'm done talkin' 'bout her."