by my side | jaywon

10

——
"even on my bad days,
in my worst shoes,
with my worst head,
gleaming
he smiled and rubbed my head"
- jeffery valencia -
——
part ten:

It was hard but everything slowly began to go back to some type of normal. Jungwon no longer ignored Jay and they would often exchange greetings whenever they saw each other. Jay hurt inside whenever he saw Jungwon but it progressed, at least Jungwon looked at him now.

"Morning hyung" The younger greeted with a small wave before jumping down the steps. He was still a little bit cautious whenever he was with Jay but he was beginning to warm up and talk with him more every day. They definitely had a really heated moment days before but it helped their friendship in a way. It's just, there was a lie Jay was told that he didn't know wasn't true.

"Good morning," Jay smiled softly and slowly began to walk beside Jungwon. Today was their first day walking together to school after they began to get along again. It was obviously still very awkward between them but it was a lot easier to talk now. Jay knew what Jungwon's feelings towards him were now, so he tried his best not to delude himself any longer. He tried to treat Jungwon like a friend. That's all that we will be anyways.

— 𖤐 —

Jay walked down towards the council classroom with a smile. It was after school and they were meeting up to talk about the upcoming quarter. They had to plan more activities for the students and especially had to meet as these activities were dances and celebrations for the senior's graduation.

When he reached the classroom, Jungwon was stood close to the door with a paper in his hand. He was by the corkboard and it seemed that he had taken it down from the board as he held a thumbtack in his other hand. "Oh hey, Jungwon" Jay waved and held out his hand. "Here," He held out banana milk with a smile and he watched as Jungwon's expression softened and as a smile spread across his face. It's one of my favorites. "Thank you, you remembered—" Jungwon was about to go on about how much he appreciated the little gesture. He thought it was special treatment still until he saw the plastic bag in Jay's other hand.

"I brought some snacks and drinks guys!" Jay exclaimed. The other five cheered and welcomed Jay to sit in one of the empty seats at the table they sat at. For some reason, it hurt a little. He thought Jay got it to treat just him. Turns out though, he got snacks and drinks for all of them. He was beginning to miss the special treatment Jay gave him before. I shouldn't be sad over this.

— 𖤐 —

Jungwon was beginning to miss all of the little things Jay would do for him. Especially the little messages he got on text from time to time. But Jay was taking what he told him before to heart. I shouldn't have told him that I didn't like him... I shouldn't have told him we could only stay friends. Because in reality he wanted it so badly and he knew how badly he did. If you told him to make a list of things that he missed about Jay that they used to do before, that list would go on for days.

One he could name could be all of the smiles and how Jay would look at Jungwon. Though the older still smiles at him now, it doesn't feel the same. He always seemed a little bit sullen whenever he looked at Jungwon, you could still see a hint of desperation behind his gaze. And his smile wasn't the same. Jay's smile was one of the features of the older that Jungwon loved the most but even his smile wasn't quite the same anymore.

The next thing could be not having alone time with him anymore. Jay would often ask and make time for Jungwon so that they could have alone time to hang out. But whenever they hang out now, their friends were always with them. It was nice to have the company and all but he still wanted to have that alone time with Jay.