Je t'aime

1

It's Sunday night and I should be doing my homework but I don't have the energy, I'm still drained because of what happened last night. As I lay in bed, Flashbacks from last night enter my thoughts.

Lucy was in a call with her Bestfriends when she finally decided that she'll tell him, Tell Theo all the words that she wanted to say. She realized that she needs to let him go so she can move on, after all it's not healthy being addicted to a losing game, she thought. 
She mustered all the courage that she had and slowly typed her message for Theo so Luna can forward it to him since she doesn't have the energy to chat him. While typing her message, tears started to fall as her bestfriends Jules and Lanah try their best to comfort her and calm her down. 

"I knew that I'll lose in the end but I still went for it and I don't know why, maybe it's because I love you that much, Theo. I promised myself that I won't let anyone in this year in fear of getting my heart shattered but I guess promises are meant to be broken, huh?  I hope Glenda likes you back because you deserve that happiness. I'll be fine knowing that you're happy with the girl that you like because like I said before, If you're happy then I'm happy. Stay safe and take care always Theo. I love you so much (This will be the last time that I'll say this before I enter the healing process, I know it'll be painful but I know that it will all be worth it in the end"  as Lucy finished typing the last paragraph, uncontrollable sobs escaped from her mouth. Sympathy and sadness are evident in Lanah and Jules's eyes, it broke them seeing their jolly friend sobbing uncontrollably. 

And with all the courage that Lucy mustered, she sent it to Luna for her to forward it to Theo. When she finally did it, she let out a scream full of pain and frustration. She never expected that Theo will have this much affect on her to the point that she screams to let out the pain that she's been bottling up ever since she found that him and Glenda are already talking. 

She felt like a thousand silver bullets shot directly on her poor fragile heart. The pain was unbearable for her in the weak state that she is in. A notif from her phone disrupted her crying session. It was from Luna, a forwarded message from Theo, "Thank you for sending it to me, Can you ask her if I can talk to her?" Lucy found herself staring at the screen and focusing on her rapid breathing. She dropped her phone on her study table, the message from Luna still didn't make sense to her. She still couldn't accept the fact that she needs to talk to him so she can move on. 

Bracing herself, she unblocked Theo and all his messages came like Tsunami waves and Lucy found herself drowning from her thoughts while her phone kept vibrating because of his messages. "What did he say?" Jules asked while Lanah just stared at their broken friend , "I'm don't want to view it, I'm not ready" She repeatedly said those words and every time she did that, the pain in her chest and heart gets worse. Eventually Lucy gave in to her friends' encouragement and viewed his messages. 

THUD

"Please forget me Lucy"

And just like that, Lucillia Trista Ciara's heart got shattered into pieces. She let out a scream of agony, her vision slowly blurring because of the uncontrollable amount of tears that are rushing out. Lanah just stared at her broken friend with sadness in her eyes, It pained her seeing her once jolly bestfriend now broken. 

A shriek escaped Lucy's mouth as she processes all the things that her First love just said.
"I'm so sorry, I didn't knew you still like me. I thought you didn't like me anymore so I thought it was okay for me to talk about Glenda. I thought it was okay reacting to your stories and posts but then again it wasn't okay because it gives you so much pain. Block me Lucy. Please forget me Lucy"  The pain is getting worse, she thought. 

"How can you forget the person you love the most, Theo?" she weakly typed her message and sent it to him. Each sob that escaped her mouth got more painful, the pain is slowly draining her. Her  eyes that were once full of life and mischief, is now full of pain and sorrow. Jules and Lanah immediately noticed that and shared a look of sadness and concern.

"Believe me, I tried everything to forget you but you're just everywhere" Lucy told him honestly.

"Wdym?" 

"Everything reminds me of you Theo. Every time I hang with my bestfriends, the way they joke around made me miss the way you make jokes to brighten up the mood when we're procrastinating every Sunday. The way my boy bestfriends care for me made me miss the way you cared about me especially when I got a high fever. My room reminds me how I used to be happy when we were talking to eachother" The pain in her chest is getting worse but she chose to ignore it. 

"So Christy isn't real?" Theo asked her

"Nooo, Christy is pretty much real and I used to have a crush on her but I realized that she's nothing like you. I tried to settle for one of my admirers in hopes that I can finally replace and forget you but of course I failed"  Letting those thoughts out helped her mind but it gave her heart more pain 

"Then what am I supposed to do?" 

"What?" Confusion, the feeling that she hated the most

"What am I going to do so you can finally stop hurting because of me?" 

"I hate how you're like that to me. It hurts me so much that you're like that to me" For once, Lucy wanted him to be toxic, mean and rude towards her so she can finally  have a proper reason to walk away but she can't tell him that because that will be very selfish of her.

"What do you really want?" He asked

"I don't know, okay? I can't tell you to love me back because that will be very selfish and mean of me. What makes you happy?" She asked him. I desperately want you to love me back but I can't do that because that's not me and it will be very unfair for the both of us, Lucy thought to herself

"Idk, depends" 

" Do you want me to stay away or what?" 

" I'm okay with you being there, you know what I don't like? You crying and hurting because of me" Theo answered her question honestly, a little too honest for Lucy 

Why are you like this? Why? Theo just be harsh to me, Please- Those thoughts repeatedly invaded her mind the moment she read his message.

"If I push you away, it'll only hurt me. If I stay, it'll still hurt me. I don't know Theo" as she sent that message, tears were falling the same way her jolly self is falling into a pit of sadness and depression.

" I can't think about any other way, Lucy" 

"I appreciate that you care about what I'm feeling rn" Wow I actually sent that, Lucy thought to herself

"Just hug me before I leave for England ,Theo" At least I can hug you for the first and last time before I leave and even tho it'll be painful, it will still be worth it. 

A/N: Hey besties, I hate to leave y'all on cliffhanger but I have to ;)

Word count: 1296