To weather the storm

Chapter 4

Trigger warning: Physical abuse

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin at nag-focus sa ibang estudyante sa harapan ko. Now, it's Synchia's time to answer. She look so chill but I can tell she isn't because of the crease on her forehead. Napansin ko rin ang pasimpleng pag irap niya sa tuwing may pumapalakpak sa akin.

"If I fail on fullfilling my promises? ofcourse I will..... give up."

Everyone went silent. I tried to process her answer and waited for her reason. She seems to be pulling that statement from the depths of her soul, may halong hinanakit.

"It's hard to gain a person's trust. Once you broke it, it will never be the same as before. And I believe that it's much more better to just give up than to prove to anyone that you can do it again, to prove to those who didn't trust in you that you can. In my perspective, I think it's useless. I'll prove myself for what? to fit into their standards?" dugtong niya. "To please them?"

I let her words sink into my brain and widen my mind, searching for another reason for her answer. She seems tired. I get her answer. Lahat naman tayo iba't-iba ang pananaw so I understand her.

"I will never fit into something that I will never fit in. If people really trust you, if you fail, then they will cheer you up! and will not look down on you," pagsasalita niya ulit na para bang may pinaghuhugutan. "Ang problema kasi sa mga taong 'yan, isang mali ko lang husga agad, they did not even give me a chance to learn from my mistakes and make it up to them!"

Napansin ko ang maluha-luhang mga mata niya, yumuko siya. As much as I understand her, I have to voice my own opinion out.

"Wait," hindi mapigilang sabat ko. "You let other people's opinion towards you affect you?" marahang tanong ko sa kaniya.

"That will never just go out of my mind, their opions matter!" sabi niya.

"What? no! their opinion will never matter as long as you, yourself, knows that you can, that you can still try and prove them wrong, their opinions will never give you success, their bad opinion is just a hindrance," salungat ko ulit sa kaniya.

"Their opinions matter because you will get an ideas from them!" her tone suddenly raised.

"What ideas? unless it is encouraging but... negative ideas? bad ideas?" huminga ako ng malalim, damn I am a hypocrite for saying this " if you let those words inside your head, you will only feel more than a failure and that will lead to unmotivating thoughts," kalmadong sagot ko.

Nabigla naman ang lahat nang makitang sunod sunod na pumatak ang mga luha sa mga mata niya. Bigla niya akong tinuro. Nanginginig ang mga labi niya na para bang may gusto siyang sabihin. Her eyes is is full of pain.

Question and answer pa ba ito?

"You know nothing!" sigaw niya bago itapon ang microphone na lumikha ng matinis na ingay sa loob ng court at nag walk out.

Bigla kong narealize lahat ng punto niya. I think she's pressured. Kadalasan pa naman sa mga matatalino laging pine-pressure ng mga magulang. Baka nag fail siya sa isang subject at nagalit na agad ang mga magulang niya kahit pa sabihin na'ting top 1 siya, hindi siguro naging enough iyon sa mga magulang niya. Napagod na siguro siyang e prove ang sarili niya at ngayon niya pa talaga nailabas ang mga hinanakit niya.